hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so in this week's
video I wanted to tackle a question that I get often I often get questions
pertaining to narcissus in the workplace so a lot of videos that I do on
narcissism the ones that I do where we can't go no contact with someone we
either are co-parenting with them or their family member or we work with them
a lot of the tips they intertwine with each other so what you could really do
in one situation you can do in another so one of the first things that I always
say is you can't take their behavior personally the reason why I make these
videos is not so we can label people but it's that we can have a general
understanding of just toxic unhealthy behaviors but really these videos are
about managing yourself learning how you can navigate through the world where we
have to come in contact with these types of people from time to time and the
things that you can do to help yourself not only navigate through that
relationship but to help you to not take on their projection the gaslighting the
abuse all of those things so one of the first things that I always say is you
can't take it personally this isn't a personal attack on you and has nothing
to do with you so it might seem that way because a lot of the abuse might be
towards you but it has nothing to do with you and I think for me that was the
biggest like aha moment that I had was when I realized that what this person
was doing it wasn't it wasn't a personal attack at me it had nothing to do with
me and my character and Who I am because no one can determine who you are
or how you view yourself or how you value yourself other than yourself
so even though we can't go no contact with this person one of the things that
I always suggest for people to do is limit your contact so you know limit the
verbal interaction as much as you can so everything is done over email as much as
you possibly can and that is a great tool to have because we want a document
document document we want to document everything that people are saying
and just the interaction in terms of who's doing what in the workload so this
just protects you going forward if you have a real big issue with this person
at work this protects you and this also allows you to not get emotionally
charged by someone so if you're not at the place where you don't take things
personally if you're not at that place where you've created that bubble if
you're not at that place where this person can't get a rise out of you and
that their behavior and that you know how to stand up for yourself in a
healthy way in a professional way and a mature adult way then this is your best
ticket because this will allow you to basically become black and white with
this person so you're only you know answering questions that pertain to the
job and the work you're not taking anything that they're saying personally
you're able to kind of dissect and say okay what are the questions that I
really need to answer you're allowed to get emotionally charged maybe and vent
you know with anyone that will listen to you and then take a step back and answer
the email professionally begin to create those boundaries over email this also
allows you to take credit for what you're doing so when you're only
communicating over email or as much as you possibly can then this will help you
to be able to justify what you did at work versus what someone else did or how
someone else was treating you or what they were saying to you how was the tone
of the email things of that sort you know if you're you know in the office
and you're walking around and this person that's difficult say they come up
to you and they say and they want to talk about this project or they want to
talk about something specific with you you can always say hey can you just
email email me about it so I'm really really busy right now
and if that doesn't work and maybe this person starting to notice a pattern I
would just speak very briefly with them what I mean by that is again we're
talking just business we're not getting emotionally charged we're not talking
about our personal life we're just sticking to the facts and then we're
leaving the meeting or the interaction with this person and remember every
interaction you have with anyone that is narcissistic or toxic are unhealthy this
is your opportunity to just you loving yourself this is your
opportunity to practice you starting to set boundaries and teaching people how
you want to be treated and really this environment is no different than any
other environment so if this was a mother if this was an you know an
ex-spouse that your co-parenting with a family member and uncle a sister it
doesn't really matter because every narcissist you want to come to that
place where you are very professional with them that there's no real emotion
involved it's just business there is no emotion we're not friends
we're not talking about our lives with each other we're getting right down to
the point if they interrupt you in a meeting for example you know this is
your opportunity maybe after the meeting or during it if you feel confident
enough to do it where you don't have any emotion and you can say it very self
lovingly which is there's no past progressive tone there's no anger
there's no negativity it's just basically stating that please you know
going forward can you please not interrupt me when I'm in the middle of
my sentence I find it very disrespectful and if you can say that in a very self
loving way where there's no anger and no emotion involved people don't really
sometimes know how to handle it and even if they can't do it as long as you are
continuously standing up for yourself and maybe even pulling that person you
know aside after the meeting and having that conversation as long as you're not
getting as long as you're not getting emotionally charged and as long as
you're not with what you're saying expecting someone to change and that
you're just doing this to stand up for yourself
you're golden you're absolutely golden because no matter what you say no matter
how many boundaries you said or how much you stick up for yourself you can't
control what this person does and just because you're standing up for yourself
in a loving way doesn't mean that they're gonna listen and say you know
what you're absolutely right I shouldn't interrupt her or I shouldn't interrupt
him they're probably still gonna do it but by you doing these things it shows
that you have self-respect that you love yourself and that you're professional
and that you know how to have confrontation not negative confrontation
but you know how to confront someone is doing something that's either
inappropriate or not okay it's when you don't know how to stand up for yourself
that you allow people to constantly walk all over you and then you're suppressing
those feelings of feeling frustrated and angry because someone did that to you
when you can stand up for yourself in a healthy way you you know first off let
go like I said of any expectation of someone changing which that's really
freeing and that is really helpful in any relation should have not even just
one with with a narcissist it also helps you to learn how to manage your emotions
and this is such a huge thing to do for yourself it is so self loving to learn
how to not only manage your emotions but basically not allow anyone to have a
control over your state so no one has a control over how you feel except for you
I don't care if someone cut you off in the street I don't care if someone's
rude to you in the store I don't care if someone interrupts you in a meeting or
whatever the situation is you get to determine how you feel in every single
moment and no one has that ability to take away your joy and your happiness so
you can say all day long well you know she wronged me or he did this and all of
those things and yes those things are valid they actually did those things and
they were wrong and it wasn't okay that someone flipped you off or it wasn't
okay that you know someone was being passive-aggressive but when you allow
that to change your state and to change your mood that is you basically giving
your power to someone else it doesn't mean that we suppress what we feel and
that what someone did to us it basically means that we feel what we're feeling
okay we're angry that someone did something okay we're upset that you know
Suzy interrupted us in a meeting and she does it all the time and I've asked her
time and time again to please stop and she won't of course that's gonna build
frustration you're a human being with feelings and you're going to feel
frustrated or angry or pissed off or whatever but at some point you have to
make decision but do I want to stay in that space and by you staying in that
space it's allowing that person to have control
for you and for me that was kind of a game changer I no longer you know
allowed anyone to have an effect on my mood this is that was me taking control
of my life taking responsibility for my happiness
now one of the biggest things that I get from not just people that have to deal
with the narcissus in the workplace or someone that's difficult but anyone that
has to deal with a narcissist so if it's a mother if it's a sister if it's a
co-worker someone that you're co-parenting with whatever someone that
you can't avoid they always say well you know I stood up for myself and then I
got backlash or I started for myself and this person got even angry and now
they're you know giving me so much more work than they did before
and they're hurting me now more than they ever did before um there's a few
things and again every situation is different so now I'm gonna pertain just
to the workplace it gets to a certain point where you have to determine is
this job worth having so if your boss is someone who's narcissistic and there's
really you can't really go no contact or limited contact with this person because
you have to work with them very very closely you have to determine is this
job worth having so and that's probably not the advice that maybe you guys want
to hear but again there are certain situations where these people are
completely unavoidable co-parenting that's completely unavoidable especially
depending on the age of the child to be honest even a family member I don't
think that that's a non-negotiable excuse-me non-negotiable you don't have
to talk to your mother you don't have to talk to your father
you can have no relationship with this person even if you have to see them from
time to time and a family function you can be cordial with someone but not have
a relationship with someone a work environment you don't have to have that
job yeah it's a great paying job yeah you've been there for years yeah you put
in a lot of time and effort into this in this career that you're building within
this company but no one says that you're stuck where you are you get to determine
where you go next so sometimes I feel like we are put in situations that are
really tough because number one it gives us an opportunity to kind of rise to the
occasion learn how to stand up for ourselves learn how to love ourselves
and set those boundaries to not fear confrontation which a lot of people do
they fear standing up for them selves because they don't have that love
within themselves to be able to say to others hey you can't treat me this way
and if you do this is what happens you know the boundaries setting boundaries
and and following through with your boundary and setting a consequence
that's really difficult for some people so sometimes we're putting these
situations to learn how to do that for ourselves and the other time we're
putting these situations personally I feel like is because we should no longer
be in this job this is your opportunity you know you're being pushed and pushed
to basically leave and to rise up and to get a better job and be in a better
environment we spend so much time at our jobs doing these things sometimes even
more than we even spend with our own families and loved ones that you should
be happy when you're at work you should love what you do you know just like you
you know your home environment that should be a loving environment there's
no other place in the world like your home and you should feel the most at
peace the most comfortable the most loving within your home and personally
in my opinion I feel like you should feel the same way at your job because
it's what you do every single day all day long and if you don't love what you
do and if you don't love where you're working that affects you that affects a
good part of your life so if you're working for someone who's extremely
difficult that plays this game that's a narcissistic that you know takes credit
for the work that you do that maybe doesn't appreciate and value you as an
employee you are just like in any relationship even a romantic one you're
choosing to stay in that environment so if you want a great job a great
environment you want to work with hell you know great people that light you up
inside and you guys motivate each other and you just love going to work every
single day you determine that you determine if you're in that environment
you determine if you have that job no one else has that control over you so I
hope that this has helped you guys you know not only understand I didn't want
to make this video and give you all of these oh you know these are the signs of
someone who's narcissistic in the workplace and we all know who a
narcissist is and even if you don't just someone who's
just toxic and unhealthy and someone that you don't want to work with someone
that's extremely extremely difficult you know who that person has all day long
you guys message me with all of these traits of this person so you know that
this person is toxic unhealthy maybe even narcissistic what I wanted to do in
this video was to give you some insight on how to manage yourself in these
environments and I hope that I did in this video if you guys like this video
please give it a thumbs up share it with anyone that you think might benefit from
this information thank you guys so much for all of your love and support if you
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