- Hello, lovely people. - Hi.
- And welcome the downstairs kitchen,
downstairs kitchen?
We're in the upstairs kitchen.
Welcome to the kitchen.
We're filming here because the studio
that I normally film in, the roof fell in.
- Yeah, literally the ceiling.
- Don't buy a project house
in 2020 is I think a good lesson for everyone to take.
- Although we were thinking,
what photos do we have for this year?
- Oh yeah.
- To look back at memories.
We were like, well, we haven't been anywhere.
- We've not done anything.
- But we've got lots of photos of the house so there.
- Yes.
There we go, if we weren't doing building work,
the 2020 photo book would have nothing in it.
This video is sponsored by Surfshark.
Today we thought we'd do something really fun.
And instead of just complaining about building work
we are instead going to learn, our 5 Love Languages.
If you're wondering what The 5 Love Languages are,
it's the idea that we all give
and receive love in different ways.
So one person might love the idea of receiving a present
and read that as someone loves me
because they've given me something.
Whereas for someone else they might be like, yeah,
I mean you give me stuff all the time,
but do you really love me?
Because you don't say it.
And interestingly, the type of love that you need to receive
and the type that you like to give can be different.
Fascinating stuff.
I do, I'm just gonna put on my glasses.
- And also they would show if you're compatible or not.
I think people who sometimes, well, they love each other
but they still get it wrong a lot of the time.
It's really because their love languages
are like too the same.
So they both want gifts,
but they don't like giving gifts or something.
- True.
And your person might just need you
to learn their love language.
- Or you just find someone else who's got
a naturally complimentary love language.
- Their migraine glasses, they're blue tinted.
Got rather a bad headache today.
- And they make you look sexy.
- Oh.
(kissing)
Words of affirmation.
It's more meaningful to me when,
I receive a loving note slash text slash email
for no special reason from my loved one,
or my partner and I hug.
I do love receiving notes, texts.
I mean, I don't know why you'd email me.
- I would say the thing that was more meaningful
to you though because we hug all the time,
is if I sent you a spontaneous message of love.
- Which you do every day.
- And do I do it every day is our thing.
- No, I love it.
(Jessica laughing)
For those of you who are just joining us,
I have absolutely no self-awareness.
(Jessica laughing)
It's more meaningful to me when,
I can spend time alone with my partner just the two of us,
or my partner does something practical to help me out."
Alone time?
- You do like it when I do practical things
to help you out though.
- Yeah, but--
- It's not as meaningful no, 'cause I do that all the time.
It's just a given.
(both laughing)
She's just expectant of that now.
(Jessica laughing)
- It's more meaningful to me when,
my partner gives me a little gift
as a token of our love for each other,
or I get to spend uninterrupted
leisure time with my partner.
(Claudia laughing)
Clearly it's the second.
It's more meaningful when
my partner unexpectedly does something for me
like filling my car."
- I love how these are really a lot like romantic gestures.
Filling the car, or--
- [Both] Doing the laundry.
- I mean, I do both those things anyway.
- I don't drive, just to be clear.
- And she doesn't laundry.
- I've never really understood the concept
of someone else filling your car with petrol for you.
Like didn't you drive it?
- Well, yeah.
It's like, I used up your whole tank of petrol
but I was really lovely and I refilled it.
- Or, my partner and I touch.
Yup.
Either, My partner puts his slash her arm around me
while we're in public.
Or my partner surprises me with a gift.
- Public.
- Never even put your arm around me.
I'm around my partner even if we're not
really doing anything.
Or I hold hands with my partner."
That's confusing because we hold hands
when around each other.
- Sometimes we'll just sit on the sofa and hold hands,
or in bed like when we're drifting off to sleep
I'll just hold her hand.
If I'm like too hot for a go,
but I just want some physical touch.
- Yeah, we need a lot of physical contact.
All right.
More meaningful when my partner gives me a gift.
- Who chooses it's more meaningful
when my partner gives me something than,
well then to be fair,
it could be that because when they say--
- Maybe we're just portraying our own feelings.
- Or maybe when sometimes their partner says, I love you.
It doesn't feel genuine.
But when they give them a gift,
that's like actions speak louder than word to them.
- More meaningful when I get the chance to just hang out,
or unexpectedly get small gifts.
I just like being with you.
My partner says "I'm proud of you."
or my partner helps me with a task.
(relaxed jazzy music)
- I'm proud of you?
- Yeah
- I mean, I knew which one it was,
but I was like, I didn't know what you were doing.
(Jessica laughing)
- I get to do things with my partner,
I hear supportive word.
I want both of these all day, every day.
How do I choose?
I do like supportive words.
My partner does things for me
instead of just talking about doing nice things.
I feel connected to my partner through a hug.
- Why is this so difficult for you?
Christ, we're only 40% of the way through this test.
- Some people don't have self-awareness, okay.
Don't judge us.
It's more meaningful to me when I hear praise.
No but then I also like, oh my God don't go back.
I'm able to just be around my partner,
I get a back rub.
(Jessica gasping)
My God, when you do your massage for me,
I'm like, oh my God she loves me.
(both laughing)
My partner reacts positively to something I've accomplished.
My partner does something for me
that I know that I know they don't particularly enjoy.
There are many things you don't particularly enjoy.
- Yeah, like giving you a massage.
That's why you know that I love you
when I'm giving you one.
She rubs her own feet as well.
She sits there like contorted,
like trying to rub her own feet.
I'm like, do you want me to do that for you?
And then sometimes she's like,
"Yeah, but like, you're not very good."
And I'm like okay.
- I don't recall saying that to you.
- You have said that to me.
- It's because you can't be asked.
- Or I do it and then you're like,
"Can you press a bit harder?
"Harder, press harder."
And I'm like, I literally have like no thumbs anymore.
- More meaningful when we kiss, or when you show interest
in the things I care about.
You don't need to be interested in things I care about.
- No, we can have different interests.
- But we do need to kiss frequently.
My partner works on special projects
with me that I have to complete.
Oh yeah, don't care about gifts.
My partner offers to run errands for me,
nonsexual touching.
I'm so sorry to all of our friends.
My partner does a bit more than his her
normal share of the responsibilities.
Or I get a gift that I know my partner
put thought into choosing.
Mm.
- Because I already do more chores than you.
It's not like a favor that I suddenly do
one weekend to be nice.
- No.
- I do sometimes think about things.
like I'm like I'm gonna her some really
yummy sugar-free sweets, her favorite type.
And I go to the shopping I do it Saturday,
and then I'm like, oh well.
(both laughing)
- My partner brings me a little gift
after he's been traveling without me.
How dare you go anywhere without me.
- You go places without me.
You go work travel and stuff.
- And I attempt to convince you to take the week
off work and come with me.
- Yeah, but you have such last minute engagements.
- I do, I do.
- I can't just cancel people.
- I keep trying to tell Claudia to quit her job,
and just come and be mine.
My partner doesn't interrupt me while I'm talking.
That's me.
- I don't really interrupt you when you're talking.
- You don't really interrupt me, but I'll click it.
My partner's encouraging to me.
I get to spend time in a shared hobby
or activity with my partner.
I looked to the garden 'cause I'm like,
that's the only shared hobby we have.
- Going to National Trust houses.
- Oh, we love going to garden centers.
- Yeah, we like going to garden,
I don't know if that's a hobby.
- I do really enjoy going on little walks with you.
- Yeah.
- I never really have a lot of energy
but I do really enjoy that.
I also enjoy doing little artistic things with you,
that's really nice.
- Yeah we'll often sit down and do some art,
like Christmas cards.
We didn't have time to do it this year.
(Jessica gasping)
- Christmas.
Again that relates to garden centers though.
We very much have the hobbies of old people.
- Wouldn't say Christmas is a hobby that we share.
We both love Christmas.
- It's more meaningful to me when you surprise me
with a small token of your affection, or we touch a lot.
I mean, we do touch a lot.
- You like it if I touch you,
if we're not touching, you're like
"We've become very distant."
(Jessica laughing)
- That's true.
- And it's like four hours
since we last had physical contact.
(Jessica laughing)
I'm like have we?
I've just been in the garden.
(Jessica laughing)
- My partner and I embrace after
we've been apart for awhile.
I hear my partner say how much I mean.
Oh, wow like if you said to someone else
how much I mean to you.
Ooh, a hundred percent, that's what I got.
- Your primary love language is--
- Physical touch.
- Only 33% though, so a third.
- No one is shocked.
- And the next is--
- [Both] Word of affirmation.
- 30%
And then quality time, 20%.
Acts of service, 13%.
Receiving gifts, three.
- I'm a cheap date.
(kissing)
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- All right, so my go now.
Don't worry, I'm eating nuts.
- Claudia just has to refuel.
- I've got munchies.
- Ready for this test.
- It's more meaningful to me when,
that is the start of every question by the way.
- She's not going to read it.
- I'm not gonna read that out every time.
I receive a loving note, text, email
for no special reason from a loved one,
or my partner and I hug.
I like the loving note.
- Oh, I do text you every single day something loving.
- No, that's not true.
(Jessica laughing)
Not every single day darling.
Sometimes like a whole day
and I haven't heard anything from you,
and I'm like, "Are you all right?"
- But then I reply with something loving.
- I can alone time with my partner just the two of us,
my partner does something practical to help me out.
Alone time.
My partner gives me a little gift, as a token of our love.
I get to spend uninterrupted leisure time.
Uninterrupted leisure time.
My partner unexpectdly does something for me,
like filling my car or doing the laundry,
my partner and I touch.
I do quite like it when you like,
not like who fills up the car.
But sometimes when you were out with Clara
you'd fill up the car and tell me "I filled up the car."
And that's actually really.
- Aww.
I mean, I can't drive, and Clara's not here.
But I guess I could get petrol delivered.
- And when I come home and you're like,
"I've done the laundry."
On the rare occasions that you do.
I am also like, Oh, that's good.
'Cause it's like a little job off my shoulders.
My partner puts his arm, her arm around me
when we're in public, my partner surprises me with a gift.
I do quite like surprise gifts.
I'm gonna say surprise gift.
- Do it.
- I'm around my partner even if
we're not really doing anything,
I hold hands with my partner.
I like being just around you.
My partner gives me a gift,
I hear "I love you."
I sit close to my partner,
I am complimented by my loved one for no apparent reason.
I love sitting close.
I get the chance to just hang out,
I unexpectedly get small gifts.
I hear my partner tell me, "I'm proud of you."
My partner helps me with a task.
I'm proud of you.
- I am.
- I get to do things with my partner,
I hear supportive words from my partner.
Get to do things.
My partner does things for me
instead of just talking about doing nice things,
I feel connected to my partner through a hug.
I hear praise from my partner,
my partner gives me something that shows
she really thinking about me.
Yeah.
I'm able to just be around my partner,
I get a back rub or massage my partner.
I do love a good massage.
My partner reacts positively to something I've accomplished,
my partner does something for me
that I know they don't particularly enjoy.
I like it when you react positively to something.
Even if I'm like, "I did this drawing."
And it's really bad.
Jessica's like, "It's so lovely, darling."
And even if I know it's not a genuine response,
I'm like, "Thank you."
- Just exist to be your hype woman every day.
- My partner works on special projects with me
that I have to complete, my partner gives me exciting gift.
What kind of special tasks do I have to do, to complete?
- See I was just thinking.
I was like, is this a hobby related thing?
Like, I'm not a dental nurse,
that's literally the only thing I can help you with and no.
- If I'm in the garden doing something,
I don't really want your help.
(both laughing)
I'm complimented by my partner on my appearance,
or my partner takes the time to listen
to me and really understand my feelings.
Yes.
I always say Jessica May be deaf
but she is the one that truly hears me.
(kissing)
My partner and I share non sexual touch in public,
my phone often shares public touch.
My partner does a bit more than her share of responsibility.
I like the choosing a gift, that's good.
I can look forward to a holiday
because of a gift I anticipate receiving.
- Oh, like an American holiday.
- Oh. - Like Christmas.
- Right, yeah.
I was like, surely the holiday's a gift.
(Jessica laughing)
Thanks for taking me to Barbados.
Now what are you gonna give me?
(Jessica laughing)
My partner brings me a little gift
after traveling without me,
and my partner takes care of something I'm responsible
to do but I feel too stressed to do it at the time.
That's good, yeah.
My partner doesn't interrupt me while I'm talking,
gift giving is an important part.
I really appreciate it when she doesn't interrupt me
'cause she does do that quite often.
(both laughing)
- I do.
- I just remember out with friends
I know I might be slow at gettin' my words out,
but they're like "Claudia what do you think about that?"
I'm like, "Hmm, well."
"Well, I actually know what she thinks, this is it."
I'm like, "Yeah, what she said."
- No, no.
There's this theory that people from different places
judge a different length of time in responses.
- Where does that leave us?
- And be judges as rude.
But no, I think it's,
I'm not very good at judging someone's pause.
- Sometimes I can really tell when someone's just thinking
and they're not paused because they're shy.
They're just pausing 'cause they're thinking.
And Jessica's like,
they're pausing 'cause they feel awkward,
I must step in.
I'm like they don't feel awkward, but now they do
'cause you've literally just pokered over them.
- I'm like I must fill every silence.
- It's more meaningful to me when my partner helps me out
when she knows I'm already tired,
I got to go somewhere while spending time with my partner.
I like going somewhere with you.
My partner surprises me with a small token of appreciation,
my partner and I touch a lot.
Yes.
When my partner helps me out.
(Jessica laughing)
When my partner helps me out especially if I know that
if they know I'm already busy,
I hear my partner specifically tell me "I appreciate you."
I like appreciation.
- I do appreciate you.
- That was just like the question we had already.
- Ohh.
- My number one, love language is quality time.
Words of affirmation, 23%.
- Whoa.
- Follows quite closely by physical touch.
And then equal on acts service and receiving gifts.
So I need a bit of everything.
(Jessica laughing)
- Yeah, so my foot rubs are equal to gifts.
- I would say a foot rub is a gift.
Acts of service to me is like a gift, isn't it?
Are you thinking that you could bypass the foot rubs
and just buy me some chocolate or something?
(Jessica laughing)
- I would, but it's only 'cause--
- Wasn't that so thoughtful of me?
- I love you so much,
that I want what is best for you.
Not what you want, what is best for you.
- That's like when parents get presents
for their children that are like really naff.
- Educational.
(Jessica laughing)
- I think what came up was that
you need to give me more gifts.
(Jessica laughing)
Even though you don't like receiving them.
- Yeah, I can't lie.
That does seem to be the one area
of our marriage I need to work on.
This is very unfair, I have memory problems.
(Jessica laughing)
- Anyway.
- I'm like oh thank goodness your birthday
and Christmas are coming up.
Thank you so much for joining us
to find out our love languages.
What are yours?
Let us know in the comments down below.
Thank you again to Surfshark for sponsoring today's video.
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And if you'd like some more of the two of us
being Velcroed to each other--
- Just subscribe to the channel
there's plenty on there.
(both laughing)
- Yes, and follow us on Instagram at jessieandclaud.
We're generally this far apart in reality.
(kissing)
- [Both] Bye.
(relaxed jazzy music)