(upbeat music)
- My worst drunken disaster happened last October.
I was on a party bus
for my friend Grace's bachelorette party.
It was a pirate themed party bus.
All the women were like drunk and having fun.
Except for me, I was completely sober
because I was on medicine.
We ended up getting dropped off at a club.
By this time one of the girls had gotten extremely drunk.
I should mention, she was dressed as a parrot.
My friend Alana and I, who was also sober,
we had to take her to the bathroom,
and she started throwing up.
She was just like vomiting
while in this parrot costume everywhere.
So Alana and I started like literally dry heaving
because it was so gross, and so disgustingly smelly.
So we'd have to like take turns leaving the stall
to get fresh air, and then come back in.
After maybe 20 minutes being in the bathroom,
security ended up coming and we got kicked out.
- It was my senior year of college,
the day of the Spring Fling concert.
Guess who was the headliner, T-Pain.
My friends and I got separated,
so I was with a group of strangers.
I hardly even knew them, but I was still trying
to have a fun time.
We ended up going to a bunch of different frat parties
in a row, and I kept drinking,
and I'm feeling awkward and uncomfortable
with this new group of people.
Next thing I know, I'm in a bathroom stall throwing up.
After that, suddenly I was in a hospital bed, crying.
My two best friends next to me.
And I felt so guilty that they were there
taking care of me instead of watching T-Pain.
The nurse comes in.
I ask her, can we please just leave?
I don't wanna be here, I'm feeling a lot better.
She says, you can't leave until the doctor clears you.
And I say, of course, yes.
But then as soon as she leaves, I say to my friends,
we gotta get out of here.
So I grab them, and they were like,
are you sure, are you sure?
And I was like, I don't wanna be here, we have to escape.
So we ran out like it was some sort
of hospital escape scene in a movie.
And the ironic part about that story
is that earlier that evening
I had helped somebody else who was too drunk
because I was a drug and alcohol safety counselor that year.
- Back in high school some friends and I were drinking
around a bonfire one night,
and we didn't notice that one friend had gotten so drunk
that she just kept moving closer and closer to the fire
to the point where she was like rolling into the flames.
And as we tried to pull her back,
she wouldn't pay attention to us or get away from the fire.
She just kept telling us about when she was a child.
- My entire social life during my teenage years
was dominated by friends from a LARP camp.
You may be thinking to yourself, oh LARPing,
well you guys must not have done a lot
of heavy drinking or done a lot of drugs.
(laughs) You would be wrong.
There was one house party in particular
where my friend was going through a bad break-up.
And decided to process that
by wearing a full, burgundy terrycloth bathrobe,
boxers, and nothing else,
and pounding a full bottle of creme de menthe
in about 20 minutes.
I remember being in a circle
of people near the stairs talking.
My friends walks up and was like,
party, we're having a good time!
We're like, are you okay?
Do you need to talk?
And he (inhales) blah!
Bursts fully into tears,
I'm fine, I'm fine, it's a party, we're having a good time.
Like every turn, you're looking around,
and there would just be a airstrike of feelings.
The host of the party came over
and looked at me, the sober fella,
and was like, hey, your friend, he's gotta go home.
I packed my friend up into his car.
He immediately passed out,
which was great for the drive.
Bad for getting him home to his parents house,
where I had to pick him up fully in my arms,
open the door while holding this 180 pound man,
and then slowly move him quietly up the staircase,
and got him into his bed, and tucked him in.