Today's Friday.
I look like shit, I feel like shit, I've had a shit week.
This module is set out so bloody stupid!
Say hello.
So we're just chilling in the rain.
CAT MEOWS
I know. Are you stressed as well?
I feel like I'm in, like, uncharted territory at the moment.
You know, I've never had to deal with self harm before.
I've never had to deal with
genuinely planning to end my life.
For now, it's just keeping myself safe.
And unfortunately, university kind of has to...
..take a bit of a back seat.
You know, I...
I could finish my course now but I might not be around for graduation.
I've got deadlines. I've got a presentation next week.
It's just like, all too much.
Like today I was struggling so much when I was watching
people's presentations, because they were so good, like,
I just couldn't focus and my brain was just not allowing me to process.
Like, and I've got an exam coming up. Do not do well in exams.
Is any of this going in?
Ken. Is any of this going in?
I can't... It's just not...
I'm having a meltdown.
I'm very positive today, which is not, not like me, so...
So, I'm walking to work.
I'm hella fucking depressed right now, like,
I could actually put someone's head through a wall.
Now I've got to go and sit at a fucking desk for four hours.
I'm just... Fucking hell!
There's someone behind me so I look like a fucking moron,
walking around with my phone out,
someone else, they're going to look at me like I'm fucking crazy.
So, just quickly, I'm really, really happy because I just got
another first on my uni assignment,
so I'm really proud of myself because it's a lot of hard work
and it's put me in a really good mood while I'm at work.
Makes me more positive to do, to do the other four assignments
that I've got to do in the next three weeks.
This is really hard to film this,
but I promised I'd be honest.
I'm just so fucking broke and I don't know what to do.
I'm really fucking hurting.
I'm, like, so alone.
No-one listens, like,
no-one checks up on me.
No-one tries, like...
I've literally been, there's so many signs about how bad I've been
struggling and no-one's done shit.
I just... I just don't...
I just hate this.
I just don't want to...
I wish I could just fuck off for a while and just...
..just not do it, just not...
You know, I'm glad my overdose failed.
I'm glad I'm here, I'm alive, I'm well.
I'm glad I'm getting help from professionals, my family,
my friends and everyone around me.
SHE KNOCKS
DOOR OPENS
Hello!
Did you get the bus?
Of course I got the bus!
Hi.
Yeah, you?
Oh, get your fucking freezing hands off me!
We've got dinner first.
Oh, Prosecco.
People always say, like, "Oh, it's the best years of your life,
"you'll have so much fun, party, party, party", but then
they don't mention, like, the social pressure,
there's the pressure to join teams and be part of things
and you've got, like, your work pressure
and then your living arrangements and then your student loan and
balancing money and finding a job and it's just like, so difficult.
Sometimes you just need to let someone else care for you,
you know, instead of struggling.
That's not funny.
Like, this has been just the most intense year,
but amazing year, and I've learned so much about others, myself,
and especially about reaching out for help when I need it
and knowing when I need to get help,
but also being strong for myself.
I'm so excited for next year, like, I can't wait.
I'm going to be moving to a house, like, it's going to be amazing.
I love my course, I love my friends, I love the area, I just...
I can't wait.
I got a letter through the post today
confirming my extension for my degree.
Everyone else is obviously getting their results.
I don't really know how I'm going to deal with everyone,
like, graduating, and wearing their gowns
and everyone's getting fitted for those hat things, and...
SHE GROANS
It's a shame.
All those wild times that I bounded my dissertation! Oh...
Those were the good old days, eh?
I'm getting support.
I'm glad that I still persevered with...
..believing that I was worth help.
I was on my way to a hospital appointment
and I found a man lying on the floor.
It basically turned out that he'd tried to commit suicide.
It was hard to see the amount of pain that he was in
because I've been there.
It was a shock and it was hard.
I told him that he needs to let people help him.
It made me think that his life was valuable
and that that wasn't the answer for him,
and it made me realise that it wasn't the answer for me either,
and I'm glad that I'm still here.
It's so important to talk to people.
Because help is out there.