-My next guest is the host of "WTF with Marc Maron."
And on May 16th, he'll be honored by the Podcast Academy
as the first ever recipient of the Governor's Award.
Here is Marc Maron! [ Cheers and applause ]
Look at that.
That's what I'm talking about! Yes!
-What's up?
-It's good to see you, bud. I have to ask you a question
'cause I know that you got a chance to finally
visit your mom recently in Florida.
-I did. A while -- you know, after I got the vaccine,
and right after, I went through the two weeks,
I went right to Florida to see my mother.
I hadn't seen her in a year and a half.
It was her birthday recently. She just turned 60, again.
[ Laughter ]
She turns 60 every -- Every year now for 20 years, she's 60.
And we just let it slide. [ Laughter ]
But you know what's amazing, Jimmy?
No matter how long you don't see your mother for,
as soon as you get there, within 10 minutes,
you're an angry high schooler. [ Laughter ]
Within 10 minutes, I was like, "What?! What do you want?! No!"
[ Laughter ]
So here's what you do, Jim. -Okay.
-Whenever you go, when you're grown up,
if you can afford it, never stay at their house.
Never stay at your mother's house.
Always stay at a hotel nearby.
Not too nearby, so it gives you time to process.
'Cause then you make plans.
They're like, "Do you want to go to lunch?"
And you go, "Yes."
And they'll go, "Okay. When you coming?"
Like, "I'll be over about an hour."
Then for an hour, you can try to reel it in,
pull yourself together.
So when you get there, you don't yell or cry or storm away.
[ Laughter ]
-You never stay with your mom?
-No. No. No. That's horrifying.
Could you imagine waking up and they're just there?
[ Laughter ]
I'm a grown man. I can't do that.
-Is this the first time traveling for you?
-Yes. I'm not scared anymore.
I got the vaccine. I'm just going full steam ahead.
And Florida was a good choice,
because, you know, I hadn't really been around people.
And when you go to Florida,
you're around the full spectrum of hideous humanity.
[ Laughter ]
And they're half dressed.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm not part of that.
I'm that judging. We're all hideous.
But I'm about midway, about middle hideous.
In Florida, you know what I learned, Jimmy,
is that the expression "does not disappoint"
goes for both good things and horrible things.
So, here's what you see in Florida.
It's like there's a whole population of elderly people
that just give zero [bleep] -- Can I say that?
[ Laughter ] They give zero.
Okay? And it's beautiful.
I saw a man wearing --
I think it must have been a Speedo unitard.
[ Laughter ] Okay, like, a Speedo onesie.
And he was on a unicycle. [ Laughter ]
And, Jim, he was 92 if he was a day.
92! -Wow!
-Everything packed into the onesie.
And on some level, I think, "God bless that guy."
You know, if that's who -- I think all senior citizens,
if you can't do that in reality, at least do it in your heart.
Be the man on the unicycle in the unitard.
-Yes, I totally agree with you. Yeah.
Did you go out to dinner at all
while you were there with your mom?
-Oh, man. Look, I'm not a complain-y guy.
Alright, we went out to a place, alright --
we went out to a place
where it was a seafood place on the beach,
which, if you need to know, if there is a seafood place
on the beach in a tourist town in Florida,
they don't care if you ever come back.
That's what I learned. So, we got this food.
It wasn't good. Now, here's what happens.
The next morning, because I made
the reservation online, they send me the little,
"How was your experience at blah blah blah?"
So I'm like, "I'm going to tell them. I'm going to tell them."
And while I'm writing this,
I see that something happens on my phone.
It picks up a voicemail.
But I write this thing, and I'm like,
"The clams were disgusting. They were stinky.
The lobster on the chilled platter was warm.
The crab was horrible. And the oysters were just okay."
-Do you do this ever? Are you a Yelp reviewer?
-Never. I never do it.
And at the end of it, I said, "I know you probably know all this,
but you really don't care, do you?
Because you're on the beach
and you don't care if people come back."
And I send that off, alright?
-Wow!
-So then I check my phone, and it's a message
just by coincidence from the manager -- the general manager
of that restaurant, saying I left my credit card there.
[ Laughter ] Now I'm like, "Oh, my God."
Alright, so now I got to --
I got to call the guy, right?
So I'm pretty sure in my head
that they don't read these things.
Whatever. So I call the guy.
And I'm like, "Hey, yeah, it's Marc Maron.
You called about my credit card?"
He's like, "Yeah, I just -- just got the e-mail."
I'm like, "Oh, man. Yeah."
He's like, "It was like a kick in the gut."
And, like, there's that moment, Jim, where you're like --
The Internet is for anonymous, one-sided attacks
that you don't have to answer for in real life.
-Yeah, of course. Of course.
-So now I got to answer for it, right?
So now, I tell the guy -- I tell the guy, "Look, man, I hope --
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but it was terrible."
He's like, "I don't get it, man. I run a good restaurant.
We get the fresh fish every day. The clams --"
I'm like, "The clams were not good. The clams --"
He's like, "Well, they opened them fresh."
I'm like, "Yeah, but, you know, just 'cause a clam is closed
doesn't mean it's good. You know what I mean?"
So I do all that. -My God.
-And then he goes -- Then he says to me, he says,
"You know, there's a comedian with your name, Marc Maron."
I'm like, "Oh.
Um, yeah, I'm him."
He's like, "Oh, really? Well, my kids love you."
And I'm like, "I don't care. The clams were bad, dude.
The clams were bad." [ Laughter ]
"The lobster -- You're not gonna make me feel bad.
Your restaurant's terrible.
But look, I'll come down, get my credit card,
we'll take a picture for your kids, and it'll be fine."
He's like, "I'm just sad that your experience
wasn't as good as it could have been."
I get down there, gives me the card, we take the picture.
I'm walking off. He's still looking at me like, "Huh?"
And I'm like, "Nope, nope, check the clams. It was not good."
-Good for you. Good for you. -Yeah.
I was willing to die on that mountain, the clam mountain.
-Good. I like that, the clam mountain.
Marc, next weekend you're getting the Governor's Award
for the -- from the Podcast Academy.
This is the first time they're ever doing this award.
And it's a big deal.
And I don't know. Does Marc Maron care about awards?
-Well, you know, it's weird. I never win them.
I've never won anything, not since I came in second
in the San Francisco Comedy Competition I think in 1994.
So I never win them, and it's just ironic to me
that they had to create a new award for me to finally win one.
[ Laughter ] Now, the podcast award --
The Podcast Academy is legitimate.
I don't want to disregard it.
There is a governing body.
They're legitimate people. It's nice.
It's an important award.
It's the Governor's Award,
which basically means like,
"These guys have doing it awhile.
We should throw them a bone."
So that's what the award is.
It's for being a pioneer, one of the originals,
one of the people that sort of defined the medium, a legend.
And it's usually one of those things -- ones they give you
after people start caring about who you are.
But I'm going to take it, Jimmy. [ Laughter ]
-I think you deserve it. You were there.
You started it when there was no one doing this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-No, it's very exciting.
I'm very -- It's an award that I feel like I earned,
and I'm proud of it.
And me and my producing partner, Brendan, we're excited about it.
-You're one of the best out there, buddy.
And I always love having you as a guest.
Congratulations, early, on this award.
You deserve it, pal. Marc Maron, everybody.
Check out his award-winning podcast, "WTF with Marc Maron."