-Hey, guys, it is Friday, and that's usually when
I take care of some business.
You know, I get some things done.
But the day just completely got away from me.
I spent all day watching YouTube videos of
people eating ghost peppers.
And I completely forgot to write out my weekly thank-you notes.
And I know it's during the show, but do you guys mind if
I write out some thank-you notes right now?
Is that okay? [ Cheers and applause ]
Appreciate it.
James, can you help me out when you can?
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris,
for making us all feel like mom and dad just got home
after having the worst babysitter ever.
"You wouldn't believe what happened."
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Hot Pockets recalling 760,000 pounds of product
due to broken glass in it, for being the first time
anyone has ever cared what's in a Hot Pocket.
Sausage Meat Lover -- Whatever. Just microwave it.
It tastes good.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, playoff game between Tampa Bay and Green Bay.
Regardless of who wins, at least I can still say...
Oh, yeah. [ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,
for being the only time a vending-machine purchase
has positively affected my health.
Mm...
We did another one about the COVID vending machines.
This was a good -- It was a good subject.
No, I mean I'm about to write it,
my thank-you note, again, yeah.
-Oh, okay. Just came to you.
-Same address. -Yeah.
[ Soft music playing ]
-Thank you, vending machines with COVID home tests,
for explaining why I just saw someone
trying to stick a Twix bar up their nose.
Come on. Come on.
Do I have tissues here? I do.
Ah-ah-choo!
[ Laughs ]
[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]
Whew!
It always comes in fours.
[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]
[ Laughter ]
-What the heck is your problem?
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-My jeans came with no pockets.
[ Breathes deeply, sneezes ]
[ Laughs ]
-What is going on?
-[ Laughing ] Here we go.
Alright.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, transition lenses, for letting me feel like
I have a superpower where I transform into
a European deejay.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Dr. Scholl's foot machines at drugstores,
for being the "Dance Dance Revolution"
for 60-year-olds with bunions.
[ Beat-boxing ] ♪♪
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, avocado pits, for showing me how
Skee-Balls are born.
There you go, everybody. Those are our "Thank You Notes."