grab yourself a cup of coffee some tea
time we need to we need to talk we need
to talk about this this is progressing
in a very positive way and this person
is a part of my life so it needs to be
said
[Music]
hi guys um I think at this point it's a
good idea to really mention it because
this whole series is all about my life
and what I'm going through and all the
negatives and the positives I'm not
perfect there's a lot of things that I
do wrong here and there's a lot of
things that I need to learn to do and
grow and just become more of a better
version of myself I just want to I want
to mention this because I think that
it's going to be an impactful thing in
my life we've been talking enough to the
point where we've progressed into
something more serious and I hesitated a
lot and thought a lot about this because
of what had happened to me before it
allowed me to process how things how bad
things really were with the last person
that I was with in a long-distance
relationship so by the title you can
tell that this is true this has been
completely unexpected and not something
that I saw myself doing again or trying
allowing this relationship to develop
into what it is now I realized how my
last relationship it wasn't about the
distance it was about the person if
you're in a long-distance relationship
anybody who's watching right now there's
a lot of factors that go into it and a
lot of a lot more effort than there is
in a relationship in person and I think
it's not one of the hardest things to do
it's such a test of time and if the
other person is not listening to you or
not on the same page or constantly doing
things that make you feel bad and they
continue to hurt you then it's obviously
something that shouldn't be going on
it's it's someone that should be in your
life for only a season and that's it and
that was kind of what that last
relationship was and it really
heightened my anxiety and it really
heightened those bad feelings and it
turned me into somebody that I wasn't
that I didn't like we didn't make it a
year it was about like six months and it
seems very short but it happened and it
was a very impactful thing that happened
to me this new relationship has changed
my perspective on long-distance and how
it should work and I'm not saying you
know I can't tell my future but I have
very a lot of confidence in this one
compared to when it happened to me
before and I'm very proud of myself for
leaving that relationship and getting
the courage to break up with that person
it had to happen and I've I've been in
really bad situations in my life I was
in an abusive relationship years ago
when I was in Japan for about a year and
I eventually was strong enough to leave
it and see that this was not benefiting
me in any way it was hurt it was harming
me and many different ways and I'm very
lucky to have that courage to leave
relationships such as that I know in the
beginning it's hard but you need to
start to realize what are red flags and
what aren't red flags and start to get
more in tuned with your emotions and how
you feel or how somebody makes you feel
because if you don't you can end up
marrying somebody that was supposed to
be in your life for a season and not a
lifetime so last year I had this I never
really told this story and I feel like
we kind of need to talk about it before
I move on with this new story I think
this is a good thing to really introduce
into my videos while I go through this
journey and how it makes me feel and how
I develop as a person last year I had
met someone who I thought would be my
last we were on the same page he didn't
care as much about me
as I thought because if someone cares
then they will do everything in their
power to be with you and they will do
everything in their power to talk to you
and they'll do everything in their power
to make time for you it really broke me
at the end of it we weren't
communicating and that's the problem and
he told me that we were communicating
but we were not because out of the six
months that we dated we video chatted
once yeah we video chatted one time in a
long-distance relationship and I wanted
to talk to him more and it was just
excuse after excuse and why he can't
call and why he can't video chat and why
this and why that why is it so hard to
get online and see the girl that you're
dating one time out of six months of
dating is ridiculous if you're in a
long-distance relationship you should
schedule time for each other I'm the
type of person that if I'm in a
relationship I'm very loyal I give
everything to that person I'm very in
touch with my emotions I'm a hopeless
romantic I believe in falling in love
like really falling in love when it came
to calling on the phone I think we would
call and talk to each other every three
weeks maybe not even that and when I
tried when I kept I kept asking him I
was like can we call can we talk it got
to the point where I think he got a
little annoyed because I wanted to call
all the time but we weren't calling all
the time we weren't talking we weren't
communicating so I wanted that so I
would ask almost every day at one point
I was like hey can I talk to you for
like five minutes can I talk to you for
10 minutes you couldn't he just couldn't
he couldn't make the time for me and
then there was a point in the
relationship where he was like it blows
my mind that you want to call me all the
time and I thought to myself like at
first like that kind of woke me up what
it blows your mind that your girlfriend
wants to call you like we're trying to
make a long-distance thing work why
would I not want to call you I kind of
like sat in my chair like almost ready
to cry that statement really messed me
up a bit like it made me mad am I like
crazy like I don't know I want to hear
your opinions because haha
boy like I'm still lost for words from
that and then after that that's when I
started to feel like okay this is very
bad this is very wrong so I talk to my
friends about it and they're like Kelly
you need to break up with this person
because he's not treating you right and
I didn't listen for a long time so like
the last three months of our
relationship was honestly hell I really
tried like I tried I sent him gifts I I
did as much as I could and I never got
anything much in return it really hurt
my feelings amongst all the things that
I'm doing I really try to make time for
that person he got an accident during
our time together and I remember it was
such a hard time for him and I was
trying to be there for him but he
wouldn't even let me come visit him he
wouldn't let me call him he wouldn't let
me do anything and maybe it was because
of the shock and everything that he went
through but it wasn't healthy for our
relationship the way he was acting with
me because it made me suffer as well so
we were both suffering from all this
stuff that was going on in our lives he
was doing other things that you
shouldn't do when you're in a
relationship and it was unfair because
he made me wait and he wasn't telling me
what was going on there was no there
were times where like we wouldn't even
send a text there were days where we
wouldn't send a single text when you're
in a long-distance relationship you have
to share everything you have to share
the stupid stuff you have to share
that's what keeps the relationship and
the spark going and we weren't even
doing that I would always send him
pictures I would always tell him what
I'm doing I was I was always excited
about going out to film something I
would send the pictures of myself but he
was doing none of that for me and it
made me feel so emotionally exhausted
because you need to be doing that with
each other to make each other feel
secure and I know it sounds excessive
but in this type of relationship you
have to do those things for each other
another rule of dating long-distance is
to have an end date you have to set a
date when you're gonna be together
finally and end this long distance which
is a very big difference in this one
compared to the last one because there
is an end date and we're always sharing
things and we're always talking it's
just such a 180 from what I had
for and my anxiety is like non-existent
in this when I met this current guy I
was so connected with him and I was so I
was falling like I was falling in love
with this person and he had such passion
and he's so creative and he loves doing
similar things that I do and he has a
lot of similar interests and we think a
lot the same but we have our differences
which is good it's like a good balance I
was so blown away by this person and how
he communicated when we weren't together
officially that I was constantly
thinking about him and that's a sign
when you're when you meet somebody and
you can't stop thinking about them
that's a huge deal out of all of my past
lessons and all of my past relationships
I have never felt this way about anybody
in my whole entire life it's very
different and I'm sure some of you are
gonna be in the comments like you don't
know that and it's true it's in reality
you don't know that but when you have
this strong of a feeling and you have
this much confidence in something it's
definitely worth exploring I have to say
I've become a lot wiser throughout these
experiences I've been in long-distance
relationships I've been in abusive
relationships I've been in good
relationships I've been in bad ones I've
been in oh so many different
relationship that was scared at first
because I was like it's gonna be the
same thing I'm not gonna feel good about
it he's gonna make me feel like I'm not
enough and I'm gonna get anxious again
I'm gonna freak out again this time
around it's the communication is like
fire and that's how it needs to be in
long-distance Gabe he's giving me so
much of his time and it just was so my
heart felt alive again
and I like I can't even there's no words
there's just no words for this person
they're always video chatting were
always scheduling times to talk and have
a date like we talked about next week
let's talk at this time the first time
it really started happening where he was
really making time for me was when I
what was shopping for groceries he just
called me out of nowhere and I was like
my heart was just like oh my god it's
him and so I picked up the phone and we
started talking and he was like hey I
just wanted to check in and I was just
like
why was this not a thing in my last
relationship like what was I thinking
like why didn't I run it's so perfect
and I know that seems so extreme for
just calling me but like I love that I
love when you could show each other off
and I love when you can call each other
any time and nobody gets upset about it
you should never be upset with somebody
for calling that happened a lot before
and I was very that's another reason why
I was hesitating to get into a
long-distance relationship but this guy
is just I can call him anytime and he'd
answer and that's so so important anyway
I was I told him I need to check out can
I call you back and I was nervous
because I remember like flashback to on
my last long distance I remember I would
hang up and then I try to call him again
and he wouldn't answer and then he'd
make an excuse and he didn't want to
talk and I was like is he gonna do that
to me I didn't want to hang up
I was scared so I hung up I checked out
I texted him and I said hey I'm done I'm
walking home and he like in seconds like
he called me back like I didn't even
call him back and I would he's probably
watching this right now but we talked
until I got home that I like actually
cried like I was so happy like it was
happy tears I'm already like tearing up
right now because I've never had that he
does a lot of like photography for
weddings and couples and instagramers
but he also is like a web developer in
LA so he does a lot of cool technical
stuff and I love that about him because
we can talk about that stuff I me also
used to be into producing music so we
can talk about music and he can play the
guitar and like it just were very
creative people so our passion and
juices are flowing now the one thing
that's interesting about this
relationship is he is Japanese and I
remember in my past videos it was like I
don't really date Japanese guys I've had
a lot of bad experiences especially when
it came to culture like I want somebody
to really understand me and my culture
and what I do but he is Japanese he's
full Japanese he lives in LA and he
lived there for about eight years and I
guess things changed because I was so
smitten with him how we met is he's kind
of slid into my DMS on
and he told me he wanted to shoot me one
day like take pictures sounds weird and
I was like yeah cuz I was really
connecting with other photographers here
turns out we have a mutual friend which
is awesome because she was a close
friend of mine one of my first friends
in college she knows him and she said
he's a great guy and like I was talking
to her about him and it's nice that I
have somebody that knows him so it was
weird it's such a small world to find
that out but we we talk enough to the
point where we know each other and I
feel like in this day and age 2018
people meet online all the time and it's
nice to know that I didn't meet this
person on a dating app this is
completely different for me but I'm so
excited about it and I just wanted to
share that with you and the other thing
that's interesting that really makes our
conversations interesting is the fact
that I live in his country and he lives
in mine we were always talking about the
differences and the things we get
excited about that are very normal to us
now he's moving next year around
November so we will be together at some
point we're always throwing ideas at
each other and I think that's so awesome
when you can do that with somebody and
so far our relationship has been so
unreal to the point where like I'd wake
up and it'd be like is he does he still
exist was this a dream video will
probably be up while I'm flying home for
the holidays which will be interesting
to talk about let me know if you'd love
to hear more about this and how it's
progressing and how we're working
through things because I know there's a
lot of people who have deemed me about
long-distance and how hard it was for
them or people who are in one now that
want advice thank you guys for listening
to me and I hope you guys enjoyed this
video so thank you guys so much and I'll
see you guys in a little bit
[Music]