I want you to imagine two people the
first man wakes up and does his usual
routine before work and it's all a blur
he goes to work and when he comes home
he isn't even really conscious of what
he did he starts eating the junk food he
bought on his way home and watches TV
while his wife tries to talk to him now
imagine another man he wakes up and
tells his wife how thankful he is for
their life he drives over to his
business and is passionately working to
build it into something great he comes
home and he and his wife have dinner
together while they stay present to the
moment with each other out of these two
people which one do you think is going
to have higher self-esteem the first
pillar is the practice of living
consciously lately my hair has been
thinning what I haven't done is this
how come John's hair isn't thinning how
come John has better genetics oh and did
I mention that John is also six foot
four okay the reason I haven't done that
is because that's a game you can't win I
promise you I don't care who you are
even John can't win back in what I have
done is what anyone who's practice
building self-esteem in their life would
do and it is this improve what you can
change and learn to accept what you
can't improve what you can change and
learn to accept what you can't now let
me address a common issue there are
people who think that self-acceptance
somehow goes against self-improvement it
doesn't in fact self-improvement can
only follow self-acceptance if I didn't
accept that my hair was thinning I
wouldn't start researching what the
right haircut needs to look like for me
and I would end up looking like Bobby
Charlton the second pillar is the
practice of self-acceptance I know a lot
of people who are so physically unfit
that it jeopardizes the most important
things in their life like their health
and their relationships and when they
get confronted about it a lot of
these people have learned a little trick
that has been really trending lately
apparently everyone I know who is
unhealthy is unhealthy because of a
medical condition now let me just be
clear that I'm not saying that these
conditions don't exist I'm just saying
that 19 out of 20 of these people don't
have it if you do not exercise if you do
not eat healthy you probably shouldn't
be going around telling people how
you're overweight and unhealthy because
of a medical condition yeah they might
treat you like you're the victim but
guess what the only reason they
sympathize with you is because the last
thing they care about is whether you're
taking care of yourself or not the third
pillar is the practice of self
responsibility I don't know of a single
person who doesn't take responsibility
loves playing the victim and also has
high self esteem if I had a kid and I
could only teach him one thing before he
went to college it would be how to stay
authentic to his true self under
pressure
other than special occasions with my
girlfriend where I'll have some
champagne I don't drink I haven't found
that to be something of value to my life
when I was in college I would go out
with my friends and there was always
that thing of come on let's get drunk
and I was bad at a lot of things but the
one thing I was really good at was being
really grounded in what I believed in in
fact in almost every case it turned into
guys having respect for it and girls
being attracted to it now again I didn't
say I sort of believed in it it was
fully standing for what I believed in
100% unapologetic and if that was a
problem
everyone always knew I could just leave
and go have fun somewhere else
I wasn't half-assing anything the fourth
pillar is the practice of self
assertiveness now let me make it clear
that asserting yourself doesn't mean
lacking social awareness or being pushy
I didn't go to a party where I knew
people would be drinking and start
converting and preaching
don't be stupid with this it depends on
the context I'm going to act a little
differently if I'm in a classroom
environment than if I'm around friends
but I'm
not going to go against my authentic
self in either situation if you meet an
entrepreneur who is passionate about his
business and if you also meet a person
who is indifferent towards his regular
job the entrepreneur will almost always
have higher self-esteem why is that
because the entrepreneur is the
modern-day warrior just like the warrior
has a strong sense of purpose and lives
to conquer so does the entrepreneur he
has higher self-esteem because he lives
with a purpose the fifth pillar is the
practice of living purposefully and
finally the sixth pillar the practice of
personal integrity notice how I said
personal integrity not someone else's
integrity I went to a military academy
and there were thousands of rules I had
to follow and I broke most of them and
it didn't bother me at all
or affect my self-esteem in any way
because those weren't the things that
went against what I believed in but if I
act against what I believe in my inner
voice will tell me how I'm worthless
over and over again and only I will know
but when it comes to self-esteem my
inner voice is the one that matters the
most you can't have the voice in your
head telling you how worthless you are
and build self-esteem at the same time
and these are the six pillars of
self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden notice
how each pillar starts with the practice
of self-esteem is not something you
build by reading a book or watching a
video it is something you build by
constant practice for the rest of your
life
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