Are you Being ignored by someone you care about?
IF so, you know it’s one of the most frustrating and difficult situations to deal with especially
when you don’t know the reason.
That’s why In this video, I’m going to share the top 5 reasons why the person you’re
dating or interested in might be ignoring you.
And I’m going to tell you exactly what to do about each of them.
So don’t go anywhere because were starting in 4 seconds.
hi everyone.
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video.
I’m a psychologist and relationship coach and I make weekly dating and relationship
advice videos.
This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy
with the people you love.
So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start
now by clicking the subscribe button and the bell notification so you aren’t missing
anything.
Oh… and make sure you watch this video all the way to the end.. because after We talk
about why he’s ignoring you, I’m going to tell you the four things you absolutely
must NOT do as well..
These are the things that will sabotage your chances of turning things around.
So make sure you watch the whole video and get those too.
Oh, and I’m also going to tell you how you can win a $50 Amazon gift card just for leaving
a comment below.
So don’t miss that easy money.
Lol
OK… on to our topic..
Whats a guy thinking when he ignores you and what you can do about it.
There are so many reason why men.. (and women) resort to ignoring or fading away from a person
they are dating.
And make no mistake about it… feeling ignored is terrible.
It’s hurtful, frustrating, and unfortunately it’s a common situation that people deal
with when in dating relationships.
Everything starts out great….
He’s giving you tons of attention, making plans to see you, he’s keeping in touch
on the phone and with texts – basically, things feel perfect.
But then something happens…
He stops calling and has become less responsive to you or perhaps he doesn’t even respond
to you on the same day.
He’s ignoring you and it feels horrible in the pit of your stomach.
And that’s when you start questioning everything…
replaying your interactions over an over… trying to figure out what happened.
was it something you said?
Did they learn something about you that they don't like?
Why is he ignoring you and why is it so difficult to handle?
Well let me explain.
Being ignored is so difficult because it forces us to deal with uncertainty and ambiguity
…and the brain does not like uncertainty or ambiguity… especially when we are dealing
with matters of the heart or when we can imagine scenarios in which we are threatened.
It’s a phenomenon that has been well researched.
For example a 2005 university study concerned with human decision making found that even
a little bit of ambiguity will activate the amygdala – the region of the brain responsible
for processing emotional reactions and threat responses – The researchers found that the
amygdala “lights up” on neuroimaging scans when we deal with ambiguity and uncertainty.
In other words, the more uncertainty and ambiguity, the more the amygdala registers a threat response.
And it’s so difficult to handle because That part of our brain can’t separate physical
threats…
like someone coming at you with a knife from “silly” threats like someone not responding
to your text message.
And then you’ll have people who say things like… just forget about it.. what’s the
big deal…. he isn’t responding to you or he’s ignoring you.. get over it.. but
it’s not so easy, right.
And Trying to talk yourself out of it isn’t super effective.
And not only does the uncertainty feel threatening and anxiety provoking, being ignored can have
serious physical side effects too, The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, also activates
the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain.
Yes.. you heard that correctly…
The initial pain is the same in your brain as physical pain… and causes physical symptoms
too.
So Yeah.. being ignored hurts.. a lot.
But there is a little bit of good news… because this emotional pain is felt in the
same areas of the brain as physical pain, you can take Tylenol or ibuprophen to help
alleviate the pain.
Its true… look it up
OK… so we know the feelings of being ignored are real and they are painful.
So why are they doing it?…
what are they thinking when ignoring you.
Well, first… you have to be absolutely sure he is ignoring you?
you’ve got to be completely certain that you aren’t over reacting and panicking when
there may be a legitimate and harmless reason for his lack of communication.
When a man doesn’t reply to your texts right away, but eventually, he gets back to you
in a few hours or the next day, this isn’t such a big deal.
Chances are he’s got an explanation and good reason for not getting back to you.
But if someone is leaving you unanswered after days and this behavior is completely unlike
him, then you know you’re being ignored.
Now you can start to worry.
So If you feel like your boyfriend or the guy you’re interested in is ignoring you,
here are the top 5 reasons and how you can deal with them.
1.They are playing games or playing hard to get.
At the beginning of a relationship, a person may believe they have to “play hard-to-get”
in order to sustain your interest.
This kind of behavior is a powerful form of manipulation that sadly, works –especially
on people with low self-esteem.
But Even if you’re self esteem is very robust… if you’ve been with a person for a bit and
they start taking days and days to respond to your messages or answer your calls, it
get’s very frustrating.
He wants you to experience that uncertain, panicked response so that you’ll be more
receptive to him when he does reply.
So what do you do?
Call them out their behavior.
You can say something like this…
You’ve seemed really distant the past couple of weeks—you haven’t been calling or texting
and it takes you hours and days to respond to my message with one or two words.
What’s going on, are you ok?”
Try not to be accusatory because that can be met with defensiveness By the way, that
isn’t desperate either..
It just lets him know that you’ve noticed a change in his behavior and gives him an
opportunity to explain.”
2 He’s punishing you When someone is intentionally ignoring you
to punish you, it’s because he wants you to feel the pain that uncertainty provokes.
He may be motivated by revenge; he feels that you’ve ignored him, so he’s doing the
same.
If you’re in the middle of an argument, he might be ignoring you until the situation
calms down, especially if he’s uncomfortable with conflict or feels that arguing is counterproductive.
Even so, being ignored when you’re angry is incredibly frustrating and not a healthy
way to solve a dispute.
The best relationships are built on communication.
If your partner is unwilling to engage with you to resolve issues and prefers to ignore
you then you should reconsider whether they are mature enough to be in a relationship
with you.
3 He’s not alone.
So this one could be good or bad..
Some people put their phones away when they are visiting with family or friends or when
they are working closely with a colleague.
If that’s the case, he probably does the same when he’s with you, right.
But if he is a person who is constantly taking calls and texts even when you’re together,
then you might question his motives for ignoring your calls or texts.
Is he ignoring you because he is with someone that he’s hiding you from?
Here is a real example of a person who was cheating on her boyfriend… whenever she
was spending time with her boyfriend, she would block the other guys number on her phone.
That way she wouldn’t risk a text or call coming through and having to explain to her
boyfriend.
And when she was with the other guy, she temporarily blocked her boyfriends number.
Obviously she made these men feel ignored as their calls and text messages went unread
and unresponded to.
So, is he ignoring you because he is up to no good?
If that’s the case, be prepared for some kind of elaborate explanation for his disappearance.
4 He’s trying to break up with you.
oftentimes someone you’re dating becomes distant because they’re afraid of the confrontation
of breaking up with you.
they would rather fade out of a relationship than end it properly.
So, If you feel him pulling away and making excuses not to see you, then he’s using
ignoring you as a break-up method.
He’s hoping that you’ll eventually get fed up of being ignored and end the relationship
yourself.
Or you’ll just stop trying and the relationship will fizzle out without any kind of confrontation.
So, what can you do.
Instead of being strung along, tell him that if this isn’t working out for him, you’ll
understand.
Then you’ll have the opportunity to move on without any doubt or hesitation.
So, if he wants to break up, you’ve just given him the opportunity.
And if he doesn’t want to break up, it gives you an opportunity to communicate about your
needs and expectations,
5 He’s just not that into you This can be a difficult truth to accept.
We often choose to believe that someone is just busy or naturally ‘bad’ at texting,
which is why they are ignoring us.
But do you really want to be with someone who puts contacting you at the bottom of his
to-do list?
Everyone has bad days but, in the early days of a relationship, there’s no reason why
he should be ignoring you.
And if he is, then he’s either still playing games and not ready for a long-lasting relationship
or just not that into you….
So, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and find out what’s going on.
Look, I understand the need to play it cool and not get too invested..
I mean who wants to be hurt.
So if you’ve been playing it cool And not showing too much interest, maybe he mistook
that for you being disinterested… and so that’s the same vibe he’s giving you.
So, take a chance and be vulnerable..
tell him how much you like being with him and that you want to see him.
If he’s on the same page, he will also let his guard down and share his feelings.
But if he doesn’t, then you know he’s not that into you and you can decide if you
want to continue pursuing the relationship or not.
OK.. now we move on to the things you absolutely must not do.
So keep watching because if you do these things, you’re ruining your chances of making things
right again.
1 Don’t Keep Calling and Texting If there’s a legit reason why he’s not
responding as much, over-texting or over-calling just to get an answer will come off as possessive,
insecure, and a little crazy.
Trust ? me, he’s seeing your calls and texts….. besides, if he didn’t see that you’ve
been trying to reach him, shouldn’t he be concerned and reach out to you?
, so yeah, he’s seeing that you reached out.
If he still doesn’t respond after a week, you may need to come to grips with the fact
that you’ve been ghosted.
2.
No begging and pleading.
Regardless of how much it hurts, you can’t beg or plead with a person to stay with you.
When you do and when you get rejected, you will only hurt more and feel helpless and
frustrated.
And, begging and pleading will make them cringe and feel sorry for you.
And if they are ignoring you because they can’t handle confrontation, they certainly
will move further away if they know you’re begging and pleading..
don’t do it.
3.
Don’t resort to hurtful insults, name calling or picking a fight.
Of course, you’re angry, but confrontations or saying something hurtful will be something
that you later regret.
Don’t do it.
4.
no Hunting and haunting.
Hunting involves going to places with a high probability of running into an ex-partner.
You do that because Your’re hoping for a sudden and dramatic change of heart after
a ‘coincidental’ meeting.
Haunting refers to stalking behaviors like driving by the ex-partner’s home or monitoring
their social media sites hoping to see that nothing in their life has changed.
These hunting and haunting behaviors are detrimental to you for several reasons.
First, they require you to spend considerable time and energy thinking about the other person
and what they might be doing.
And when you find evidence that your ex-partner has moved on, you’ll make unfavorable comparisons
to your life and ruminate about your loss.
Too often, the information you learn is incomplete, and you become more curious.
Again, the focus is on your ex, instead of focusing on things you could do to speed up
your recovery.
Look, i know how frustrating it is to feel like you’re being ignored.
It’s can be a powerful form of abuse.
But Sometimes it happens in the middle of a heated argument, and temporary Silence can
be healthy.
Especially to avoid exacerbating the situation or to avoid saying something that is later
regretted.
However, deliberately giving someone the silent treatment as a method of control or punishment
is abusive- it’s not problem solving.
When there is a problem between two people, the only healthy thing is to engage in dialogue
to find solutions.
Silence and distance only generate more problems and, in the end, solve absolutely nothing.
You know I love reading about your situations and getting feedback from you.
So much so, that I’ve decided to try something new to encourage you to leave a comment.
So I’m going to give away a $50 amazon gift card to one of the first 30 people who leave
a comment suggesting a topic you’d like me to talk about in a future video or describing
a situation where you or someone you know dealt with being ignored.
So yeah..
I’m going to randomly pick a number from 1-30 and the person who’s comment that corresponds
to will get a $50 Amazon card through email.
So take a moment, like this video and leave a comment.. that’s all you have to do.
And of course I’m going to respond to all of you as well.
That’s it for this video.
Thanks for watching and I look forward to chatting with you below.