Heya playa, do you have any friends that are winning at life?
Maybe they're getting into relationships, they're becoming super popular and they just
overall seem like they know what they want to do with themselves.
Meanwhile, you're sitting here feeling kind of jealous,
is it okay to be jealous of your friends? Is it wrong or bad?
Let's dive deep into those feelings and really understand
why you may be jealous and what you could do about it.
First things first I just want to say when you see
other people succeed and it just starts to gnaw you on the inside,
it starts to bubble up and boil to the point where you want to explode it's totally normal.
Being jealous of other people is a normal and natural feeling and even though it is a
natural thing to go through you'll still have people saying "Yeah but it's a bad feeling,
one you should avoid at all costs" and I think that's the wrong way to look at it.
You see any feeling that you have, jealousy included, is worth exploring.
It's only when you dive deep into those feelings that you really start
to understand why they came about and what you can do about them.
Ignoring them and pretending like they don't exist doesn't actually help you learn and grow.
And jealousy tends to be the output of feeling deep insecurity within yourself
or feeling threatened by someone else's status.
In fact, you might be jealous if you exhibit one or all of the following behaviors.
Number one, you tend to compare yourself a lot to your friends,
their status, how popular they are, and how many girls or guys they've been with.
You always feel like it's a competition between
you and your friends to see who's doing better in life.
Number two, you are constantly thinking about your flaws and
never feel like you're a good enough person.
You always feel like you're falling short or
you're lacking in some kind of way compared to others.
Number three, you tend to criticize other people that your friends like.
Maybe they have another friend group or know someone else in another class that you just
don't like on principle because that person is taking your friend's attention away from you.
And number four, you get this strong suspicion that your friends don't actually like you.
Maybe they talk to you and hang out with you but you feel deep down inside like
they don't actually want to involve you in things.
And experiencing any of those things can lead to jealousy.
You feel like you're not cool or popular or attractive enough or you feel threatened.
You feel like your friends just don't like you, they're gonna find other people,
they're gonna start hanging out with them and you're gonna feel all alone.
Sometimes though your feelings of jealousy can actually lead you to
real issues you need to resolve with your friends.
Let's say for example you ask a friend to hang out but they tell you they're too busy that night,
then later you go on Instagram and you see them
post that they're out and about with a bunch of other people.
You might feel jealous at that moment and that's worth exploring.
Talking to your friend about why they lied to you and how it made you feel is actually a good thing.
It can help strengthen the trust between the two of you where they can be more open and honest
or it allows you to let them go if you feel like they're just not going to be a good friend
based on what they're willing to commit in terms of hanging out with you.
Sometimes though our jealous feelings can actually be an
indication that we have a deeper wound that we need to work on.
Say for example you don't have the best of luck talking to girls.
It's the hardest thing for you to do.
You just feel so awkward and weird but your friend is just supernatural.
They can talk to girls, they can ask them out,
they've had multiple girlfriends and you feel jealous about it.
In that situation, it's important to recognize that your friend isn't doing anything wrong.
They're not doing that to spite you or make you feel bad.
It's something you feel deep inside so there are a few ways you can actually manage that.
First, the most important thing you can do is find a non-violent way to express those feelings.
Sometimes that might mean journaling and writing out your thoughts.
It could also mean practicing meditation, sitting quietly,
breathing, and trying to just return back to your present self.
It could also mean talking to another friend,
venting, opening up, and sharing how you feel with someone else that you trust.
Second, you may still want to talk to that friend about how you feel, not with the
intention to make them feel bad or apologize for their behavior but just to let them know.
Little things that they can change or maybe omit around you that might actually make a difference.
Maybe it's asking them to not constantly brag about all the girls they get with
whenever they're around you or maybe it's not minimizing the hardships that you're
feeling when things come so easy to them whenever it comes to dating.
Number three is to identify the thing that you want to improve
and to seek out guidance to figure out how to get there.
A lot of times when you're jealous about something someone else has or someone else is doing
we always kind of just stopping short there because we have our own struggles and our
own hardships but if you take the time to say well this is what I need to work on,
how can I do it, who can I reach out to, who can I talk to and ask for advice
that's gonna actually propel you in the right direction to actually see some kind of progress.
I will say that if your jealousy is tied to dating and you're online looking for
dating advice be super skeptical of who's out there sharing ideas.
Don't buy into anyone trying to sell you a magic pill or secret formula
or one thing you need to do to get girls fawning all over you.
None of it's true, the fact of the matter is it's gonna take hard work,
dedication, and really putting yourself out there and really expanding beyond your comfort zone.
That's not something that you can do automatically and that leads to number four, if you want to know
how to manage your jealous feelings you need to recognize that everyone is on their own path.
No two people are walking the same journey so the struggles
you have are different from someone else.
Comparing yourself to other people is not going to actually push you forward.
You need to look at where you were yesterday and the day before
and recognize that every day is a small step forward.
If you take those small steps you're going to stop feeling jealous and start feeling proud
of the accomplishments that you're actually making.
It doesn't come down to not giving a crap or not
being bothered by other people and only focusing on yourself.
Feelings will arise and the best thing we can do is to dive into those feelings,
understand them, explore them and take those action steps to be somebody great.
Jealousy, as complex as it is, doesn't just interfere in your friendships.
Check out the video over there on the screen where I talk more about feeling
jealous about someone else dating your crush, and how to manage that feeling
which is that's a tough one but I'm going to walk you through that as well.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.