Happy couples can benefit from implementing nighttime routines before going to bed.
Here are some tried and true bedtime rituals that couples employ to keep their relationships
in great shape.
But it is important to remember that building successful routines takes time.
Many people are addicted to smartphones - so many, in fact, that it's considered an epidemic.
Whether we're scrolling through feeds or looking at emails, smartphones aren't conducive to
sleep for many reasons.
According to Sleep.org, the light emitted from the screens suppresses the production
of melatonin, a helpful component to a good night's rest.
Cell phones can also wake us up with alerts throughout the night.
In addition to disrupting our sleep, cell phones also cause us to lose quality time
with our loved ones.
One study from Baylor University's Hankamer School of Business set out to determine the
effect of "Phubbing," or "partner phone snubbing," on relationships.
According to James A. Roberts, Ph.D.,
"What we discovered was that when someone perceived that their partner phubbed them,
this created conflict and led to lower levels of reported relationship satisfaction."
This, in turn, could lead to personal life dissatisfaction and even depression.
"Researchers found that phubbing someone makes them start to feel a bit insecure and excluded."
While it's inevitable for conflict to arise in relationships, even for a generally happy
couple, some experts think it's best not to go to bed angry.
Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author, told HuffPost -
"Do your best to clear up issues well before bedtime, so when you're ready to turn in for
the night you'll both want to communicate lovingly, in words, tone and actions."
Psychologist and dating coach Samantha Rodman told HuffPost,
"When you have a good night's sleep, you can much more easily see your partner's position
and empathize, which means that making up is finally possible."
Whether you clear the air before going to bed or cool things until the morning, it may
be best to keep those conversations away from bedtime.
Some couples like to sleep entangled in an embrace.
Even if spooning all night isn't your thing -
"Honey I'm sorry we can't help you there, cuz we're cuddly sleepers."
- many happy couples find that a little bit of cuddling right before going to bed can
go a long way towards a happy relationship since, on an evolutionary level, humans crave
physical intimacy and touch.
Neuroscientist Paul Zak told Vice,
"Cuddling induces the brain to produce a chemical called oxytocin.
This relaxes us, makes us feel safe around others, and increases our empathic abilities."
This can help deepen the relationship and connection between partners.
Oxytocin has even earned the nickname "the cuddle hormone."
According to Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and published sex expert,
there is a danger in refraining from cuddling or non-sexual touch.
She wrote for Psychology Today -
"Avoiding all those other nonsexual touches makes couples less likely to feel sexual desire,
because they don't feel physically close to their partner - a vicious cycle."
Cuddling is clearly a super important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship with
a romantic partner.
Whatever your preferred method is to wind down at night, it is helpful in the quest
for happy coupledom to have a routine that you perform alongside your partner before
going to bed.
Psychologist Nicole Martinez told Bustle,
"I have had countless couples and individuals speak with me that they think the breakdown
of their evening routine was the start of a lack of intimacy in their relationship."
Luckily there are relatively easy ways to set up a routine that works for both partners.
A routine doesn't even have to involve intricate rituals.
Simply saying those three important words can be part of the wind-down.
Clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner explained to Bustle,
"A vital nighttime routine is to say 'I love you' no matter what."
We know that televisions can disrupt sleep, but many people claim that they cannot sleep
without the noises of a TV.
When you consider the factor that shows and movies can disrupt intimacy between partners,
it becomes clear we've got ourselves a real conundrum.
That's why it is important for couples to agree on whether or not they are a TV-in-the-bedroom kind of couple.
On one hand, it can be intimate for a happy couple to cuddle up and watch a favorite movie
before going to bed.
On the other hand, however, it can be isolating if only one partner is into it.
There are also theories that a television in the bedroom leads to less conversation.
Communication is one of the most important factors when it comes to relationships, so
it's no surprise that happy couples find themselves chattering away to each other as they get
ready to hit the hay.
It doesn't have to be anything profound to qualify as helpful.
"Your eyes were the first thing I noticed when I met you so why would I want anything different?"
"Are you trying to have sex right now?"
"I am, yeah."
Sometimes talking about the mundane before going to bed is just as meaningful as discussing
long term life plans or philosophical views, says relationship expert Robert Weiss.
"It can just be a little bit of inane chatter about the latest TV show or office gossip or whatever.
The simple act of talking and showing interest in each other is an affirmation of the relationship."
The conversation can also be of a more intimate nature, which he says -
"Helps them build trust with each other and to feel safe and connected."
Who doesn't love fresh sheets and a clean, airy bedroom?
According to a study published by the National Sleep Foundation, about 78 percent of respondents
said they were more excited to go to sleep in fresh-smelling sheets.
Additionally, 66 percent of respondents reported a clean bedroom as a key element to getting good rest.
Many happy couples find that sleeping in a tidy, well-kept room helps with a feeling
of satisfaction and calm before bed, which makes for a more satisfying relationship.
The act of routinely tidying up before going to bed can also bring couples together.
Clutter can be anxiety-inducing, and actively removing unnecessary items from the bedroom
can provide immediate relief.
In fact, Ilene Rosen, M.D., a sleep medicine-certified physician at Penn Medicine, told Good Housekeeping,
"The bed should be a place where you sleep and have sex and nothing else.
All of the distractors in your room and certainly in your bed should be cleared out."
Disconnecting from work is really important, especially for happy couples in the quest
for good, restful sleep.
If you think about it, responding to a midnight work email from your boss is completely disruptive
to your sleep and to your relationship.
Time reported on a study regarding work emails and their effects on spouses.
The study suggested that being on call 24/7 not only negatively influenced the mental
health of the employee, but also had a "spillover" effect on the employee's significant other.
Leaving the phones and computers outside of the bedroom can definitely improve the situation,
but it is helpful to avoid conversations about work in general when winding down before going to bed.
We know a joint routine can be a great way for a happy couple to wind down and prepare for sleep.
It is also extremely beneficial if couples can time their bedtimes to coincide with one another's.
For some couples, this is impossible due to work and life schedules, but, generally speaking,
when it is possible, a consistent and parallel bedtime is a helpful habit in making steps
towards a successful relationship.
Author Laura Vanderkam told Business Insider,
"I realize not everyone can go to bed at the same time as his or her partner, but if you
can, it's a great way to connect and talk about your days."
Couples that go to bed at the same time also run less of a chance of disrupting the other's
sleep patterns when they crawl in or out of bed.
Making food together is a great way to connect to a partner before bed.
It allows for bonding time as part of a nightly routine that can bring couples closer as they work together.
Communicating about the process of making food can highlight skills and allow couples
to learn from one another and alongside each other.
And as a bonus, cooking at home has been known to save money.
One study from Cornell University showed that couples who took an egalitarian approach to
housework had happier love lives.
So, it seems like a no brainer that if couples share the workload of making dinner together,
they have better intimacy.
That's probably enough to convince people to cook dinner with their significant others every night.
And the further reward of eating the dinner together offers the chance for a happy couple
to have a quiet time to chat and reflect on the day.
We know cuddling can be a great way to build connection to one's partner.
Massages take this to the next level.
Taking time in the evening to help each other with aches and pains and to relieve the stress
of the day can have some seriously helpful results — not only for the individuals'
comfort but also to help support a deep connection between them.
Massage therapist Geraldine Abergas told Bustle -
"Touch is a way to communicate more honestly as our words can often be influenced or limited,
but with touch, the intention is clear."
Setting the mood with essential oils, the right relaxing music, and a tidy bedroom can
be helpful when happy couples give a stress-relieving massage to each other before going to bed.
Regarding a couples massage study, Northumbria University lead researcher Sayuri Naruse stated,
"These findings show that massage can be a simple and effective way for couples to improve
their physical and mental wellbeing whilst showing affection for one another."
It may go without saying, but happy couples generally are connecting sexually.
Getting it on right before going to bed can be an impactful way to deepen emotional relationships
and to help get a great night's sleep, so ensuring you take time to fit in that intimacy
before getting too sleepy is important.
Relationship expert and author April Masini told Bustle,
"Having sex before bed is a great way to have a good sleep and create the kind of connection
with your partner that long-term, committed relationships thrive on."
Couples can get into bedtime routines that negate this type of intimacy, especially when
there are outside stress factors.
So, even if couples can only manage a quickie, it is important for partners to check in with
each other before sleeping.
Since physical intimacy releases dopamine and oxytocin, partners can get a rush that
aids in sleep and the feeling of deep connection.
While rigorous exercise right before bed is known to negatively impact the quality of
sleep people can get, a gentle stroll with a loved one in the hours before bed can do
wonders when it comes to creating a healthy relationship.
Fresh air and post-dinner movement offer an opportunity for connection.
And taking a technology-free breather away from the home and checking out the neighborhood
lends a fresh perspective and offers the opportunity for intimate conversations.
Additionally, holding hands and keeping pace with each other can offer an intimate physical connection.
This activity could be as simple as a ten-minute circle around the block before going to bed,
but those quiet moments can do wonders for a happy couple's intimacy.
We hold our kids and our pets in the utmost regard.
But unfortunately, they can wreak havoc on sleep patterns as well as a couple's ability
to be intimate — and not just physically.
While there are conflicting reports, it does seem that predominantly happy couples kick
the pets and the kids out of the bedroom before going to bed.
According to John Sheppard, the lead researcher on a Mayo Clinic study that examined the effect
a pet's presence had on an owner's sleep found,
"Of the pet owners, 53 percent considered their sleep to be disrupted to some extent every night."
But he also stated that it's a personal decision for each household whether to have pets in bed.
The same goes for sleeping with kiddos.
Co-sleeping with children is a controversial topic and is definitely a decision to be made
by each parent, but sleep quality and partner relationships just may suffer if kids sleep
in the same space.
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