- Please welcome to the stage your host for the evening
Rebel Wilson. -
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and genderfluid youth.
Welcome to the 75th and final EE British Academy Film Awards. Oh wait,
sorry is this... this is not the final one? Well, we'll see about that.
You guys might be like uh why is Rebel Wilson hosting the BAFTAs, isn't she Australian?
Uh yes, I come from the bush but um yeah yeah if you think about it don't we all?
How amazing was Dame Shirley? Wohoo! I really do love that song. Diamonds are forever,
and so are leg tattos of Daniel Craig.
I regret nothing.
Now, I might look a bit different from the last time that you guys saw me here.
That was me two years ago and since then I've done quite a transformation. I hope JK Rowling
still approves. JK JK
Everybody is asking me like why did you lose weight? Well clearly it was to get
the attention of Robert Pattinson because you know what they say, once you go bat
you don't go back. Just joking guys seriously, I did not lose weight just for a guy, as if.
I did it to get more acting roles. And boy I am now so excited I can play
the non-funny love interest in an Adam Sandler movie.
How good is it though that award shows are back in person!
Actors you can stop doing those wellness podcasts. But look how gorgeous everyone looks tonight!
Really, you look fantastic. Lady Gaga is here.
Nominated for House of Gucci. Apparently they all had Italian accents in that film. I didn't notice.
Tom Hiddleston is in the house.
He's not nominated tonight, he's just here Lo-ki. Sir Kenneth Branagh is here.
The only director not afraid to give Armie Hammer a job. Great!
And guys, this is exciting, the sand worm from Dune is here, look! How cool is that?!
Dune has been nominated for 11 awards including most nominations and also biggest wormhole.
We wanted to open up the show with a Bond number because
Bond is turning 60 and his girlfriends are turning 25.
Now I know there's been a lot of speculation about who is going to become the next James Bond
and there may be some people in the audience tonight hoping that it might be them.
But okay fellas, hold on to your martinis because
the Broccolis have let me announce it here and now.
This is this is a scoop okay. I am proud to announce that the new James Bond
will be me! Oh my god yes. Oh my god they did go diverse. Yeah in your face Richard Madden.
Ok now, look. I don't want people going crazy, like I don't want the fandom
going crazy because there will be a female James Bond. It's not going to change things
that much, okay? Because here is the logo, the regular logo that they use.
And then with a female James Bond it'll just go to this. It's a
slight tweak. Okay and here is my pitch for the new Bond film. Bond goes to Australia and
it can be called Die Another g'day. As the first female 007, the Bond girls will obviously have to
become bond guys. So no more pussy galore, now that'll be changed to dicky bonanza.
And because of the gender pay-gap I actually won't be called 007, I'll be 004.5.
Tonight! Tonight, we are celebrating many great films and the beautiful people that made them.
So please take a look back now at some of the exceptional films of this past year.