-Thank you for coming on the show. I appreciate it.
Congrats on -- -Oh, thank you, Jimmy.
-Congrats on "Roseanne." -I know, right?
-I mean, I know you are Roseanne, but congrats.
I mean, it was one of the -- What was it?
20 million people or something in one --
I mean, that was a giant hit. -Um, 27.
-Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah.
Let's get the number right. Yeah. Absolutely.
I mean, it's the biggest thing ever.
-It's so awesome. -Did you expect that response?
-No, 'cause I -- I never have expectations.
I just have hopes. -Yeah.
-And, you know, but I was blown away.
And, you know, I think people just identify
with the family, and they missed 'em.
They missed the family. -Yeah, there's even some --
Even just the couch is kind of like comfort food.
When you just see the "Roseanne" couch,
you go, "Oh, yeah, I know this."
-We had to rebuild everything 'cause they threw it out,
'cause we didn't think we'd ever come back.
So they re -- What do you call it?
Replicated all of it? -Yeah.
-Down to the wallpaper and everything.
And they did a great job. -Wow.
Did it feel weird going back on the set?
-Yeah, it was like --
We all felt like no time had passed at all,
like, that maybe we had a month off, and it was 21 years.
[ Laughter ]
But it just all clicked, and it was just like being home.
Yeah. I mean, well, it couldn't be a bigger thing.
But, then, also, with a big hit
comes people that aren't so happy, as well.
If you say that you're a supporter of Donald Trump or...
-Oh, yeah, people are mad about that.
But, you know, I don't give a [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Laughs ] Yeah.
I mean, is that how you deal with it?
-I mean, everybody has to -- Well, everybody had to choose
for themselves, according to their own conscience,
who they thought was the lesser of two evils.
You know, everybody chose that.
So I'm not gonna put anybody down who didn't vote like me.
This is America. It's a free country.
And, you know, when you weigh it all together,
you know, I just think --
I just felt like we needed a whole new thing,
all the way, bottom to top.
-Yeah. And you did. You changed it up.
But you're now doing stand-up again, right?
-I am. -Congrats. How's that?
Are you excited about doing that again?
Do you have any stories?
-I just toured Canada, which, you know, was fun.
[ Scattered cheers ] -Yeah, Canada is beautiful.
-Canadians. Hi, Canadians.
-We allow 10 to 12 Canadians per show.
-Yeah, they told me --
I said, "Is it going to be warm in Canada in April?"
Because I live in Hawaii, you know?
And they said, "Oh, it's a wonderful spring thing,"
and it was like 90 below or something.
Ice -- These big chunks of ice were coming at our car.
And I got really sick, you know,
'cause I haven't been in snow for almost 30 years.
So it was freaky. But, you know...
I just felt like, well, you got to do what's given to you.
So I just did it, you know? -Yeah.
So, you got your start, I would say,
on "The Tonight Show." -Oh, yeah.
-With Johnny Carson. The great Johnny Carson.
Here's a photo... -The great Johnny Carson.
-...of you from 1985.
-Oh! Look at that.
-I mean, what do you remember?
That's fantastic.
[ Cheers and applause ]
What do you remember about it?
-Well, I remember about this here --
that I tried to get a hip haircut
'cause my hair looked like crap.
So I went to a Hollywood, or, you know, a hairdo place,
and they gave me a mullet, which I hated.
And I couldn't find anything,
you know, my size to wear at the store, so I got this thing.
It looks like a couch.
And, you know, it's just, like,
culture shock going to California.
But the most thing I remember is, of course, Johnny Carson,
'cause I'd dreamed of that all my life.
My dad used to let me stay up if I did my homework
to watch Johnny Carson's monologue,
and it was just such, you know, an integral part of my life,
and there I was doing it.
You know, it was crazy. -And where was he to you?
Like, was he to the right of you or to the left of you?
I was, like, right there, and he's like how you are,
you know, to the -- What is that? Right?
-Yeah, to the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And I was just like, "Oh, my God."
That was way before they invented
Poise pads and adult diapers.
[ Laughter ]
So I was like, "Oh, my God." You know, I was just so scared.
Yeah. Hey, you don't do --
You don't do adult diapers now, do you?
-Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
I'm coming out with my own line of adult diapers.
-You are? -Yeah.
I think it's gonna be a big hit for me,
'cause I wanna do this branding,
like Kris Jenner and all them, you know?
-Yeah. Smart.
-I think it's gonna be a big hit for me.
Look for 'em in the stores. It's called "Urine Luck."
[ Laughter ]
I think it's gonna be a big hit.
-That's not bad. I would...
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's true, though. I'm old, so, you know.
But after -- No, please. You look fantastic.
Oh, you're sweet. Thanks.
-You do your set on "The Tonight Show."
Johnny Carson -- he calls you over to the couch.
-Yeah, he goes like this, and I'm like, "Oh, hell no."
-That wasn't planned, right? -No.
And I was already just panicking so bad,
and I was like -- I just ran.
I ran out, you know. -You did.
And he said, "Well..." He made a remark about it.
And then the next time I was on, they came to my dressing room,
and they were like, "Johnny really wants you,
after you're done, to go sit with him and this and that.
And don't run out."
And so I'm like, "Oh, my God," and I was a babbling idiot.
-Oh, no. -I was just a babbling idiot.
All I could say was, "Thank you, Mr. Carson.
Thank you, Mr. Carson."
He'd, like, ask me questions.
Usually, I'd have a joke or something, but it was,
"Thank you, Mr. Carson!"
-Well, that's nice, though. It was respect.
-And it was really crazy because I'd only been in L.A.
about two weeks when I got "The Tonight Show."
And then, on my first or second "Tonight Show,"
Julio Iglesias was the guest, also.
And he invited me to tour with him for 18 weeks.
And I was just a housewife then,
and my husband worked at the post office.
But that took off -- My career, you know, took off,
and then I got the "Roseanne" show off of that tour.
-Holy mackerel!
-It was, like, the next year. -Isn't that amazing?
-It was. I'm -- You know, thank God.
-Yeah. That's fantastic. Oh, that's a great story.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It goes on to be one of the greatest shows ever.
-Thank you.
-For almost ten years -- Ten seasons or whatever.
-Yeah. It was nine.
This was our tenth season that we just --
the one that's on now.
We're calling it our tenth season.
-Did you ever think it would come back?
-I didn't think that I would do it, you know,
'cause I thought, "I don't know. I'm tired and old."
And then -- -Then you crushed it, yeah.
-And then Sara Gilbert and John Goodman
did a sketch on her talk show.
And she called me,
'cause it got like 10 million hits or something.
People liked it.
And Sara called up, and she goes,
"Would you want to do three?"
First it was a reunion show.
And I said, "Yeah, definitely. A reunion show."
Then it was like, "Well, do you want to do three?"
So I'm like, "yeah."
Then it was, "Did you wanna do nine?"
And I said, "Yeah."
And, you know, because I'm working with
just the funniest, most fun people that I love so much.
-Great people, I know, behind the scenes.
Morgan Murphy. -Yeah, isn't she great?
Whitney Cummings. I love that. Norm Macdonald.
-Love Norm. -I mean, always loved Norm.
Was Norm one of the originals? -Wanda Sykes.
-Wanda Sykes is on it. I mean, that's all-stars.
-It was a blast. It was the most fun I've ever had.
I just can't believe it. I feel so lucky.
-Well, clearly, you hit a nerve. Everyone loves to watch you.
-Well, our next show is --
You know, our next few shows are, like, gonna be --
It gets better and better every week,
so i can't wait till people see the next few shows.
And can I plug where I'm at? -Of course, you can.
-Well, I'm gonna do stand-up May 17th at, um...
[ Laughter ] No, I know.
I can't remember anything.
MGM National Harbor, D.C.
-Yeah. All right, yeah. MGM National Harbor.
I can do that for you.
-I remember when I was on "The Tonight Show"
I wrote all my jokes on my hand, too.
-I'm so happy. Thank you so much for coming.
Roseanne Barr, everybody.