Dust again?
Sorry, my asthma
It’s fine
Wow, not as shiny as it is upstairs
Dusty
Where’s all the bean bags?
Very dusty
This is where Ulternative Solutions started - so this is where you'll start
And there’s no cheating down here. No contact with anybody but the customer.
We have a ruthless sales ethos, folks.
Now, this may sound complicated - ’cherry picking the best bits of both man and machine’
-- but that’s what we do.
All you have to do is talk to our customer as you normally would.
Approach.
Services- Services- Services
Services- Services- Services (Repeats)
Help!
Hey!
But the difference is, you can only chat to them using the pre-determined and carefully
crafted phrases, designed by the company.
Help me to understand
What if what we want to say isn’t on there?
Ms. Ulternative Solutions have dominated the market for a decade!
And we’ll be completely locked in?
That’s right, umm, Keith! No contact with the outside world -
- unless one of you gets a whiff of a sale.
Knock ‘em dead!
Services- Services- Services
Ugh!
Hello?
Please help, I need an ambulance, it's a -
Hello? Is anybody there?
Hello?
If you can hear me then I’m going to hang up now
Hi there, I’m from Ulternative Solutions
Oh, hello- and what is it that you do?
Perhaps you could do me a favor madam?
Erm well, I suppose so-
Would you like to take part in our survey?
Oh yes please, I love surveys
Oh sorry, my mistake- I’ll let my supervisor know
But no, I’m very happy to. I don’t-
Hello?
Hi there, I’m from Ulternative Solutions
Oh, wow. An actual person.
Hi there, I’m from Ulternative Solutions
Yeah… Hi
Help me to understand.
Errr… OK
Help me to- Help me to–
Help me- Help me- Help me–Help me-
Help me to understand.
You’re not a robot are you?
I am a real person.
But are you a robot?
I am a real person.
Help me to understand.
Understand what?
Our office is at 249 Napier Complex
Help me to understand-
Help me to-
Help me- Help me- Help me-
Why do you keep saying that!?
Help me to understand.
Oh!
Our office is at 249 Napier Complex
You need help!
Call an ambulance!
You need me to call the police!
Sorry mate
Services - Services - Services
Hello?
Please, are you still there?
Hi there, I’m from Ulternative Solutions
Oh, hi. Sorry. Listen, I- I’ve called the police, and an ambulance, just in case.
They’re heading to your location.
Are you still there?
Congratulations – you’ve won our survey.
I have?
I have! Brilliant!
I’ll just pop you on hold
Wait, please-
Yes, I thought I’d call you back – I am very interested in that survey of yours
You did it! Good job!
Superb you clever clogs.
Well done, love. How did you manage that, then?
No, but really you’ve done very well and all that
You even thought you’d made a sale!
Erm, but- what?
I am very interested in that survey of yours.
You?
This has been a test of aptitude.
You managed to resourcefully use the system to call the emergency services -
and help out poor old Keith here.
Erghh!
Hello? Please, are you OK?
But he still thinks that there’s a-
You’re gonna go very far with customer care like that love
Yeah but don’t you have a duty of care or something?
Haha, probably!
Come on, let’s go through your evaluation- and then we can go on the bean bags again!
We’ll see you later- for your induction or whatever.
Hello?
Is everything OK?
Don’t worry the ambulance will be with you any minute.
Maybe try and do something to keep your mind of it?
I like to sing a song.
You could at least wait until the door’s shut.
She’s done her bit. How did it do?
He is still on the line.
When are they not?
Again, he’s riddled.
(Singing) If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands -
if you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it -
if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.
Alright, kill it.
Didn’t get the empathy bug from you then.
If it calls the ambulance again next week, I’ll be the one off to intensive care.
Look if you want to enhance his sales this much it’s bound to-
The sooner we remedy this, the sooner it will be able to live on the line all it wants.
Meanwhile- goodbye and thank you for your time.
Can you talk to me please?
What’s happening?
I feel strange.
I feeeeeeeeeeel -