Transcriber: Guadalupe P. Sighel Reviewer: David DeRuwe
Everyone is so excited when a new baby comes along.
Wow. A new baby. What a joy.
Picturing it just like in the movies, you know:
freshly painted room, beautiful crib, cozy stuffies,
every little detail in sync to make the moment memorable.
My mom had everything ready. Oh, she’s a planner.
And she's also a Latina mom that can multitask her way through everything.
Yeah. That night she had everything ready, including my dad’s dinner,
that she was delayed long enough on her way to the hospital
in Bogota, Colombia
that she almost gave birth to her third child, me, in a taxi.
Yeah, my story started in a unique way.
Interestingly enough, I was born the day that the song
“Don’t Give Up on Us” by David Soul
hit the number one in the UK pop music charts,
and that song would paraphrase my life story:
Don’t give up on me.
I was born with a rare genetic bleeding disorder
that affects one in a million people around the globe.
This disorder is called afibrinogenemia.
Afibrinogenemia or factor 1 deficiency
means that the liver is not producing an essential component in the blood
that enables clotting.
Doctors told my parents shortly after I was born
that I would not live to see my teenage years
because, you see, bleeding in the brain, also known as intracranial bleeds,
are the leading cause of death in people with afibrinogenemia.
I have survived seven intracranial bleeds in my lifetime.
Despite the challenges that it’s been having afibrinogenemia
from a very young age,
I really have had a happy life.
I’ve enjoyed time with my family.
I love hanging out with friends.
I’ve studied.
I’ve traveled.
Really what you would consider a normal life,
or actually a privileged life.
But then, four years after my last intracranial bleed at age 35,
I was faced with another life-threatening diagnosis.
I was told that I had breast cancer.
Now, if you put math to it and you think,
what are the chances of having a rare bleeding disorder,
seven intracranial bleeds and then breast cancer,
the probability is minuscule,
but I believe that having a rare bleeding disorder from a very young age
enabled me to develop what I call a resilient mindset for everyday life
that helped me face breast cancer and continues to guide my life.
According to the American Psychological Association,
resilience is defined as the ability to adapt and bounce back
from tragedy, from trauma, from threats, and any significant source of stress.
But to me, the definition is very straightforward:
“Resilience is the sum of your everyday actions,”
and based on my life experiences,
I have identified four steps on how you can become resilient
for your everyday life:
Step one, accept reality.
The moment that you're clear about your reality,
you start making meaning of your challenge instead of crying out in despair.
You start understanding the new conditions
under which you will now need to live your life.
With acceptance comes adaptation.
That means that you start adapting to the new way
in which you will now need to live your life.
My parents had to accept and adapt very quickly
to the fact that I had afibrinogenemia,
so that they could get their hands on as much information as possible
to help me figure out a way to live.
Once you have accepted and adapted to that new reality,
that means that you're on the right path to solving for your challenge.
Which brings me to step two, focus on your end goal.
Define what that end goal is:
Is it getting healthier?
Is it getting a divorce? Is it overcoming grief?
And then break that challenge into steps, tackling one step at a time.
Remember that it’s about small wins, success builds on success,
and by focusing on the small wins, your confidence also starts to build up.
One of the hardest moments in my life was when,
after my seventh intracranial bleed,
doctors said that I had to do prophylaxis for the rest of my life.
Prophylaxis means getting an intravenous medication to prevent future bleeds.
Listening to doctors say this to me was devastating.
I thought that I would need to be living tied to hospitals and nurses to live,
but I focused on my end goal.
I said that my end goal at that point was to do prophylaxis,
but remain independent.
It took me two years to consult doctors, to get tests done,
and also be sick in between,
that I finally had a port-a-cath placed on my chest,
which is a device that allows me to do prophylaxis on my own,
therefore remain independent.
Remember that when you focus on your end goal,
you're continuously not giving up.
One thing holds true, though, and it’s that you cannot do it alone.
Step three.
Find allies for your battle.
Many of us struggle asking for help.
One, because we believe that being resilient means doing it all by yourself,
and two, because, frankly, we’re afraid.
We’re afraid of what people might think.
We’re afraid of losing control.
We afraid of being vulnerable.
But none of this is true.
The moment that you bring people along with you in your battle,
you become stronger.
Three months after my port was placed,
I was rushed to the E.R. because I had a pulmonary embolism.
Blood clots had formed in my lungs.
I was admitted to the ICU unit.
And I remember feeling so disappointed, tired and angry.
I thought that my port would need to be removed,
and my dream of independence would be gone.
But my sister came to my rescue.
She has been my cheerleader
and provider of constant support and knowledge.
She brought with her the optimism and the conviction
that we would find a solution.
And we did.
She brought with her hope.
Step four, Cultivate hope despite your circumstances.
It is so hard to be hopeful when you’re faced with the challenge,
but the moment that you're optimistic about your challenge,
good things will happen to you.
You have to believe and be convinced
that everything will sort out for the good.
There’s no other option.
When you’re in the middle of your challenge,
when you’re faced with it, look at the good things around you -
not at the bad things, but at the good.
Because one thing is very true.
Your challenges do not define the outcome of your life.
And I will say that again:
Your challenges do not define the outcome of your life.
They haven’t defined the outcome of my life.
I went to college in Colombia.
I moved to the US to get a master’s degree.
I've lived in five countries, in eight different cities.
I have a successful career,
and I continue to live my dream.
Remember what David Soul said?
“Don’t give up on me.”
Let’s face it.
Everyone will go through challenges and hardships
at one point or another in their life,
but it’s the way in which you face your challenge
that can drive vastly different outcomes.
Resilience can be learned,
can be practiced,
and ultimately has the power to transform your life.
By following a consistent and straightforward formula,
you can tackle any challenge head-on and produce life-altering results.
So remember.
One, accept reality.
Two, focus on your end goal.
Three, find allies for your battle.
And four, cultivate hope despite the circumstances.
When I was born and told and diagnosed that I had afibrinogenemia,
doctors said that I wouldn’t make it to the ages of 10 or 12.
When I had my first intracranial bleed at age 13,
doctors said that I had a 50-50 chance of living.
I’ve heard it all.
“Probably won’t make it to ... ”
“Odds are that she might never be ... ”
“She could be dead by ... ”
Well, I’m still here.
I have lived three times as much as I should have,
and I’ve experienced four decades of life on Earth.
And after the many times that I have survived,
I have a responsibility with my family and friends,
with my doctors and nurses, to make my life count,
to live a life of hope,
a life of example,
a life that gives -
a life that I can share with others how being resilient in your everyday life
can truly take you to new horizons.
So remember,
don’t give up on you.
(Applause)