- Ah ha ha! Ba Ba!
Hey guys, so I thought I would dedicate
this video to something that I have a big problem with.
And that's allergies.
I've actually had allergies since I was a kid.
I remember going into the doctor's office
and him telling my mom that I'm allergic
to ceclor and pediazole and I still don't know
what those things are but I know
that if I have them I will swell up like Hitch.
- Ohhhh!!!
- But those are just the things that I can control.
The real problem is when I walk outside.
The second that I walk outside in the summertime
it's like (gasps), like (gasps).
I can't breathe, I start sneezing, my eyes get red,
and I just feel like a big pack of poo.
It really sucks being allergic in the summertime
because there's so much to do outside
and it really limits the things that you can do.
Like going for a hike or just being in nature
in general is sort of limited for me.
And not only am I limited to things
that I can do outside but lucky me
I'm also allergic to cats and some animals inside.
I'm not allergic to air but I'm allergic
to fur and any sort of feline.
And that really sucks because a lot of the people
that I know have cats so going over to their house
is always sort of a gamble.
It's like am I going to be able to breathe?
Showing up to important event where there's a cat.
Breathing, mean kitty.
And the crappiest thing is that
they've gotten worse as I've gotten older.
Can that even happen?
Literally when I was a kid I was just allergic
to maybe one or two things and now that I'm
getting older it's like everything.
And you're probably thinking, "But Matt
"why don't you just take allergy pills?"
Well I do take allergy pills
except they don't completely help the situation.
And not to mention how expensive they are.
Oh hello Mr Pharmacist I would like to buy this reactant
and in exchange here's my left nut.
So I actually googled allergies
to see what the hell I can do about it
and I actually stumbled across
some really interesting stuff.
I came across a website that outlines
the 10 most bizarre allergies in the world.
And if you have regular allergies like me
you're gonna want to keep watching
because you're not gonna feel so bad
for having them after you hear about these.
The first one is the allergy to sex.
I think this is shittiest for guys
because you can't get your (beep) on.
Apparently where the allergy comes from
is the hypersensitivity to the seed plasma.
That means semen.
Apparently there's no cure for the allergy to sex
but there is two things you can do.
One is use a condom,
or my personal favorite, therapeutic exposure.
In other words a lot of (beep)-ing.
The next one is the allergy to water.
Yeah, water, the thing that your body is made up 85% of.
I've actually seen these people on Oprah.
I don't watch Oprah.
No but really I've seen these people
on talk shows before and they are all kinds of messed up.
They're basically perpetually walking around as a giant rash
and not only is there no cure for it
but I think the worst part is that you can't go swimming
and you can't shower, stinky, stinky!
The next most bizarre is the allergy to shoes.
Ladies you're gonna hate this one.
Apparently most shoes are made with the same kind
of adhesive that these people are allergic to.
But the cure is actually pretty simple
either wear socks or go barefoot like Jesus.
Number four is the allergy to exercise.
People that are allergic to exercise
can actually go into anaphylactic shock.
So going for something like a simple jog could end in death.
So if your chub city now you have an excuse.
Fatsos around the world rejoice!
The next one is the allergy to the sun.
Could you imagine being allergic to the sun?
Doesn't that make you a vampire?
People that are allergic to the sun can't go outside
or if they do go outside
they have to completely cover their body.
Number six the allergy to underwear.
So apparently most underwear is made with latex
and some people are allergic to latex.
But this one's not so bad
cause there's a pretty simple solution.
Just go commando.
♫ Do your balls hang low
♫ Do they wobble to and fro ♫
Number seven's the allergy to technology.
Now if this were me I would kill myself.
Must be with me at all times.
This allergy is actually so severe
that they can't use everything
from cell phones to microwave ovens.
Even wireless internet will make them go Ffft-tat-dah!!
The weirdest thing about this though is that
some of these people actually move into
little communities together and avoid technology entirely.
Wait isn't that the Amish?
Number eight is the allergy to chocolate.
This one sucks.
Chocolate is so tasty.
If someone's allergic to chocolate and they eat it
I don't think it kills them but they
get like headaches, rashes, and nausea.
And the worst symptom is they just get cranky
cause they can't eat chocolate.
Number nine is the allergy to cold.
And if you have this one I guarantee
you're not living in Canada.
Those who are allergic to the cold
will either faint, go into shock, or even die,
just by being exposed to the cold.
And there's no cure for this one
but there are medicines out there
that make it a little easier.
I say if you're allergic to the cold
move to somewhere warm, problem solved.
And number 10 and this is possibly the weirdest one.
Allergic to all foods and beverages.
Ohh (fingers clicking) that's what the Olsen twins had.
No but really this condition is so rare
it doesn't even have a name.
People that have this condition
can't have anything except water.
And if you have this condition I feel so bad for you
cause I've just had McDonald's breakfast and it was tasty!
I'm sorry that was rude, you have a serious condition.
So that's all I wanted to share with you guys.
If you have allergies like I do I feel for you
because I know how much they suck.
But after hearing about those ones
my hope is that you won't feel so bad
about your condition cause it could be a lot worse.
Ad that's it guys, I'll see you next video.
Peace.
(siren wailing)
Shit's goin' down.