Welcome Back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Welcome to the kill zone.’
Probably would have been a better title.
TC 2000 starts with a bleak but accurate statement.
‘No one took the environment seriously until it was too late’
And it’ll be nice to see how that pays off but for now, standard post-apocalyptic rules;
Everyone set fire to the nearest oil drum, take a sudden interest in Chinese culture and indulge in death matches.
‘Will reap the greatest prize we have to offer’
Is it a goldfish?
After the environmental catastrophe, the rich moved underground and the poor are kept out by a security force called TCs.
‘I was in the TC unit, Tracker Communicator’
Yeah, any two words’ll do.
The implication is that the surface dwellers are the innocent victims of social injustice,
but all we see are violent gangs,
'Death to the underworld!'
Like the lifers who have apparently installed zip wires everywhere…
and a group of camp pirates...
'Comeon. Our Mission awaits us.'
Led by Niki Picasso.
‘Let’s party boys.’
It is kind of weird that our heroes are TCs.
‘Our enemies are the criminals of surface world, not each other’
The protectors of the wealthy charged with keeping out the riff-raff,
but the situation does develop after we meet Jason Storm.
‘It’s just one big frying pan out there.’
Clearly a hero with that name.
And his partner Zoe, whose father was one of the architects of underworld.
‘My Dad said never to take it off’
‘But he never told you what it was for.’
Subtle foreshadowing.
'Right.'
The defining factor of this future is…
Martial arts. Even the homeless have nunchuks.
When Lifers break into Underworld the fighting is fierce,
hand to hand, and endless.
You got him!
'Back to the surface world with you chump.'
Why didn’t you do that earlier?
This film is just a series of fight scenes,
only to be watched if you have a high tolerance for half-naked men grunting at each other
while doing something that might be fighting,
but could equally be dancing.
Even the food is ripped.
‘Try some of my mussel pasta.’
I can get my head around the surface dwellers not having weapons
and I might grudgingly accept that ballistic technology has been outlawed even for the authorities,
except for one thing,
two actually.
These are the only two guns in the whole movie.
They undermine the world completely.
‘Real bullets’
Why didn’t we think of that?
Fatally wounded, Zoe’s corpse is handed over to the authorities.
‘Can we program her to do whatever we want?’
Yes it’s Robocop, part man, part machine, all cop.
‘80% human, 20% machine and 100% dedicated to its mission.’
Just as catchy but without the copyright issue.
'Lades and gentleman I give you the TC 2000 X.'
We decided to make her hot.
But, like King Kong, she’s susceptible to flash photography.
Meanwhile…
‘Jason Storm has defected to the surface world.’
Impossible, his name’s Storm.
In fact Jason is fleeing a system he finally recognises as corrupt.
‘No one ever accused me of being bright’
Joining the poor and destitute on the surface.
And immediately beating the crap out of them,
because it’s been almost 5 minutes since there was a fight.
Joining forces with Bolo Yeung’s Master Sumai he wants revenge on Niki Picasso,
who he blames for Zoe’s death.
‘I’ve waited a long time for this moment’
About two days. But then…
‘Partner?’
Beaten by Zoe, Jason recovers through the obligatory training montage…
culminating in…
'Will you teach me?'
'Yes.'
I could watch this all day.
Now the bad guy controller teams up with Niki Picasso.
‘You’ll get everything I promised; guns.’
Oh you do have them, do you?
Cos it seems to me that if you had guns you could conquer the surface without the pirates.
‘It’s time to die’
Zoe’s ancestry now comes into play.
‘Now it’s time for Daddy’s little girl to get down on her knees, isn’t it’
Well that’s the worst thing ever.
Zoe’s necklace gets them into the Terminal Station from where they can eradicate all the surface dwellers.
‘That’s insane’
designed by Zoe’s Dad, though he didn’t intend it to be used for evil.
‘The kill zone’s right through that door’
I haven’t sweated the plot because there’s at least 4 sides and they only exist to keep the fights coming.
It’s not difficult to understand because it’s complicated,
it’s difficult to understand because it’s impossible to care.
‘What?’
Anyway we know where this is going.
‘Jason?’
‘Zoe?’
Why is he surprised?
They save the surface dwellers, but none of that is going to fix the environment.
‘Mother Nature really is healing herself.’
There’s a hell of an environmental message;
it’ll probably sort itself out.
‘Well that’s fu’
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