- [Narrator] Hi, Psych2Goers.
Do you find it hard to socialize?
Wanna learn how to be more likable?
You're in the right place.
Research in the field of social psychology has helped widen
our understanding of relationships
and how people will act in social groups and situations.
Knowing this, you can learn ways
to boost your likability when around people.
So if you want to expand your social circle,
here are seven ways to make people like you more.
Number one, talk nicely about other people.
Have you ever met a person
who just couldn't stop gossiping about others?
Did they come off likable and trustworthy?
Most probably not.
Spontaneous trait inference
is a judgment you automatically make
about people's personalities based on their behavior.
So when you hear someone describe others in a negative way,
you may associate them with those negative traits.
On the other hand, if they talk about others
in a positive way, you'll probably like that person more.
So if you want someone to like you, keep away from gossip.
Look for qualities and positive traits in everyone.
And if you talk about someone behind their back,
give them nothing but compliments.
Number two, be aware of your body language.
Do you shake your leg
or tap your fingers on the table when you're anxious?
Even if your voice stays quiet,
people can tell a lot about you from your face
and body language.
For example, looking someone in the eyes can let them know
that they have your full attention.
However, staring at them for too long
can become threatening.
So remember to glance away every now and then.
You can also nod too
when someone is talking to let them know
that you're actively listening to them.
Similarly, try not to keep your arms and legs crossed
as it may send a message that you're being defensive,
self-protective, or closed off.
Number three, be aware of their body language too.
While it's good to be aware of your own body language,
it's good to be conscious of theirs as well.
Researchers from New York University in 1999
published a paper describing a phenomenon
called the chameleon effect,
which is to mimic other people's posture, mannerisms,
facial expressions, and other behaviors.
By matching your body language to theirs,
it will increase the likelihood of them liking you more.
And this goes the other way as well.
If you notice that a person is mirroring your movements,
then it may mean that they like you already.
Of course, be careful not to overdo it
as it may end up looking creepy
if you end up just copying everything they do.
Number four, try not to judge anyone.
Ever know someone who just couldn't help themselves
when it came to judging other people
and their values and opinions?
When you are in the company of someone who is judgy,
you may feel like you can't share any opinion
or be yourself around them
since you don't wanna start a heated discussion.
For this reason, you should try being nonjudgmental
as much as you can.
Try to recognize that every opinion matters
and that every choice people make is driven by something
behind the curtain, something that is important to them.
It may be hard if you're passionate about a certain topic,
but if you can create an image of yourself
that presents you as a non-judgmental person,
others will feel safe and respected around you,
which of course will mean that they'll like you more.
Number five, ask them questions about their lives.
In a 2012 study from Harvard University,
researchers found that talking about yourself
makes your brain release the same chemicals
as it is releasing when you do something pleasurable,
like eating a delicious meal,
having sex, or receiving money.
As a matter of fact, in the same research,
when they had a choice of answering questions
about themselves or receiving money,
participants chose to talk about themselves.
The results send a clear message.
Let people talk about themselves.
You can ask questions about their career,
school, favorite band, family,
or anything that you think might be important to them.
By spurring on conversations about them,
they may come to associate the happiness they experience
during those conversations with you.
Number six, spread happiness and positivity.
Have you ever spent time with someone
who was just a bubble of joy,
always smiling, laughing, spreading positivity?
Did you notice those good feelings catching onto you?
Psychologists have a term for that,
and it's called emotional contagion.
This means that emotional states
can be transferred to others,
where they experience the same emotions as you.
It goes for all emotions:
fear, sadness, frustration, joy, and happiness,
even though you can't just be happy all the time.
When you are feeling happy,
try to experience that happiness to the fullest.
Let the people around you feel it too.
If you share that joy, others will catch on
and they'll seek your company the next time they see you.
And number seven, let them know you like them.
We emphasized how people like being in the company
of those who give them pleasurable feelings,
and there is one more effect
that can help you achieve this: reciprocal liking.
Confirmed by a large body of research,
it shows that knowing someone likes you
will make you like that person too,
whether you tell them directly,
whether you're extra friendly to them
or act warm in general.
The next time you fancy someone, you should let them know.
So have you tried any of these?
Let us know in the comments below.
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The references and studies used in this video are added
in the description below.
Thanks for watching and we'll see you in the next one.