♪ (You are beautiful) ♪ unless you're one of these ugly animals.
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Good Mythical Morning! - You know, in this world, it can be...
...tough to get people to agree on anything.
- Yeah. - But today we are hoping against hope...
...that we are going to be able to agree on what is the ugliest animal in the...
- ...world! - Because that matters. It matters...
...so much that we're gonna do something a little bit different today.
- It's time to get ranked! - ♪ (distorted guitar) ♪
- (crash) - As you can see, we have a...
...board here behind us with five slots wherein we are going to rank officially
- and forever the ugliest animals on Earth. - And each Mythical Crew member will...
...be presenting their animal, and as they do that, we will put their animal
in the spot of consideration, starting with Stevie!
- (Link) Ugh! That's an ugly thing. - That is the star-nosed mole.
- I've heard of it. - Here's the kicker. That is the...
...front end. - (Rhett laughing) Thanks for clarifying.
(Stevie) That's what we're looking at right now.
- Okay. That is a face. - (Stevie) It looks to me like...
- 'Cause it does look like the exit. - Yeah. It looks like something is...
- ...blown through the exit... - (Link) Ooh!
- ...like, on a quick way out. - Been there.
- (crew laughing) - Like lack of fiber.
- (laughing) - That's actually what star-nosed...
- ...means. - (laughing) Okay.
- I got star-nosed last night. - but it kind of looks like one of...
...those B horror movie, like, scary characters...
- (Rhett) Yep. - ...or if a rat really liked to...
...consume children but the children were like, "Nooo!" and they just stuck...
- ...their hands out. - Oh. Baby fingers.
- (laughing) - (Stevie) Yeah, baby fingers.
Yeah, it could definitely be the mascot for the fiber industry.
- (Stevie laughing) - "Don't let this happen to you."
- It's like on cereal boxes. - Does he even have eyes?
- It's blind. Those little finger things... - How do you know it's a he?
- ...make it feel around. - (Rhett) That could be a woman.
But I think it has eyes that don't work. But you can't really see them.
(Rhett) That is nasty. I wouldn't want that for a face. That's definitely...
- ...ugly. I think it's ugly. - At least the hands are pretty.
(Rhett) Okay, so I'm gonna put this one at spot 3, just because I don't know what
else is coming, you know? This is about as ugly of a thing as I can think of...
- ...right now, but it's the only one. - It can move either way.
We remain in our unbiased positions as we field the next presenter who is...
- Chase! - Yep, that's me.
- (Link) Okay, Chase. - That's not me.
- Hey, Chase. This isn't you. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- (Chase) No, that's the proboscis monkey. - (Link) Oh!
- (Chase) Proboscis means like, "big nose." - I see he has a big nose.
Yeah, you can see he's got a (laughing) real big nose.
And a red face, too. Kind of looks like, I don't know, Gerard Depardieu had...
- a shellfish reaction or something. - (Everyone on and offscreen laughing)
- Which could happen. - Poor guy.
So the males have those huge noses, which they use...
- What's it for, though? - Only the males have 'em?
- Mhm. It's used for two things. One... - (Rhett) Hold on, is it gonna be...
- (Chase) ...it attracts the ladies. - ...appropriate if you tell me what...
- ...they use it for? - I think so.
- (Link) Smelling. - Uh, sure. That's the third.
And then also, when they get threatened, it gets even bigger. It swells with...
- ...blood and gets really engorged. - Okay.
- (crew offscreen laughing) - And then it amplifies their honk.
- (Rhett) This is un-enlarged right now? - Yeah, that's regular.
(Link) Is the honk also ugly? Like, can you give me a sample?
- I mean, I don't think it's visually ugly. - What's it sound like?
- I'm gonna think it goes like... - (crew offscreen laughing)
- Waaa! Waaa! - (crew offscreen laughing)
You said, "I'm gonna think that it..." That's not how life works, Chase.
- (everyone on and offscreen laughing) - I didn't...
- You can't just make reality by thinking. - But it is... I mean, the look on his face.
(Link) He knows that he's ugly, which is just sad.
You guys are saying he's ugly. I do think that there's parts of him...
that are ugly, but look at those eyes. He's got a nice set of eyes.
- (Rhett) Almond eyes. - (Link) And he's got a part right down...
- ...the center of of his head. - (Rhett) And a really tight beard.
Looks like he goes to a barber who cuts beards.
- Know what I'm saying? - The facial hair is amazing.
I say balding. It looks like he's balding to me.
- (Rhett) There's nothing wrong with that. - (Link) That's hair!
There no way that he is uglier than that thing. I mean, he would be my friend.
- This thing, I'm running away. - I mean, I do have to point out:
- that's his nose, but that's his nose. - (crew offscreen laughing)
Exactly. So I think it's a safe assumption to say that we should at least put him...
...at the 4 spot. Yeah, right. That's less ugly.
'Cause the lower the number, the uglier. This is the ugliest animal, right?
- (crew offset laughing) - Yeah, number one.
- Okay, moving along. - He could be a French actor.
- Alex. Whoa! Alex. Good gracious. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- (Link) Oh, wow. - (Alex) This is our friend the blobfish.
I honestly feel like he kinda speaks for himself.
- He speaks? That thing can talk? - (crew laughing)
It looks like a guy who's just very sad and then started to melt, I feel like.
(Link) When you et so sad you start to melt, things get ugly.
- It does look like a human. - (Alex) Exacly.
- (Rhett) Which makes it extra ugly. - You know what, not a lot is known...
...about the blobfish, because it's in the deep sea, you know.
- (Alex) And people think it's just... - Well, I know it now.
...because the other animals got together and were like...
- It is ugly. - "Nah, you should stay down here."
I mean, if I had trust issues with you, I would think that you printed this off...
- and then Sharpied on eyes. - (Alex) That's the real deal.
I wouldn't even think... I'd think that this would be, like, waste...
...from another animal. Like slime waste that you put eyeballs on.
- Exactly, Link. - Can you prove that it's not just a...
- ...sad man? Because... - Scientifically? No.
(Link) Look at that drool. Sad man's drooling, too.
I mean, he has no muscles, and it could just be a really sad out-of-shape man.
It's like an open casket of a person who died of sadness. I'm sorry.
- (laughing) - That's ugly. That's really ugly.
I've heard of this thing, and the only context I've heard of it in is the context
of ugly. So I think we're going to number 1 with this baby.
I'm putting it -- yeah. Or do you want to hold out hope?
- Okay, yeah. Put it at 2. - (Rhett) Let's hold out hope.
- (Rhett) I think that's the best thing. - (Link) I hope there's nothing uglier...
- ...than that. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- (Rhett) All right, moving along. Lizzie. - (Link) And interestingly, it does...
- ...have a big nose. - What in the world, Lizzie?
- Koala bear? - Yep. Yeah, uh... allow me to explain.
- Please do. - (crew offscreen laughing)
Unconventional choice, but I think I will be able to sway you to my side here.
They have beady red eyes, number one. They have gummy fur. They have a
terrible face to forehead to eyeball ratio. It's not good. It's like a child
LSD went to a Build-a-Bear, and then just messed up hard.
- (laughing) You know, I've never... - Child on LSD went to Build-a-Bear.
...thought of this before, but there could be a whole 'other face on top of the face.
Yes! Who made it like that?! It was a mistake.
- Hey, yeah. - That makes your forehead look small, Link.
- I'm starting to be a little offended here. - (crew offscreen laughing)
This is hitting a little too close to home.
For the real kicker, though, they just give you chlamydia.
- What is uglier than an STD? - They gave you chlamydia?
- (crew offscreen laughing) - No, I...
- What were you doing with the koala? - After-hours at the zoo.
- (crew offscreen laughing) (Stevie) Like revenge on an ex.
This is a thing if it pees on you, you have to get treated for chlamydia
without even having done anything fun to get the chlamydia, other than hold...
...a koala, which is not fun, because they're gross.
- (laughing) - (Lizzie) And then you have to get shots.
The One Direction kids got peed on by a koala. Chlamydia.
- All of 'em? - Well, two of 'em.
- (everyone on and offscreen laughing) - Um, okay. You have some compelling...
...arguments, but the pee thing is not something I would know unless I...
- ...got peed on. - Well, ugly on the inside and the...
- ...outside, I would say. - (Rhett) Oh. Double ugly.
- C'mon, Lizzy! - (Lizzie) Also, they eat their...
...mother's poop. Didn't know that, did ya?
- (Lizzie laughing) - But listen. By this argument, listen...
...you could swipe -- what do you swipe: left or right if you like somebody...
- ...on Tinder? - Right. Is it right?
Why are you -- I am not an expert! But right.
- Yes. - (crew offscreen laughing)
I think this is whether or not you would swipe right or left on this.
- (Lizzie) Oh, left. - Because I don't know that this koala...
- ...would pee on me or eat poop. - (Lizzie) It looks like it.
(Rhett) You don't know that until the first date.
(Lizzie) Look at its face! It's got an evil face.
So I feel you gotta go just on the swipe factor on this one. And it's still a...
- ...little bear. - It is a bear.
It's actual, like, Latin name means "ash gray pocket bear."
- (Lizzie) That is not attractive. - Here's what I'll say.
- I think the monkey's handsome... - (crew offscreen laughing)
...so I am gonna move him to 5. Unless you've got any objections, Link.
- I have objections. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- What? Chase? What? - That thing is way uglier than...
- A koala. - No.
A koala is, like, universally known as cute to everyone but Lizzie.
And that thing has a nose that is huge, and that is ugly.
Link, I'll defer to you, man. I'm willing to put the monkey in at 5.
- (Lizzie) Look at its eyes! - But Lizzie scared me a little bit.
- (crew offscreen laughing) - I feel like we should give her something.
- The eyes are red. That's creepy... - (Lizzie) Yeah!
- ...but not ugly. - It --
- Sorry, Lizzie. - (Lizzie gasps) No!
It's fur everywhere. If there was some skin...
- It's still a bear. - ...like, if there was skin exposed...
- ...on this thing somewhere... - (Lizzie) Have you seen wet one?
- ...I'd be like, "Ooh, that's ugly." - "Have you seen wet one."
- Wet koalas are the ugliest things ever. - (Rhett) Okay, Link. you put that up there.
Well, you didn't... that's not a wet koala.
(Lizzie) That's a dry one! They're still bad!
- What happens when they get wet? - They look like actual monsters.
All right. Let's see if Mr. Kevin can usurp what's happening here.
- Oh, I definitely can. - (Link) Oh!
(Kevin) What you're looking at right there is the Aye-aye: the only creature ever
named because the locals would shriek when they would look at it.
- Aye! Aye! - (Kevin) Just like that.
To me it kind of looks like a cracked-out rat-bat mixture.
- "Cracked-out rat-bat." - (Kevin) Look at it.
(Kevin) With old-man hair, like that wispy... You know how old men...
You can see the baldness underneath and they still are hanging on to those...
- ...few hairs. That's what he's got. - And look, it's got a human hand.
- (Link) Oh, that is a human hand. - (Kevin) Well, actually, look at the hand!
The middle finger? That's three times bigger than all the other fingers.
- Well, that that could come in handy. - It can, because he reaches into trees...
...and pierces bugs, and then stabs them out, and then eats them.
(Kevin) That's how that thing eats dinner.
So the last thing is this guy, when he gets out of his nest, he grooms himself
for 30 minutes and he still looks like that.
- (laughing) You said locals. - Poor guy!
- He's local to where? - Madagascar.
- (Rhett) Oh! He's probably in a movie. - I think that when Lizzie looks at a...
- ...koala, this is what she sees. - (crew offscreen laughing)
- Yeah, right. Uh-huh. - Lizzie, is there any discernible...
- ...difference in your mind when you... - (Lizzie) Yeah.
...look at these two photos? Or are you, like, ugly blind?
Koalas blind? That one's kinda cute to me.
- (Rhett) Oh, gosh, Lizzie. - First of all, it's tried.
It spent 30 minutes grooming itself, so I respect that.
I mean, if I spend 30 minutes trying to put on my makeup and I look bad...
- ...it's not my fault. Like, it's trying! - (Rhett) Okay.
I'm just gonna point out you guys only have one slot left, and I think you...
- (everyone on and offscreen laughing) - That's not how it works, Kev!
(Kevin) You've done a pretty good job of organizing these already.
I think you should do, like, a "meet in the forest" test. Like, if you were a
cartoon, and those were cartoons, and you were going through the forest and
you were singing and you saw them, what would your reaction be?
My argument is if you saw that mole, you wouldn't be like, "Oh, hello, fella!"
Right. I'm in complete agreement. I think another thing you have to to is
you have to equal the size. What if they were all the size of a building.
- You know what I mean? - (Alex) A giant blobfish?
- (Link) Oh, that's an interesting test. - (crew babbling in self-promotion)
So that you take the cute-factor out. They're all the size of a building?
- And that honk gets so much louder. - (crew laughing)
To me, if they're all the size of a building, you've got King Kong.
You've got a big bear. Everybody likes a big bear. You've got...
cracked-out Batman. But it really, for me, comes down to these two.
(Link) No, no, no. This thing is so ugly to me.
- Really? - (crew offscreen laughing)
To me, I'm comfortable right now putting it in number 1...
- ...except for this thing. - (Rhett) No way!
- (crew groaning) - I'm pretty comfortable with that, too.
He has... he's humanoid! He's got features that...
Well, this one. but this one looks like a dead person.
- (crew offscreen laughing) - This one looks like...
- ...just a person down on their luck. - If, if, if I was singing in the forest...
...I do like the test. I apply that test to many things in life.
- (crew offscreen laughing) - Um, and I come upon this...
...I gingerly walk over it. But if I come upon this, I say "Aye, aye!"
and then I shriek and a run. I think this is gonna attack me.
- It's not a fear test. It's an ugly test. - Well, that's true.
Except the only one that if you actually came across in a forest you'd have to
go to the doctor for is the koala! That's the only one you can't touch!
- True. - Okay, this is a great test, because...
...you know what locals do when they actually see these things? They consider
them an omen of evil and they kill them on sight.
- (Rhett and crew offscreen) Oh. - Really. Do they eat them?
- That is so sad that... - They don't eat them.
- ...he's now cute in my eyes... - (Lizzie) Yeah.
- ...and deserves to be number 5. - (Link) There is a sadness.
- I mean, rodents are rodents. - "Oh, gosh. I know I'm ugly!"
- Hey, there is a cute factor to this. - (Lizzie) Yeah!
- (Link) So ugly it's cute? - (Rhett) Yeah, but...
- That still says number one to me. - No.
- If it gets cute because it's so ugly... - No. No, no, no, no.
There's a cute factor. There's no way this is number 1. There's no universe...
- ...in which that is number 1. - Go on, Rhett.
It's gotta be these two. It's gotta come down... look at that.
This has fingers and, like a blown-out butthole for a face. And this is a...
...dead person that died of sadness. Which one's the ugliest?
- I rest my case about 2 and 3. - I'm gonna say...
And then you just make the decision about the ugliest one.
I believe that this is so ugly to me. This one, at least everywhere else is...
- ...not ugly. Well, if you look... - (crew offscreen laughing)
- (Link) I mean, that part's not ugly. - (Rhett) Yeah, it's got some fur. Okay.
So let's move the blobfish to number one and let's put the aye-aye at number 2...
- ...is what I'm suggesting. - Okay, that's a compromise.
- (Link) Let's do that. - (Rhett) This is a democracy.
- I'm gonna move him right up there. - And what we have determined...
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: the ugliest animals in the world...
...including the ugliest animal in the world...
- (both) The blobfish. - (Rhett) Congratulations, Alex.
Thanks, guys. I had a feeling the blobfish would come through for me on this one.
How do you feel about this? Do you agree with out consensus?
I'm sure you will let us know in the comments, so thank you for leaving
those, for liking, and subscribing and sharing this video.
- You know what time it is. - My name is Mary Beth, and I just went...
...to Graceland. And it's time to spin The Wheel of Mythicality.
You don't have to be a member of the Mythical Crew to be on the show.
You can be on the show my submitting a Wheel of Mythicality video! And that's a
little bit different this season. Follow the link in the description to go to
rhettandlink.com/contact. You fill out that form to submit your video.
Click through to Good Mythical More. We're gonna get some animal encounter...
- ...stories from the crew. - (Rhett) "Beatboxing donkeys!"
(various "here-haw" noises)
[Captioned by Kevin: GMM Captioning Team]