SpunOut.ie asked young people across Ireland for your questions about
sex that you might have been too embarrassed to ask anywhere else
You responded and we had Anna Keogh
sex educator and all-around sexual health guru
to give her advice on the questions that you had
Here's what it's all about
My name is Anna Keogh and I am a sexual health educator
In terms of being normal I suppose the majority of the time
that we engage in sexual activity someone will have an orgasm
Generally that's usually a male if there's a male involved
What I would say is, like,
enjoy the activity itself. If orgasm isn't happening that's okay
You've still had a good time
It's better just to communicate with your partner and be like
That felt really nice even if an orgasm is not gonna happen
The way that our pleasure organs are based around the vagina just
means that they're not really being stimulated enough
in that type of movement
in that type of penetration
Don't be afraid to get more hands on
You can use your hands, their hands
maybe a bit of lube might help as well
that might stimulate other areas
But, like I said you know, sometimes it's just not possible through intercourse
But there's plenty of other activities that we can do that can get us there
It's a really really common worry. Don't focus on like the end goal.
There's not a time limit and if you're enjoying the moment itself
and not focusing on the end goal then
how much time you're taking won't be at the forefront of your mind
you'll just be enjoying what you're doing
Reassurance for the partner like you know
I had a good time, that felt really good
Like positive reinforcement for what they are doing well
so if you're telling them
It felt good, I had a good time, and they're still kind of giving you
a bit of a hard time about it
then maybe have a think about that communication as well, but
Yeah not alone in that worry at all, I think
a lot of women feel that way
The feeling of cumming, or having an orgasm, or ejaculating
is like really intense
Having an orgasm or cumming
is different for every single person
So it's something that maybe you need to discover on your own
before with a partner or partners
and that's kind of away for you to discover like what you like
or what you don't like as well
Yeah, sometimes people can find different parts of the same-sex
or opposite-sex attractive
That could mean and that you're gay
It could mean that you're bi. It could mean that you're pansexual
It could be any of those, any of those labels
I would say a good place to look
maybe if you're not sure about your sexuality is maybe to have a look at a
few of the labels
You might look at some of the terms and say
'Oh okay yeah, that really makes sense to me.'
Using a pill and a condom at the same time is a really good way of
looking after yourself. So what we would have there is contraception in the pill
and protection in condoms
If you don't use the pill and you just use the condom
it is still contraception because it stops the sperm from getting inside and
meeting the egg
Condoms, when used correctly, are 98% so
They're actually pretty good for STIs and pregnancy.
People are really curious about anal
particularly in the queer community
because there's like a massive assumption that
gay men all have anal sex
So we get this question a lot.
That's not necessarily true
So we kind of like to de-bunk that
not every gay man is into anal play.
And also people outside of that community are also into anal play
so this is a really popular question that we get.
Preparation will be the first thing
so knowing that you are going to engage in sexual activity
Communication is massive with your partner
They need to be consistently
like continuously asking 'Is that okay? Does that feel okay?'
And, you know, the same from the person needs to say 'That's good'
You know, 'You can go ahead', whatever that is
So take it slow and then also another misconception that we come
across is that it's going to hurt. It shouldn't hurt.
It definitely should not hurt.
If you are relaxed enough and there's enough lube involved
and you're happy with the situation
and everyone involved is happy with the situation
it shouldn't hurt.
We do hear this a lot actually that
medication can lower someone's sex drive
or like this person says just take it away completely
unfortunately that is a side effects of some medications
We hear this a lot, people start to panic
you know, they might feel much happier the medication is working
but they have like a loss of interest in any sexual activity
So what I would say is go back to your doctor
that prescribed you the medication, if you can
and speak to them about this.
They might be able to change the medication to like a slightly different one
that doesn't have that side effect
They might be able to prescribe something else and you counteract it
And, again, I think in that question the word normal,
is this normal for a man my age,
Please don't focus on what's normal
Everybody is completely different
and nothing is normal
So don't worry about what everyone else is doing
Get yourself some help and whatever makes you happy
Your doctor should be able to help you with that