[Heartbreak Advice For Guys] Josiah: The other huge one that you should stay from
is having kids to try to save your relationship, because
that is 18 years of stress you probably don't want.
So you've been dating a chick for three
to five years or a while and you feel connected to her and something went wrong.
She broke up with you and you don't really know what to do.
So what would your guys' advice be to that guy?
Because I think actually in reality,
we've all been that guy at some point or another.
Jules: I had a very serious relationship and we
kept breaking up and making up and breaking up.
I would leave. She would chase me.
She would leave, I would chase her.
And I just did not know when to let go.
And it became a disaster because by the end of that relationship, actually,
she broke up with me right before Christmas.
And somehow, by the way, of the universe, I found it the next day that she was
actually sleeping with another guy and building a relationship right under
my nose for the last four months that destroyed me.
I was a mess.
I was crying all day.
I was an I was an emotional wreck.
And it it forced me
to become that phoenix and rise from the ashes.
I worked on myself so hard with meditation, with self reflection,
with journaling, with finding out what was it in me that I felt was missing.
I mean, my biggest meditation question at that period was,
"What do I believe that she gives me that I can't give myself?"
And when I started getting closer and closer to that,
to that answer, I started becoming more and more solid within myself.
I look back at those days,
as painful as they were as some of the best days of transformation in my life.
It was months, months and months.
But when I came out of that, I mean, I wouldn't be the man that I am today
and have the life that I have today without that.
So I actually don't look at her
with resentment or anger or grief or frustration.
I look at her with gratitude because I, you know, can't remember where I heard this.
But a woman's job is to bring a man closer to his soul.
Now, whether that ending was positive or negative, she still did her job.
If she cheated on you and destroyed your
life and it made you a better man, that's still bringing you closer to your soul.
First of all, take responsibility.
We see this on Facebook posts all the time.
We see this victim culture where it's
the other person's fault and the other person was a narcissist and this and that.
It takes two people to create any scenario.
So look into yourself and see what were
the behaviors, the beliefs, the actions that led up to this breakup
and how is that going to change if you get back with the same person?
Because a lot of the love we have in this day and age is really idealism.
It's infatuation.
And a lot of the times guys don't have
options and they just cling to that one woman.
They gave them sex and approval and tenderness.
Right? And what's the belief in that? The belief
in that is that "I can't get that somewhere else."
If you're in a relationship, guys,
and you don't believe you can get another woman at her level or better,
how do you think that's going to affect how you show up in the relationship
with your values, with your boundaries and everything?
Because women are going to test you till
the day that you die, which is actually a beautiful thing,
because if she's testing you, she loves you, she stops testing you.
She's probably already with somebody else waiting to end the relationship.
So really, I mean, my answer to that is move on.
You have to create abundance before you can have a truly healthy relationship.
You have to find your sense of self and identity.
David: Oh, that's pretty well said.
I think the biggest problem with breakups, we all have been there, is that you think
that because you lost love, you lose love itself, you cannot get it back.
As far as mindset is concerned, this love has to get back to you.
So like you got to take time for yourself, enjoy the things that you want to do.
Don't try to get over it by just
overcompensating and trying to get other girls just because it compensates
the need for validation or for this love that you don't have.
Take your time,
get over it and internalize what went well, what you did well,
what you did wrong, what she did wrong, what you don't want to have in your life
again and just take it as a learning experience. Usually the hardest (things).
Makes you a man.
Matt: Yeah, most guys focus on her.
"How do I get her back? What do I do?"
And they're crying and they're just focused on her.
"I need her to feel validated.
I need her to feel good about myself again."
Instead, you got to focus on you, focus on loving yourself and also working
on yourself to become the best version of yourself.
And then it's also important you'll get somebody better than her.
David: It's also important to surround yourself
with the right people, the people that are going to be able
to level up your game, even though you are at the bottom of your life.
Pretty much usually. So what happens with breakups?
You feel that you are
the right bottom of the floor, so with the right people around,
they can just help you to deal with it and to get back on track.
Bryan: And it always comes down to this one quote that Osho said, which is like,
"If you really love a flower, you wouldn't pluck it because it'll die."
And that's something that I've always
learned when it comes to the women that I really, really love.
Whereas just like, you know,
it's like that song is like "If you love her, you let her go" kind of thing.
And that's really what. It is because if you hold on tight,
then it's like a cat, like you squeeze the cat, it won't come back.
It's just like "Nah, no, no
I don't want you!" but if you just let it come to you, then the cats will like,
kind of like, you know, hang out and sit on your lap
and, you know, they'll start showing their
little belly and stuff like that and they become more vulnerable.
Right? And, you know, getting to that point,
it means that you have to face your fears every single time,
like you have to be willing to have that judgment, like aside from yourself
and like, what are you willing to do for someone that you actually love?
Because that means that, like,
if you're if you're going to deprive them from their own, you know,
pleasure or her own love, then you're actually trying to control.
Right? You're trying to control their lives.
Jules: And that's why,
so many people in this day and age, you get love mixed up with attachment.
Yeah. Josiah: The other huge one that you should stay away from
is having kids to try to save your relationship, because
that is 18 years of stress you probably don't want.
David: Getting married too. So many people try to.. Like it gets boring after some points.
Right?
And you get to get over it and find new ways to have fun together.
And, yes, spice things up and so many people to get over it.
They try to get into a different stage of the relationship they try to force it.
Jules: Seems like the next logical step that society expects.
David: Yeah, if you were watching this video
and you are in the space of "Oh, I should have taken it further,
we should have gotten married." And you still broke up.
Like the most powerful exercise that I did is to journal not what she did wrong or
what she did right, but write down everything that you were
neglecting for yourself while in this relationship.
For me, it has been things such as I
stopped caring of my back pain because I was hurting a lot.
I was not doing some things that I enjoyed.
I was not hanging out with my friends anymore, things like that.
And that becomes your new comfort zone.
And just doing these things is going to give you back this.
I would call it just self-love is the thing that you don't need to feel good
without something else, with something exterior.
Bryan: Three things that I've learned was you can't give what you don't have.
Don't ask anybody to do anything that you're not willing to do.
And if there's no honesty or
communication, then you're not supposed to be in that relationship.
Jules: Trust. Yeah, that's the biggest thing.
Bryan: Honestly, honesty.
Like you can always trust that person, to be honest.
But yes, like trust that no matter what, that's what it's going to be.
Matt: Look, man, if you have a lot of social anxiety, then make sure to download our free
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Right now, there's a link down
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