(audience clapping) Thanks for being here.
Thank you for having me, I'm so excited.
This is a... I love you Hillary.
Thanks. Settle down,
that woman's 85. (all laugh)
No, this is a, I mean there is...
We haven't had a guest like you in a while who's,
you've conquered so many areas of show business
and you just, how old are you?
You just had a birthday.
I just turned 17. Just turned 17.
I conquered show business, I took me,
I was 59 when I finally did it.
(all laugh)
Okay. That's not true.
I haven't conquered show business and I'm 68,
but you just turned 17 last week.
You gotta be busy all the time.
Do you even have time to go out on a date or something?
Is that possible?
Can you have a personal life?
I don't really have a personal life right now.
Like, I don't really go on dates,
but I could if there was someone to date but...
Oh really, it's one of those situations?
No but it's hard- That was my excuse
in high school when I couldn't find anybody,
it was "Well, I'm too busy."
(laughing) and then I'd go home and just cry for hours.
Oh sorry. It's a very sad story,
I'll tell you more later.
But you just don't have the time, right?
It's hard, like I'm always traveling,
and I'm done with, I finished high school,
so it's like, where am I supposed to meet anybody?
And I'm traveling
and plus if I try and date someone in the business,
like everybody gets all over it.
Yeah, because that's another problem
is that you've become so famous that it must be hard for you
to go someplace and just be yourself or just being,
do disguise yourself when you go any place?
I don't know, I mean, like,
if you are at a restaurant and you see someone walking in
that has like a hat and glasses, you're like,
"Who's hiding under there."
So that doesn't really work.
I've never tried like a wig or anything.
You've never tried a mustache
or dressing like Charlie Chaplin or something.
No because when I think of somebody found out
that it was me and they were like, "Hillary."
then I'd just be embarrassed
that I was wearing a mustache or something.
Right. Right.
And especially a mustache would be really stupid.
Don't take my advice on these things.
You know what's weird, when I walk around,
sometimes I'll be like, "Oh, I wanna go unnoticed."
So I'll wear a hat or something.
I'm six, four with a giant red pompadour,
(Hillary giggling) and so-
Well you know what,
I saw you the other day at the four seasons in LA.
Oh yeah, we were out there for the Emmy's.
I was there with my wife. And I was doing
the press junket.
I didn't want to bother you.
Meaning you didn't know who the hell I was.
I did. I did know. Very nice.
You're very tall.
You were like, "Hey Ted Koppel."
Now, you did not,
you didn't go to high school.
You'd been tutored because he'd been working constantly.
Are you sad that you didn't get to go to a high school prom
and have that experience like everybody else?
I don't know if I'm sad.
Like, I feel really lucky
to do everything that I'm doing right now.
But my friend and I actually,
we threw an eighties prom night at my friend's house
and nobody could come unless they were all dressed up.
So that was very fun.
Everyone came dressed up as what, in 80's style?
80's, everyone had to go to like vintage stores
and you should've seen,
we had crazy hair and like big bows and sequins.
And it was very fun.
Well be sure, it was if you're 17
and you're for fun dressing up in the 80 style,
it must be really fun and funny
for those of us who had to live through that time.
That's not funny.
I still have the acid wash,
big shoulder-padded thing in my closet that I wore,
That's horrible. when I was going
to A Flock of Seagulls concert.
(audience laughing)
I had the big hair and I was like, "Oh."
That was a bad, bad time.
So throw those clothes away.
Now you're on tour
and like a lot of people who are in the music business,
you probably have,
it's called having a rider in your contract.
And it's famous where you can have they're famous,
like I want Jack Daniels there.
All the green M&Ms picked out.
or yeah I want all the green M&Ms gone,
what do you have in your...
I don't know, I think I have like the smallest rider
out of everyone.
I've heard some really crazy things,
but we have like just food,
so everyone isn't hungry and actually I'm,
I really liked these candies, it's really bad for you.
They're called Gushers.
And they're filled with this liquid stuff
and they're really like-
Is it a gum or just candy?
No, it comes in a package and it's got little...
It's not like candy, but it's definitely not good for you.
It's like gummy type stuff.
Stop saying it's not good for you,
'cause you won't get sent free boxes of it
by mentioning it on the show.
Well I do love them I hear Gushers are amazing
everywhere I am. Gushers.
Strawberry flavor. Strawberry flavor Gusher.
They're Hilary Duff's favorite.
Maserati, the finest machine on earth.
(audience laughing)
That's not gonna work,
it never works. I don't think so either.
So that's your big request?
Other people are saying the room has to be blue,
there have to be scented candles.
You're just asking for some...
Well, you know what, Tish, she's our wardrobe lady.
And she's really great.
And sometimes the venues you play in are not the nicest.
So she'll hang up kind of like she'd look at things
that are like Bohemian or like different themes
that are pretty and she'll put candles,
but it's not like I request it,
like she does it because she's a nice lady.
That's cool.
Now you do a version of the song, "My Generation"
the favorite,
like one of my favorite bands of all time is The Who.
And they do this great song, "My Generation"
but there's this famous line in that song.
"I hope I die before I get old"
and you changed it for your version.
Are you mad at me?
No, let's hear what your version is what?
Your version is?
It's I hope I don't die before I get old.
So we changed it to be little more positive.
Right you changed the punk message a little bit from like,
Yes, that's right. (audience laughing)
And then the second line is drink milk,
get nine hours of sleep a night.
Take your vitamins. Rock on, Woo!
No, I don't know.
Every year you're allowed to change it,
just are you gonna go through a lot of punk songs now?
I don't know, you know my-
God save the queen.
Seriously, save her, she's a nice woman.
(audience laughing)
All right, keep them coming.
All right, I got a million of them.
I'm Shecky over here.
Well, you know since my show is such a punk show,
I just figure I've got more to cover.
Sure, sure.
Now, you also do, I don't know if you work this in,
but you worked gymnastics.
I know you're very good at gymnastics.
Do you work it into your stage show at all or anything?
I don't, I haven't yet.
I could here.
I can do the back spin
You can do some gymnastics?
Yeah. I wanna see something.
(audience cheering)
I don't want you to get hurt though.
If I do it, will you do it?
Yeah okay, if you could do it, I'll try and do it.
You go first. You're too tall,
your legs will touch the ceiling.
Yeah I'll be killed,
I'm the least coordinated and whitest man on TV.
Let's see you.
What are you gonna do for us?
I can do a round up back hand spin.
I don't even know what that is.
You want me to show you?
Yeah, let's see it right now.
We have a little drum roll Max, or something?
I could take your shoes off.
Take your shoes off, go for it.
(audience clapping)
I'm a little nervous,
what if I mess up in front of all these people?
All right, you can do it, don't worry.
Okay here we go, let's unmount my microphone.
What's happening?
Don't take, okay. (all laugh)
What's happening here, okay.
I'll hold your microphone.
(cheering drowns out sound)
Oh my God, that was good.
(all clapping)
Thank you.
That was really good actually.
I think you need to put that back.
I wasn't expecting,
I just thought you were going to do one of those things
that I always see kids in the playground do.
That's just kind of like,
(Conan squealing) A somersault?
(all laugh) (audience clap)
I know it was gonna be one of those,
I can give you some lessons.
One of those kind of things.
I didn't think you were going to go back.
That was actually, that was cool.
Thanks. Wow. All right.
Very nice.
I forgot what I was going to talk about.
Do you feel a little intimidated?
(indistinct) Yeah I was?
Like I'll do it and then you do it.
I'm like, okay.
And then I watched you do that.
My body would fall apart if I started to do that,
my head and legs would fly off in different directions.
People in the audience would get hit by body parts.