In this video you will learn 8 tips to make your long-distance relationship
great and they're all based on psychological science so if you're
currently in a long-distance relationship or if you're thinking about
that possibility then this is the video for you don't go anywhere because we're
starting right now
hi everyone I'm dr. Antonio burello and I'm a psychologist and a relationship
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ok on to our topic tips for an amazing long-distance relationship there are two
types of long-distance relationships first there are relationships that start
traditionally and then one partner has to relocate temporarily and the
relationship has a period of time where it becomes long-distance but the second
type is a relationship that starts off as a long-distance relationship from the
beginning now the first one is easy to understand but what about the
long-distance relationship that starts off that way
why do couples do it well simply put when you meet someone whose presence
changes your life someone you feel so connected to physically and emotionally
and spiritually you won't even consider not trying to make it work somehow
the feeling is so rare and urgent you're willing to do whatever it takes to make
it work so if you're in either of these
situations here are the tips to make that relationship amazing number 1
believe in your relationship unlike with traditional relationships couple in
long-distance relationships aren't going to deal with family and friends who
believe that trying long-distance is crazy or that it's not sustainable or
it's even heart wrenching and in some ways they're they have a point
relationships are hard enough even without dealing with all the
disadvantages of long distance such as missing the other person or lack of
physical contact and expensive traveling to see one another but when couples
believe in their relationship they report that the advantages far outweigh
the disadvantages for example a study from Cornell University published in
2013 found that couples and long distance relationships feel more
intimate with their partners than those who live in the same area they value
what little time they have together during visits and even over the phone so
greatly that they optimize those moments emotionally also long-distance lovers
were more accepting over there behavior and felt more committed to each
other in that sense being in a long-distance relationship can create
feelings of relationship security because it's obvious that you are both
willing to make it work so you have to believe in your relationship and believe
that you are so fortunate to have found such an amazing connection with your
partner and when you have greater belief in your relationship and more certainty
about the future you'll also have something more concrete to look forward
to and to take solace in when times are tough
number two focus on the quality of communication over quantity many couples
think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more communicating
so they engage in moment to moment texting all day long but when you do
that it makes it more difficult to enjoy your days because you're constantly
wishing you could be together plus your conversations will start to get a little
boring and that will make things worse instead focus on intentional quality
communications where you really invest in the conversation and this will create
stronger bonds between you both so if you have daily bedtime conversations for
instance give a little thought beforehand to the most important parts
of your day to talk about that can help you make sure that the most important
intimacy building conversations are still being had no matter how far apart
you are and of course research on long distance relationships
backs this up according to a 2013 study published in the Journal of
communication people in long-distance relationships were more likely to share
meaningful thoughts and feelings with their partners than those who are not
the study also found that people in long-distance relationships often have
stronger bonds from deeper communication than normal relationships so if you try
harder to stay connected and communicating your affection and
intimacy your efforts will certainly pay off in the form of stronger bonds number
three have a long-term plan long-distance relationships are much
more satisfying and less stressful when they are understood to be temporary in
other words having a goal of living together at some point in the future
makes it much easier to keep your eyes on the prize and easier to work together
to get through the tough times so if you're going to do a long-distance
relationship you have an end in mind because without a
plan there's no end in sight if neither of you could see yourself living
together in the future then the relationship has an expiration date from
the start so yeah both you and your partner should have an end in mind like
what do we want to achieve at the end of the day how long are we going to be
apart what about the future these are
questions that you two need to ask yourselves so talk about it make sure
you're on the same page and make a plan for it
that's what university students do I mean these relationships work because
there's an end date in mind upon graduating they know that they will be
together and if for whatever reason you can't ever be living together what's the
point of the relationship anyway if there isn't a foreseeable date when the
two of you could be living together or close together you're going to have huge
problems in the relationship with no end in sight
number four know each other schedule different time zones and work or school
schedules and sleep preferences can make communicating and staying connected much
more challenging that's why knowing each other's schedule
is important it's helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he is
free so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time you don't want
to disturb your partner when he or she is in the middle of class or halfway
through a business meeting so know the small and big events that are taking
place in each other's life such as important meetings or school exams and
job interviews this also gives you another opportunity to support and
encourage each other number five always have the next visit planned visits are
the highlight of every long-distance relationship after all the waiting and
yearning and abstinence you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the
little things like kissing and holding hands these are things that other
couples often take for granted but they can be very special and extra intimate
for people in long-distance relationships it'll be like fireworks
and don't worry about trying to over plan your time together many people
worry that they must always be doing something extra special and try to make
every moment count but also make sure that you allow yourself some downtime
and breathing room because these are the times
our best to build intimacy so visit as often as possible and make visiting
plans as soon as possible that gives you something concrete to look forward to
number six have patience and trust when you are wrapped up in your long-distance
relationship it's hard to remember that your partner has a whole other life that
you don't quite understand especially in the beginning they have a job social
life and family needs that take up their time and as much as you'd like to spend
hours on the phone with each other they've got to be on time to work and so
do you so patience is key in these situations of course you miss your
partner and eight to see them and to talk to them but that ache is exactly
what fuels a desire and passion in the relationship sometimes that may mean not
talking for a day but when you do you'll find it's worth the wait besides
patience you have to trust each other one of the biggest challenges for any
couple is trust and that can be an even bigger challenge when you're living far
apart when you're in a long-distance relationship you are not going to be
able to verify what the other person is doing that simply isn't an option so
you've got to take a leap of faith and trust your partner so set rules and
boundaries and discuss everything that might come up and have a plan to deal
with it talk about situations that could come up and discuss them and agree upon
how you should handle them in advance doing this strengthens trust and helps
both partners feel more secure number 7 embrace your independence and
focus on you being in a long-distance relationship
forces couples to have their own lives because you can't spend 24/7 facetiming
and Skype calling and yes it can be lonely but you can use that loneliness
to motivate you to get stuff done and to focus on your goals and while you're
doing that you're becoming a stronger and more confident person again focus on
the big picture and do things that will be beneficial to you and the
relationship in the long run so pick up some hobbies make and keep plans with
your friends and family fill up your social calendar appreciate and nurture
your relationship with yourself and get to know yourself on a deep level many
people have a tendency to lose themselves in relationships they start
doing everything their partner does or they change
themselves in order for their partner to like them now is your chance to truly
get to know yourself the real you and develop the self-love that will ensure
that your relationship is healthy number eight do things together when you're
apart one of the best ways to stay close in the long-distance relationship is to
have an activity that you both do together while you're apart and modern
technologies such as FaceTime in whatsapp and video chat allow people to
stay connected in ways that we're never possible before so take advantage of
these amazing technologies and do things together when you're apart for example
you could stream and watch a TV show together while you're separate or you
can play online or mobile games together or against one another this may require
some creativity but it's so worth it it creates shared experiences even though
you're apart and you're going to feel a lot more connected than if you just call
everyday whatever it is the most important thing is that you're doing it
together and you do it consistently by the way I'd love to know some of the
creative things that you've done to stay connected in your long-distance
relationship please leave a comment and let us know I'm sure there are some
great ideas out there look if your relationship has to go long-distance for
a while don't despair while it's hard to be away from each other your
relationship really can't take it in fact past research has shown that
long-distance couples are no more likely to break up than geographically close
couples and remember relationships are not made in heaven
they take work whether they are long distance or close distance it takes both
parties working together and sometimes it's 50/50 sometimes it's 60/40 and
other times it's 40 60 but it's all about balancing each other and
supporting one another when needed and speaking of support I'd love it if you
joined our conversations in the comments below it's awesome to see viewers
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