Hi guys, my name is Arianna Armour. The biggest part of my story
is that I was in the LGBT community for 16 years.
And that's the biggest thing that people know me by - transgender to transformed.
And there's a lot that goes into it, so I think the first thing I'd start out with is that
I'm adopted. I grew up in a religious household, so it was more you go to church every Sunday,
and you listen to the pastor speak. But there was no feeling, there was no presence of the Lord there.
I knew of Jesus, but I didn't have my own relationship with Him,
if that makes sense. So that's how I grew up in my relationship with God.
"I know You're there, but I don't really know who You are."
And I was four years old when I started dealing with same-sex attraction.
It happened in Sunday school.
I remember it just like yesterday. I was four years old,
I was sitting there in Sunday school and this girl walked in.
And I remember, "Wow! This is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life."
Instantly, I slumped down in my chair, like sank in my seat, and I was ashamed that I was a girl.
Keep in mind, nobody had ever talked to talk to me about attraction.
Nobody had ever talked to me about sex or sexuality or anything like that,
but in that moment I knew "She's not gonna like me, because I'm a girl."
Around when I was seven years old, I came out officially as a lesbian.
I was a stud, which means I was a girl who dressed like a man and behaved more manly, and all those things.
I came out at school, and I came out to my parents.
As I grew up, aside from the gender identity and sexuality, I started dealing with a lot of anger
and rage and violence, because I was so hurt deep down. But I was the type of person that,
if I was hurt, I just bottle it in. Because any time I had expressed how I was feeling,
whether it was about my identity or about God or just anything at all, it was shut down.
I ended up in a lot of mental hospitals,
on a lot of medications, for things that I didn't even have.
But because people were scared of me, and they didn't know what to do to help,
and they didn't know what they could do, they decided to put me in a lot of mental hospitals,
psych wards, medicines, counseling, psychiatrists. All of it.
I've been in and out of mental hospitals at least more than 10 times in my life.
So that also played into me pushing God away, because I didn't understand why on earth
a loving God would give me all these mental issues and allow me to struggle
and suffer with these feelings and desires and these thoughts that I didn't ask for.
And when I sought help it became worse. So it ended up making me resent God more.
Once I had turned 18, I started transitioning and I started taking synthetic testosterone.
I was ecstatic. I remember as soon as I took the hormones,
I remember telling everybody on social media, "I'm finally free."
I'm finally becoming the person that I was always meant to be."
I remember posting it everywhere. "Guys i'm almost there."
I was planning to have breast removal surgery.
At the time, I was in a relationship, and I had been with that person for six years.
And I believed that this was my wife. Genuinely believed it.
I had been taking testosterone for two years,
and after I started transitioning I just remember feeling,
"I'm still depressed. I'm still suicidal. I'm still struggling."
Nothing really changed about my life except for my body.
Becoming a man didn't really help me, it just changed how I looked.
So I started looking for answers.
I was like, "Okay, this isn't helping. This is not what I thought it was going to be.
I need something, because something in my soul is missing.There's still something missing in my life."
So, I ended up homeless, and I was working out at the gym at the time.
And this girl just asked me to go to church with her.
And keep in mind, she worked there. And she asked me to go to church with her.
And I remember saying, "No, God doesn't want somebody like me in the church. I don't belong there."
I didn't tell her that I was trans, and at the time you couldn't tell. I passed very well as a male.
But long story short, I ended up going that day, and I encountered God for the first time ever.
I received so much, and I felt the love of God for the first time in my life.
That was November 20th of 2019. So after I met Jesus that day, I pursued him for an entire year.
I was reading my Word. I was praying.
I was still transgender during this time. And a year later, I was living with my ex at the time.
Bought the ring. About to start my life with this person.
And I'm in the prayer closet and I'm like,
"God, why am I not seeing breakthrough in my life? I'm doing everything You asked me to do."
And all of a sudden, God speaks to me and gives me a vision.
In this vision, there was a man and woman on one side.
And then on the other side, there was a man and a man and a woman and a woman.
The man and the woman had babies. It was like glowing really bright.
And it was like generations went down the line.
And then on the other side, with the man and the man and the woman and the woman,
there was a red line under their feet and it was black, because you you can't recreate life that way.
So I'm staring at this like vapor, like this vision in front of my face.
And God speaks to me, and He says
"I made man and woman so you could recreate and share the good news of My Son, Jesus Christ."
And He says, "If the devil can convince somebody (a little boy or a little girl, a man or a woman)
that they are gay, lesbian or trans, not only is the devil going against My will
(because the devil's will is always against God's will)
but the devil is wiping out entire family bloodlines and generations of people
that I intended to be born. [They] will not exist for my glory."
So I just remember feeling, "Wow. I've been really selfish my whole life."
Everything in my life was based on my feelings. So, "I feel like I'm a lesbian.
I feel like I'm trans. I feel like God hates me."
And I was wrong. God loved me the entire time. I just had no idea about it, because,
unfortunately, His people didn't do a good job at telling me and showing me that.
So I'm just sitting there and I'm crying, and God wraps this fiery blanket around me.
And He says, "I love you, no matter what you choose. but you have to choose today."
And I chose Him. I was terrified to choose Him, because I had been one way my entire life.
That's all I've ever known.
The next day I went to church, and I got set free of the demonic spirit of Jezebel.
And I didn't know anything about demons. I didn't know there was a
spirit behind homosexuality. I didn't know there was
demons behind false identities; but there was.
And I know now that James Harley (which was the name that I went by),
James was a false identity. That was never who I was.
But the devil stole my identity from a very young age.
And that's why I believed I was born that way, because I was four and I didn't know better.
So I can honestly sit here and tell you now,
the desire to be with a woman is gone. The desire to be a man is gone.
Where I once desired to BE a man, I desire to HAVE a man.
Where I once desired to BE a husband, I DESIRE a husband.
And that's not something I ever thought would ever happen to me in my life.
But once I allowed God to change everything, and I put myself in a position to say,
"You know what? I'm going to put myself aside. I'm going to put me away
and everything I want.
I'm gonna put it over here to fulfill Your will, not mine,"
That's when my life totally changed. And now I spend most my time helping people in the LGBT.
If you WANT help, if you're seeking Jesus - I'm here for you.
I want you to know that it's the love of God that changed my life.
And that's what I speak. The love of God leads to repentance.
It is not by Bible thumping, it's not something you can do.
God did not make you that way. But if you allow Him to change your mind, to change your desires,
to change your feelings, it will happen. And that doesn't come by praying the gay away.
It doesn't come by something YOU can do. It's not in YOUR power. It's in HIS.
He wants your heart. He's not looking for perfection.
He's looking for people who are willing. Are you willing to let go of your identity?
Are you willing to let go of your sexuality?
Are you willing to put everything else aside to see what He has for you? He loves you,
just as you are. And if you will receive that love (open up your heart and receive that),
allow Him to love you and change everything, it'll happen for you.