- Hi, I'm Jordan, and I am a trans non-binary model.
And today we are going to be talking about gender euphoria.
(upbeat music)
- [Jordan] So in the common narratives that we hear
about transness, we hear a lot about gender dysphoria,
which is the disconnect between the way your body looks,
and how you feel, which a lot of trans people experience.
And also a lot of trans people don't.
So gender euphoria is like this concept
of feeling euphoric in your gender,
was the first diagnosis of transness.
It wasn't about feeling uneasy
in your assigned sex at birth, it was actually about
feeling more comfort in another gender.
So today I'm going to be showcasing five looks
that I feel gender euphoria in.
When I go to the beach,
I'm just trying to be free in my body, go swimming.
I feel the most free when I don't feel constricted
by the clothes that I'm wearing.
And I think a lot of people,
when they think of like non-binaryness,
or like androgynous beachwear,
they're thinking of like a skinny, white,
transmask person in board shorts.
I know for me, like those things feel constricting.
When I feel constricted,
I experience more gender dysphoria.
Part of feeling that euphoria is feeling free in my body,
and wearing a bikini bottom like a freaking Speedo.
There definitely is this, I think, misconception,
like wearing a bikini top, that like that
isn't inherently feminine or like girly.
I think that those ideas are really steeped in fatphobia,
because if you were someone who is a straight-bodied person,
your perception of someone in that body, wearing a bikini,
is going to be very different than a fat person like myself,
who has more of a curvy figure.
At the end of the day, I don't think
that there's anything inherently gendered about clothes.
I don't wear the bikini because of what it looks like,
I wear it because of what it feels like.
And that's how I experience my gender.
(upbeat music)
- [Jordan] So this is the activewear look ,
or activewear that is functional clothes.
What that means for me is wearing a sports bra,
which does give me dysphoria.
I like to cover up a little bit.
So I do have like a complicated relationship
with activewear because it's like tight,
and kind of constrictive,
having so much awareness of my chest.
When I'm in a bikini,
I don't feel as aware of my chest because it's not tight.
The sports bra and the quarter-zip,
kind of counteract each other.
And that helps me feel safer
when I am maybe experiencing more discomfort.
It's just like a very protective article of clothing.
And I think that a lot of trans people
have a dysphoria hoodie.
Like this article of clothing,
like gives me gender euphoria.
And like, that's totally chill.
(upbeat music)
- [Jordan] The next look we have is my favorite.
It's the lounge wear.
For this, I'm wearing this two-piece set,
and it's just this beautiful print.
It makes me feel like the alien that I am.
Yes, it like, is tight to my body.
But my body as a trans body is not gendered.
I feel like just as comfortable in this, as I do naked.
I just feel like so euphoric
in things that are like decorative.
I feel really similarly to outfits like this,
the way I feel about my tattoos.
It is a way for me to like reclaim my body
that has been through so much as a fat person,
as a trans person.
All of these things, I feel like for so much of my life,
I have been at war with my body.
Being able to like get tattoos,
and wear fun things that make me feel like me,
it's really comforting.
- [Jordan] So this outfit is the date outfit.
This is one of my favorite outfits.
It gives like a little bit of a polo vibe.
And then, you know, it has the zip,
which is like great for a date.
Show what you wanna show, very true to me,
and really gives me so much gender euphoria.
Because I feel like I'm giving,
what I consider to be, like a more masculine silhouette,
even though it's a completely pink outfit.
Maybe a lot of people would say that this
is like a feminine outfit, or like a girly outfit.
But to me, the way that my chest looks,
the way that my whole body looks,
it feels ungendered, and yet gender full.
This actually gives me
the most pure sense of gender euphoria,
and that I feel so validated in my transness,
and my gender presentation, and who I am,
and what I had to go through to get to this point.
It's just like a beautiful culmination
of all of that in one outfit.
- [Jordan] So this last outfit is our red carpet glam look.
I feel like an alien in this one too, in the best way.
This is an outfit that is 100% performing femininity.
It doesn't make me feel dysphoric
because glamor and red carpet,
it's all so obviously a performance.
And I think that there's something really powerful for me,
being able to make the decision
to put on this performance when I choose.
It's about me playing with the performance of gender,
and not at all about who I am as a person.
It doesn't matter if you're a cis person,
or you're a trans person.
Gender is real, and it's so important.
It's important to me, it's important to, I know,
most trans people.
This is art, this is not a reflection of how I feel.
It's literally just art and beauty,
and it's something to look at.
These five outfits are just examples
of my personal experience with gender euphoria.
And obviously with every single person,
trans, cis, non-binary, it's going to be different.
All I can say is that you should wear
what makes you feel good.
And if you're looking to hear more
about experiences of transness,
you can't just listen to one person.
You have to listen to people of all races,
all sizes, all abilities,
because all of these things interact
with our experience of gender.
And at the end of the day,
gender is unique to every single person.
(upbeat music)