I have yet to give a speech or have a
meeting where somebody doesn't ask me
the Millenial question what's the
Millenial question apparently
Millennials as a generation which is a
group of people who were born
approximately 1984 and after are tough
to manage and they're accused of being
entitled and narcissistic
self-interested unfocused lazy but
entitled is the big one and and because
they confound leadership so much what's
happening is leaders are asking the
Millennials what do you want and
Millennials are saying we want to work
in a place with purpose love that we
want to make an impact you know whatever
that means we want free food and bean
bags
somebody articulates some sort of
purpose there's lots of free food and
there's bean bags and yet for some
reason they're still not happy and
that's because you that they're missing
there's a there's a missing piece what
I've learned is that there I can break
it down into four pieces right there are
four four things four characteristics
one is parenting the other one is
technology
third is impatience and the fourth is
environment the generation that we call
the Millennials too many of them grew up
subject to not my words failed parenting
strategies you know where for example
they were told that they were special
all the time they were told that they
have anything they want in life just cuz
they want it they were told some of them
got into honors classes not because they
deserved it but because their parents
complained and some of them got a is not
because they earned them but because the
teachers didn't want to do with the
parents some kids got participation
medals they've got a medal for coming in
last right which the science we know is
pretty clear which is it devalues the
medal and the reward for those who
actually work hard and that actually
makes the person who comes in last to
feel embarrassed because they know they
didn't deserve it said act makes them
feel worse right so you take this group
of people and they graduate school and
they get a job and they're thrust into
an it into the real world and in an
instant they find out they're not
special
their moms can't get them a promotion
that you get nothing for coming in last
and by the way you can't just have it
because you want it right and in an
instant their entire self-image is
shattered and so you have an entire
generation that's growing up with lower
self esteem than previous generations
the other problem to compounded is we're
growing up in a facebook Instagram world
in other words we're good at putting
filters on things we're good at showing
people that life is amazing even though
I'm depressed right and so everybody
sounds tough and everybody sounds like
they got it all figure it out and the
reality is there's very little toughness
and most people don't have it figured
out and so when the more senior people
say well what we do they sound like this
is what you got it in and they have no
clue
so you have an entire generation growing
up with lower self-esteem than previous
generations right through no fault of
their own through no fault of their own
right they were dealt a bad hand right
now let's add in technology we know that
engagement with social media and our
cell phones releases a chemical called
dopamine that's why when you get a text
feels good all right so you know we've
all had it when you're feeling a little
bit down a feeling a bit lonely
it's why we count the likes it's why we
go back ten times to see if and if it's
going if our means and my Instagram is
growing slower I would do something
wrong do they not like me anymore right
the trauma for young kids to be
unfriended right because we know when
you get it you get a hit of dopamine
which feels good it's why we like it
it's why we keep going back to it
dopamine is the exact same chemical that
makes us feel good when we smoke when we
drink and when we gamble in other words
it's highly highly addictive right we
have age restrictions on smoking
gambling and alcohol and we have no age
restrictions on social media and cell
phones which is the equivalent of
opening up the liquor cabinet and saying
to our teenagers hey by the way this
adolescence thing if it gets you down
and you have an entire generation that
has access to an addictive numbing to
chemical called dopamine through social
media and cell phones as they're going
through the high stress of adolescence
why is this important
almost every alcoholic discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers when
we're very very young the only approval
we need is the approval of our parents
and as we go through adolescence we make
this transition where we now need the
approval of our peers very frustrating
for our parents very important for us
that allows us to acculturate outside of
our immediate families into the broader
tribe right it's a highly highly
stressful and anxious period of our
lives and we're supposed to learn to
rely on our friends some people quite by
accident discover alcohol and numbing
effects of dopamine to help them cope
with the stresses and anxieties of
adolescence unfortunately that becomes
hardwired in their brains and for the
rest of their lives when they suffer
significant stress they will not turn
into a person they would turn
to the bottle social stress financial
stress career stress that's pretty much
the primary reasons why an alcoholic
drinks right what's happening is because
we're allowing unfettered access to
these dopamine producing devices and
media basically it's becoming hardwired
and what we're seeing is as they grow
older they to many kids don't know how
to form deep meaningful relationships
their words not mine they will admit
that many of their friendships are
superficial they will admit that their
friends that they don't count on their
friends they don't rely on their friends
they have fun with their friends but
they also know that their friends will
cancel out them that something better
comes along deep meaningful
relationships are not there because they
never practice the skill set and worse
they don't have the coping mechanisms to
deal with stress so when significant
stress starts to show up in their lives
they're not turning to a person they're
turning to a device they're turning to
social media they're turning to these
things which offer temporary relief we
know the science is clear we know that
people who spend more time on Facebook
so for higher rates of depression than
people who spend less time on Facebook
write these things balanced alcohol is
not bad too much alcohol is bad gambling
is fun too much gambling is dangerous
right there's nothing wrong with social
media and cell phones it's the imbalance
right if you're sitting at dinner with
your friends and you're texting somebody
who's not there that's a problem that's
an addiction if you're sitting in a
meeting with people you're supposed to
be listening to and speaking and you put
your phone on the table face up or face
down I don't care
that sends a subconscious message to the
room that you're not just you're just
not that important to me right now
right that's what happens and the fact
that you cannot put it away it's because
you are addicted right if you wake up
and you check your phone before you say
good morning to your girlfriend
boyfriend or spouse you have an
addiction and like all addiction in time
it'll destroy relationships it'll cost
time and it'll cost money and it'll make
your life worse right so you have a
generation growing up and lower
self-esteem that doesn't have the coping
mechanisms to do with stress and stress
right now you add in the sense of
impatience right they've grown up in a
world of instant gratification
you want to buy something you go on
Amazon it arrives the next day you want
to watch a movie log on and watch your
movie you don't check movie times you
want to watch your TV show binge you
don't even have to wait week to week to
week right I know people who skip
seasons just so they can binge at the
end of the season right Instagram if
occasion you want to go on a date you
don't even have to learn how to be like
you don't even have to learn and
practice that skill you don't have to be
the uncomfortable into it sis is yes
when you mean nun says no when you mean
no but yes when you you have to swipe
right Bing I'm a stud right you don't
have to learn the social coping
mechanisms right everything you want you
can have instantaneously everything you
want instant gratification except job
satisfaction and strength of
relationships
there ain't no app for that they are
slow meandering uncomfortable messy
processes and so I keep meeting these
wonderful fantastic idealistic
hard-working smart kids they've just
graduated school they're in their
entry-level job I sit down with them
when I go how's it going they go I think
I'm gonna quit
they're like I'm not making an impact
like you've been here eight months it's
as if they're standing at the foot of a
mountain and they have this abstract
concept called impact that they want to
have in the world which is the summit
what they don't see is the mountain
I don't care if you go up the mountain
quickly or slowly but there's still a
mountain and so what this young
generation needs to learn is patience
that some things that really really
matter like love or job fulfillment joy
love of life self-confidence a skill set
any of these things all of these things
take time sometimes you can expedite
pieces of it but the overall journey is
arduous and long and difficult and if
you don't ask for help and learn that
skill set you will fall off the mountain
or you will the worst case scenario the
worst case scenario and we're already
seeing it the worst case scenario is
we're seeing increase in suicide rates
we're seeing an increase in this
generation we're seeing increase in
accidental deaths due to drug overdoses
we're seeing more and more kids drop out
of school or take leaves of absence due
to depression unheard of these are this
is this is really bad
the best case scenario the best those
are all bad cases right the best case
scenario is you'll have an entire
population growing up and going through
life and just never really finding joy
it'll never really find deep deep
fulfillment in work or in life they'll
just just walk through life and it'll GE
just it's fine how's your job it's fine
you know same as yesterday how's your
relationship it's fine like that's
that's the best-case scenario which
leads me to the the fourth point which
is environment which is we're taking
this amazing group of young fantastic
kids were just dealt a bad hand it's no
fault of their own and we put them in
corporate environments that care more
about the numbers and they do about the
kids they care more about the short-term
gains than the long-term life of this
young human being we care more about the
year than the lifetime
right and so we are putting them in
corporate environments that aren't
helping them build their confidence that
aren't helping them learn the skills of
cooperation that aren't helping them
overcome the challenges of a digital
world and finding more balance that
isn't helping them overcome the need to
have instant gratification and teach
them the joy as an impact and the
fulfilment you get from working hard
over on something for a long time that
cannot be done in a month or even in a
year and so we're thrusting to them them
in corporate environments and the worst
part about it is they think it's them
they blame themselves they can't they
think it's van Gogh can't deal and so it
makes it all worse it's not I'm here to
tell them it's not them it's the
corporations it's the corporate
environments it's the total lack of good
leadership in our world today that is
making them feel the way they do they
would dealt a bad hand in it and I hate
to say it but it's the company's
responsibility
sucks to be you like we have no choice
right this is what we got and I wish
that Society and their parents did a
better job they didn't so we're gonna
we're getting them in our companies and
we now have to pick up the slack we have
to work extra hard to figure out the
ways that we build their confidence we
have to work extra hard to find ways to
teach them social the social skills that
they're missing out on
there should be no cell phones and
conference rooms none zero and I don't
mean the kind of like sitting outside
waiting to text I mean like when you're
sitting and waiting for a meeting to
start nobody go this is what we all do
we all sit here and wait for the meeting
to start meaning starting okay and we
start the meeting no that's not how
relationships are formed remember we
talked about it's the little things
relationships are formed this way we're
waiting for a meeting to start we go
how's your dad I heard he was in
hospital oh he's really good thanks for
asking
he's actually at home now oh I'm really
glad that was really amazing I know it
was really scary Cora that's how you
form relationships hey did you ever get
that report on oh my god no I didn't
I'll help you out I totally uh can I
help you out with that
really that's how trust forms trust
doesn't form at an event in a day even
bad times don't form trust immediately
it's the slow steady consistency and we
have to create mechanisms where we allow
for those little in knock
he was interactions to happen