The term gaslight gets tossed around a lot.
How do you know you're being gaslighted?
And how can you be sure that it's not you who is resistant to being corrected or
having someone else point out your blind spot? In this video, I'm going to be
sharing with you the difference, and we're going to get into it right now.
What does it mean to be gaslighted? The term comes from this movie called
Gaslight with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman.
And it's a story about a young woman and a man who get married and they
move back into the house where the woman's aunt was murdered in the home.
So throughout the movie, the husband,
who is actually a murderer, was trying to drive his wife insane
by doing all these very subtle, insidious, manipulative tactics to get her to doubt
her judgment and her perceptions, and make her think she was going crazy.
And this was all a systematic ploy to control her and eventually kill her.
But she doesn't die at the end.
Sorry to spoil it if you wanted to watch the movie.
So in light of that, what is gaslighting?
Before we start, for those of you who are new to my channel,
I'm Shaneen Megji.
I'm a transition coach.
Welcome to my YouTube series on toxicity is not your destiny.
My mission is to help people navigate toxic relationships and environments
in their lives from a biblical, practical and spiritual perspective.
So if you like this video,
please take a moment, click the subscribe button.
Click the bell, because every single week I'm going to be bringing you a new video
to empower you in navigating toxic relationships and environments.
So now let's dive into the subject.
Gaslighting is a subtle, insidious form of manipulation when
someone else is imposing their version of reality on yours,
basically overriding or invalidating what you're perceiving or seeing.
So you might accept someone else's judgment of things over yours,
because after all, they might be smarter, more gifted, more intelligent,
more experienced, older, or someone in a position of authority.
However, all that said,
when regularly interacting with someone causes you to lose faith in your
perceptions, judgments, feelings, senses, intuitions, your ability to hear God, where
you're feeling small, inferior, patronized, condescended to or condemned
in the process of receiving someone's feedback,
that is a red flag that you are being gaslighted.
What are some examples of gaslighting?
You might be talking with someone about something that you experienced and they
might respond by saying, "That's not what happened."
"That never happened."
"I never said that."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"You're being too sensitive."
"You're full of anger and negativity."
"You've got issues."
"You're out to lunch."
"You need to get your head checked."
"You're just being paranoid."
Have you heard people say things to you like that?
And how about spiritual gaslighting?
If you're part of a church or a spiritual
community, maybe you've been spiritually gaslighted.
Maybe you've heard people say things
to you like, "Oh, those are just your unhealed wounds speaking."
"You're acting that way or behaving that way because you need healing."
"Oh, that is your lack of faith."
"That is your flesh talking."
"You're full of insecurity and fear."
"Oh, you're acting that way or talking
that way because you have father issues" or, "You're acting that way
you're talking that way because you have
mother issues" or "You're spiritually immature."
You know you're being gaslighted when the person that's insisting on their
version of reality believes more strongly in their sight than yours,
or they have this inherent belief that they see better than you do,
including seeing into you better than you can see into your own self.
So they don't put value on your seeing capacity at all.
They don't believe that your perceptions,
judgments or inputs bear any weight at all compared to theirs.
And that's their mentality.
That's how people gaslight all the time.
It's their way of controlling you and keeping you dependent on them.
And if they have a win-lose mentality, their gaslighting is a way for them
to win in the interaction and of course, for you to lose.
So what are some fruits of being gaslighted? If you're feeling depressed,
hopeless, insecure, unstable, defective, broken, unhinged, not trusting your own
God-given faculties because of these regular interactions with this person,
that is a sign that he or she may be
gaslighting you. If you notice that you are more confident,
relaxed, social, lively, happy, energetic and fearless before you met that person,
and now you are more trepidatious,
cautious, anxious, uptight, insecure, fearful, negative, unhappy.
untrusting, isolated, after being with that person, that could also be a red flag.
So as I started off this video,
I shared that you might accept someone else's judgment of things over yours
because they could be smarter, more gifted, more intelligent,
more experienced, older, in a position of authority.
And at times there is value to deferring to someone else because maybe they are
further along the path in a specific area than you are.
And taking their input can accelerate learning and growth.
So, you know, you have verses and scripture
Proverbs 9:8 says reproval wise men and he will love you.
Throughout the Book of Proverbs, you just read about how wisdom
and knowledge are valuable jewels to acquire.
Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another."
And you can also read throughout the Gospels about Jesus warning people
about not being asleep, being awake, being alert, not being blind,
but seeing not being deaf, but hearing and understanding.
And so we're not silos unto ourselves.
Sometimes we need others to awaken us or help us to see or hear better.
So this is where things can get complicated.
We want to be resistant and resilient
to gaslighting, but open to being awakened or seeing better or hearing better.
We're not lone rangers or silos in the body of Christ.
So how do you know the difference between
someone gaslighting you and someone pointing out your blind spot?
So here is the difference.
I'm going to tell you. When someone points out your blind spot,
there's usually an "aha" moment that goes with it.
It's like you get this clarity, like this light bulb goes off.
It's like the light switch gets turned on and you can see the issue for what it is.
There is a resonance.
You've been enlightened.
But when you're being gaslighted, you never come away feeling enlightened or
feeling clarity or feeling like you get it.
You come away with this confusion and feeling like you're still blind.
And then on top of feeling that way,
you're loaded with this shame for not seeing it.
You feel like something is inherently deficient in you because on a constant
basis, someone outside of you has to spell out what is really going on and you just
have to go with it, with what they say, because there's this unspoken belief
that there's something faulty with your perception. And that is gaslighting.
That is the unspoken belief that they have
gotten you to buy into, that they are the ones seeing and you are the one who is
deficient and always in need of help from them.
It really causes you to lose confidence in yourself.
It erodes your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
But I just want to tell you today, that is not God's way.
When God is dealing with your blind spots and He uses another person to help you
to see or wake up, His goal is always to get you to clarity.
The goal is to get you to see and inspire you to repent and to change,
minus the negative feelings of shame and condemnation.
There's a scripture in Romans that says
that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
So God's correction comes without condemnation.
When you are being corrected in a healthy
way, your faculties do not get put down in the process.
You actually feel empowered that you have that clarity in your seeing because you
know that you can go to higher levels in yourself and this is just the next step.
So with God's correction comes joyful
enlightenment, because now there's power to change.
There's always grace that comes with God's
enlightenment, and it never devalues your capacity to see,
because through the process of seeing your blind spots, your faculties and your
senses are only getting stronger and more honed in. It's the process of going
from glory to glory and strength to strength in Christ.
And that's the difference between God's correction in your life.
And I gaslighter's control over you. When you're being gaslighted,
you don't come out seeing better or having greater clarity.
You come away believing you're blind like you don't see.
And with that lie comes the temptation to shrink back,
to throw away your confidence, to lose hope, to not trust your ability
to hear God or operate any longer in the gifts God has put inside of you.
With gaslighting comes oppression and control.
It is a form of manipulation to keep you
confined to a small space that will make you dependent on someone else to see
for you, because you're made to believe that there is something faulty with you.
Gaslighting is the enemy's work of stealing, killing, and destroying.
It seeks to deplete you subtly and slowly,
so remember, God's correction may have pain and uncomfortability attached to it,
but the fruit is always healing, freedom, life, and soaring higher.
So I hope this video helps you to discern
when you're being corrected versus being gaslighted.
In my next video, I'm going to be giving you 5 ways to be immune to gaslighting.
So keep your eyes open for my next video.
In the meantime, I hope this video was helpful.
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Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for watching.
Until the next time.