you're trying to do well in a class and
you get a bad grade okay so you're in
this little frame you want to get a good
grade that isn't happening you got a bad
grade okay what is it that's manifesting
itself as the bad grade well you could
say well it's a c-minus on a piece of
paper it's like well that's you know
really know that that's the objective
manifestation you got a piece of paper
with a c-minus the value-free
proposition is that you've been
delivered a piece of paper with a curve
on it a little you know negative sign
well you think well that's what that is
well you know it's as dopey as thinking
well here you got your failing grade you
go into the lab and you like weigh it on
a scale then you burn it and see what it
was made of it's like well why did I get
so upset about that it's just paper it's
like no that's not just paper it's an
entity that exists in a web of
connections the fact that it's signified
by paper is almost completely irrelevant
what is it the answer is you don't know
and that's why when you pick it up you
get this paralyzed sinking feeling
because your limbic system is a lot
smarter than your perceptual systems and
your perceptual systems say well that's
a piece of paper and your limbic system
says nah for sure
dragon right right and so then you're
sweating and then maybe you put it away
and you go play video games because you
know better the hypothetical dragon than
the real dragon and so instead you pull
out the piece of paper maybe and you
think okay why did I get this c-minus
well that's a hell of a question isn't
it it's like maybe you're stupid well
that could be or at least stupid
compared to who you think you are like
that's that's the real horror that's
lurking there right it's like well I
thought it was kind of smart that's a
that's a proposition of the highest
order
I thought I was kind of smart it's like
yeah well what about this c-minus it's
like well that goddamn professor right
that's the first thing it's it's I've
been attacked by a predator that's the
first response right so it's it's a
nonsensical message it's just delivered
by someone evil and predatory well
that's you know possible but I wouldn't
go there I wouldn't go there first
necessarily so but then well then say
you don't go there okay well so what is
this exactly do you not know what you
thought you know are you not who you
think you are do you not work hard
enough or your values not organized
properly do you misuse your time are you
in the wrong field is the way you're
construing your life completely
inappropriate are you acting out what
your parents wanted you to do it and
you're pissed off about it so you're
only running at 40% despite them despite
the fact that they're paying $25,000 a
year for your education because that's a
fun game yeah I'll go do what you want
me to do but I'll fail that but not
completely because then that would
wouldn't cost you very much I'll just
fail a little bit so that you have to
spend all that money forcing me to do
what I don't want to do but you'll never
get to escape from it and then every
time we interact I'll stab you in
various ways that you don't quite
understand just to show you how
irritated I am that I happen to be
acting out the destiny that you've put
forward for me so maybe that's part of
the dragon right and then that pulls in
the whole parent thing and you know it's
these are bottomless pits often when you
when you're in the world and something
objects to you something that matters
objects to you then in the entire
unrealized world is in that thing that
objects it's all tangled up inside
that's why it's the great dragon of
chaos it's everything that's outside of
your conceptual structure and what is
that it's everything that lurks outside
of your of your walled city and it's
manifested itself like the snake in the
garden and the easiest thing to do is
say I'm not having anything to do with
that but the problem with that is well
you get your c-minus and you don't do
anything about it maybe you're a little
bitter and more resentful in your study
habits get a little worse so the next
time you get like a d-plus and then you
collect a bunch of F's and then you stop
going to school then you stop showering
right then you end up jumping off the
bridge and so that's a that's that's how
the dragon eats you when you don't pay
attention to it and so it's no bloody
wonder that people avoid you know it's
really no wonder that they avoid because
error messages contain within them the
implicit world now the upside of that is
while they contain within them the
implicit world
and the world isn't all negative and so
maybe you get your c- and that's
actually the best gift you ever got
because somebody finally took you and
went whack you no clue in and so you
take that apart and you think oh I don't
know how to write I don't know how to
think I've never read anything in my
life my study habits are abysmal you
know like maybe I'm working at 2%
efficiency which which is probably I
would suspect that you know some of you
aren't doing that but I bet you that I
bet there's thirty thirty to fifty
percent of the people in the room are
working at two percent efficiency it's
like you got it that's so to find that
out is so optimistic I mean if you're
barely hanging in there but you're only
working out 2% you might imagine what
you could have as a life if you work it
out like 50 percent so so that the
c-minus can be the best gift you ever
had and that's the gold that the Dragon
hoards right that's exactly what that
means
and so well so you're moving from point
A to point B in your little
circumscribed world you've made
everything invisible and as long as that
works then your Theory's good enough
it's accurate enough it's true enough
you're in your little paradise but if
something comes up and objects well
that's where your character is tested
fundamentally that's the character test
it's like what do you do with messages
of error and that's a tricky issue okay
so here's a solution to that here's what
not to do I am a bad person I got to see
my I'm a bad person I might as well just
go jump off the bridge it's like no
that's not good because what that means
is that every time every time you try to
learn something you're going to make a
mistake because what do you know so
you're gonna make mistakes and if the
rule is every time you make a mistake
you're gonna go jump off the bridge then
that's not a useful problem solving
strategy and so when you make a mistake
you don't get to beat yourself to death
with a club it's a bad strategy and
you'll have your internal tyrant in
there who's perfectly happy about doing
that that's the you know overactive
super-ego that Freud talked about maybe
it came to you via a parent who was too
authoritarian or a grandparent or or
maybe it's just you because you're
disagreeable and neurotic and so you'll
take your at hyper conscientious you'll
take yourself apart well starting the
and so
you've got a problem something has
objected to you then the question is
well what does that mean well maybe
you're not looking at the world right
maybe your goals are wrong maybe you're
not acting properly it's okay so the
question that arises when an obstacle
emerges is which part of this structure
needs attention and the first answer
can't be all of it which is why when
you're arguing with someone in an
intimate relationship and you're angry
at them and you want to win which is a
big mistake
you want to win you say well your this
is what you're like here's another ten
examples of how you've done that in the
past and I can enumerate more of them if
you'd like and so it doesn't that's
actually what you like and I tried
fixing you and didn't work and so it
looks like you're gonna be like that up
into the future and you're basically
saying to them well you're a bad person
and the only thing they can do is either
collapse or punch you and punching you
is actually better than collapsing look
you don't you know what I mean it's such
a counterproductive way of arguing they
you don't leave the person any out and
so maybe while they're civilized so it
doesn't get physical well maybe that's
good and maybe it isn't but then they
end up either really not happy with you
in a way that they will manifest the
first possible opportunity they get or
they have to go off in the corner and
cringe it's like great you won it's like
now your partners either hates you or is
cringing it's great that's a real good
victory man cry rack up about a hundred
victories like that and you'll be in
divorce court and spending two hundred
and fifty thousand dollars while being
miserable about it yeah so anyway so
something objects to you and you think
okay well I need to I need to take
myself apart right because there's a
piece that's broken somewhere and then
you might think well let's let's assume
it's a little piece to begin with that's
the right mechanism it's like okay you
got a c-minus that doesn't prove that
you're stupid and now it implies that
you might be stupid but it doesn't right
really it does and that's why you don't
want to look at it maybe it implies that
you're lazier implies that you're
ignorant or like it implies all sorts of
terrible might imply that you're a bad
person even but you don't want to leap
to that and that's sort of the
proclamation of innocence before guilt
assume that you're the least amount of
an ignorant possible and so then you
look at the micro routines it's okay
well I got a c-minus in this course
maybe I should study for that course
fifteen minutes more a day for the next
three months and then you ask yourself
do you think you could do that no I'm
too useless okay
how about 15 minutes every second day
you think you could do that you put it
in your schedule like 15 minutes every
second day in the morning and that's
while you think well what's wrong with
me well I'm not very good at managing my
study schedule that's not quite down
here at the behavioral level but it's
pretty close because what you you can
take an action you can open up your
schedule and you can say well mark 50
minutes away
aside then you can practice doing that
it's pretty low level in the hierarchy
means while you're still not a horrible
person you just gotta polish up your
work ethic