(guitar music)
- Good evening!
Welcome to Set List: Stand-Up Without A Net,
live at NerdMelt, yes!
- The brilliant Set Lister, great comedian,
Carlos Alazraqui, I think he put it perfectly
when he said, "Asking a comedian
"to improvise an entire stand-up set
"in front of an audience is like
"asking a magician to do actual fuckin' magic."
- I should be more nervous. (laughs)
But I don't care, that much.
(people laughing)
- This first time Set lister tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
- A bunch of people are gonna waste their time
listening to you, you better have something.
Let's go, (fingers snapping) wake up, get scared.
- Diving into the comedy abyss, here at Set List.
- I need to be more scared.
Hopefully, on the walk up there,
I'll shit my pants a little.
That'll motivate ya.
- Will you please welcome the never-before-seen Set List,
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Odenkirk.
(audience cheers) (audience claps)
- My daughter's in the audience,
so I'm worried about saying the swears.
(audience claps) (audience cheers)
- Paul Provenza, all right.
Hi everyone.
How's it going, LA?
(audience laughs)
Wow.
Did you ever line up a bunch of sheep,
(audience laughs)
and then put a wall up behind them
with holes right where your penis goes?
(audience laughs)
Did you ever do that? (audience laughs)
Well, you know what happened to me?
(audience laughs) Then you know.
If you've done that, you know.
By the way, what has happened to porn?
Just in the last two days.
Am I the only one who noticed
that (clears throat) starting on Thursday,
at like 2:00, it just went crazy?
(audience laughs)
The handicaps are getting away with too much.
(audience laughs)
They're getting away with murder.
Yeah, this South African guy,
"I, I, I, I ...
"How could I do it, I got no legs?
"I can't hurt anyone.
"I can't hurt a fly.
"Anyone could run away from me."
No one's buyin' it.
This is why we need Jesus now,
to heal all those people with infirmities,
when they lose all those parking spaces.
We'd get so many parking spaces back,
if Jesus would just return,
and do his (whistles), weave his magic spell.
Oh, it's so fun to laugh about Jesus now today,
but you know when I'm dying, I'll be like,
"Oh no, Jesus, Mary Magdalene.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for all the comedy I did.
(audience laughs)
"Oh, Jesus, forgive me."
(audience claps) (audience cheers)
Sorry for the swears. (audience claps)
- Good job.
- You know what was good about it?
I don't do stand-up that much, but when I do,
I tend to do that old stuff.
And you get scared of doing new stuff,
and it's just nice to have no choice.
- Bob Odenkirk!
(audience cheers)
(electronic musical flourish)
(cards riffling)