P: Hey guys! D: Hello there.
P: So I've totally remodeled my bedroom
so it'd look like a tour bus! D: Wow- oh my gosh
D: look at Phil DIY! Go you.
P: We are still on this tour right now in
P: *AMERICA* D: Yes!
D: We're not just on this bus for fun
P: No. So if you wanna come see us (on a stage, not on the bus)
P: You can come to all of these places!
D: Just go to danandphiltour.com. P: Yeah
D: The final tickets are out, ain't gonna be no more shows added.
D: If you wanna come see us in real life, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
P: It's your last chance!
P: But, special news is, that anyone who buys a ticket, or anyone who has bought a ticket
P: is gonna be entered into a draw to win a meet and greet with us two! If you want that
D: So, there you go, if you wanna come see us in real life
D: tickets start at $15, danandphiltour.com, see you in real life, or not. Bye.
P: Yes. D: Oh wait, we've got a whole video
P: This is a video. D: Okay. Right.
D: So, what the hell are we doing today, Phil?
P: So, I was looking for something that I texted to Dan, like a year ago.
D: 'Cause that's how we send each other files. Yeah, we text them to each other. P: Yeah, we do
D: We also text each other when we're sitting on the same couch. Like right now P: We do
D: We talk, we'd be like "uhnhhgh canyoupassmydrink" P: MEHHHH
P: So, I scrolled all the way back to when Dan first ever got his new phone, D: Mother of god
P: And I realized we text each other the weirdest stuff D: We have some strange conversations
D: But we probably know what you're thinking... P: So, I thought I could share some with you guys, and you can read some of our text messages.
D: So I hope you're ready, because this is *literally* what Dan and Phil text each other.
P: So in these conversations. I'm the blue, and Dan is the grey.
D: Oh my god that's so appropriate P: I know!
D: In the beginning, so I got this new phone and I was well excited. P: *announcer voice* In the beginning.
D: Cuz remember when they announced the iPhone- *X*? P: the iPhone- *X*
D: They were like, there's this new thing that's gonna change the world! Animoji. P: Yeah
P: So Dan sent me his first- Both: -and only D: (one, ever) P: Animoji.
D (dog face): Hello, Phil! This is Dan, as a dog, with his new phone. Woof woof! D (actual Dan, laughing): yup. P: wow
P: That's all you did! D: There ya go. Masterpiece. Wow.
P: Directly under that I just say "Coop!" And you say D: "Doop."
P (laughing): wh- what does that mean
D: And that 's the end of the conversation. Who knows P: I think that was just you testing if your phone works.
D: Was that, or was that secret code for something very important at the time. P: No one will ever know.
D: even we won't ever know
P: Oh my God, this one! D: Oh God!
D: Are you sure you wanna share this? P: Wow. I can share this. D: This is like Phil's lowest moment. Okay, if you say so.
P: *reads blue texts* D: *reads grey texts*
P: I still have those glasses. I washed them! I washed them. (: D: I'd be like- no thanks.
D: Oh god P: This is us deciding what we should call a gaming video.
D: It was a Crash Bandicoot video where we were riding on a warthog and a polar bear, ok?
D: And we were deciding what to call the video where we ride on animals.
P: I went on to YouTube and Dan had called it "Dan and Phil's Bareback Adventure" *womp sound effect*
D (all innocent acting): That is what you call riding when there's no saddle!
P: Which...it is! D (still innocent): It was Crash Bandicoot riding bareback on a polar bear cub.
P: But, we thought we'd want monitization.
P: So these were the options. We could have gone with "Dan and Phil's Furry Fiesta". That wound have been better! D: Ooh! I'm not sure about that one either..
D: We went with "Furry Throwdown" and, let's be honest, that's not that much better than bareback adventure.
D: I'm so sorry that we just read that out loud to be honest.
P: Disclaimer: Most of these texts are about food. D: Yeah. I dunno like if you had expectations here.
P: No - Both: It's mostly food. D: okay.
D: Oh my god. I remember this vividly. P: What
P: Is this bringing back feelings of sickness? D: I mean, I was trying to be funny but like honestly this was a very traumatizing evening for me
*reading the texts aloud*
D: (meant "my god") P: *MORE* of god
*continues reading texts aloud*
D: Ok, so I ordered some pasta cause when Phil is not home, I like to go all in on the cheese because he's lactose intolerant. P: Yeah. Yep.
D: I ate a lot of cheese. P: A lot of cheese.
P: We have a noise for that, it's like when there's a beached whale and they just go *beached whale sound*
D: And then sometimes like when we've just had like a massive takeaway, we just lie on different couches and just go *beached whale sounds*
D: Pregnant. P: Pregnant whales.
*reading texts*
P: Try and decode what I meant by that. D: Explain that. *dramatic sound*
P: I was watching "Shape of the Water". Or shape.."Shape of Water". D: Well obviously, you freaking perverts.
*reading texts*
P: LOL. I still love it when you do typos.
D: I just dot dot, like, I'm not even gonna, like, whatever. Whatever!
D: The other thing we text each other about a lot is the TV shows that we're watching. We were watching The Crown, and I was an episode ahead of Phil.
P: Yes.
D: So then an incredibly important news update. Palace scene corgi alert!
P: If there's ever a way to get us to watch a show, there ya go.
P: Uh..what is this?? Uhhh D: Ok, ok. Phil, uh ya'll got some explaining to do right here
P: I don't even know! I just said "Time to delete my Instagram."
D: Sponsored message! Choose one of these anime boys wearing towels.
P: I don't know what I was looking at.
*reading texts*
D: Ok, I am intrigued by this. P: LOL, what is this.
P: I've got it on my laptop. D: What the hell are we talking about
D: Ahowlnation, okay. Here we go. P: Oh, I love it already.
D: This is the content I subscribe to.
P: This is very mesmerizing
*video of dogs barking to Sail by AWOLNATION plays, D & P laughing*
P: I love it! That is you, that is totally you D: Oh, rest in peace Gabe. Oh my god THAT is the most me- that is me on a daily basis just like
P: Check out "rapid liquid" if you want to see more of those.
D: So this is peak Dan and Phil right here P: this like encapsulates us D: no apologies
P: I'm at home, Dan's on the way home D: So, Phil is at home, I'm away , I'm on my way back to Phil, and this is what happens.
D: "radical conceptussy". No reply.
*reading texts aloud*
D: NOo. (Reset).
*reading texts aloud*
D: DOMINOOOOS *air horn sound* P: yeeeeet
Both: Yeeeeeeet
P: I was very excited by that. And you just sent a rat. That's you D: exactly. That is Dan and Phil texting each other.
P: EUgh. ..These aren't in any particular order by the way D: I frickin scarred myself. Alright okay right so
D: We have a show, it has a... P: You're gonna get your leg out? D: - I'm gonna get my leg out.
P: Demonetized. Right D: For the lads.
D: We have a show, it has a set, it's really cool you should come see it danandphiltour.com P: It does. Look at the corners of the set
D: Anyway, I ran into a bench once and I, carved, a chunk out of my leg, and it's left a scar, look at that! P: Ooh, It's like a physical dent.
P: It like goes into your leg. You can never be a leg model now *sad music plays*
*reading texts aloud*
P: I went into a hotel room and it was ACTUALLY flooded, like the bathroom was this much, it was THIS much water! D: I didn't believe him.
D: I think he was lying to get an upgrade P: I wasn't! D: It's kay sure fine
*reading texts aloud*
P: Then I sent this picture, which I put on Twitter D: Ohhh my god.
P: This was the smallest hotel room window D: This was the weirdest thing I've ever seen
P (in video): Are you ready for the tiniest hotel room window in the world...look at this!
D (reading his texts): WOT. The F***.
*reading texts aloud*
P: I still don't know what that was for. It was like *this big*.
D: At what point when they were like interior designing P: like BUILDING the hotel
D: or "architecting the building" did they think, "oh yeah..tiny square window." P: It's a window for mice!
D: With its own shutter! **mind blown**
*reading texts aloud*
D: It's true, either I'm like nose deaf 'cause I don't smell anything or Phil is like..hyper-nose-driac where he has phantom smells P: nose deaf? I think I'm a hyper nose.
D: Although, the other day in this very tour bus, you thought you detected some fumes, do you wanna tell that story? P: Yeah
D: First day in the tour bus. P: I thought I could detect the smell of petrol. First day in the tour bus I was kind of like, getting used to my bunk, I was lying there with a pillow
D: This is prolly a text, Phil was like, "do you smell...burning...or like..gas?" P: Oh yeah, it was, I said "do you smell petrol fumes"
D: And I was like, "no, I don't smell gas, like is the engine leaking, is this bus about to explode 'cause Phil can smell petrol? P: yeah
P: And then I realized, for the last hour and a half I'd been leaning against the light which had been MELTING into my PILLOW, I'll show you the light now
P (in video): Here's my bunk, and the melted light is here, which still kind of smells of really gross plastic.
P: It was a closed bunk with literal plastic fumes. D: He was inhaling melting plastic for two hours and nearly set on fire and that was our first day in the bus.
D: Looking around at all the things that could kill us here, nope we are not gonna make it 'till the end of America. P: That can NOT be good for you.
P: nope.
*reading texts aloud*
D: Too soon. Skull face, represents- *crickets sound* P: Dan's mouse, didn't feel so good..
D: N- OKAY, dive out this bus right now. P: LOL at this
*reading texts aloud*
P: That was beautiful D: That was the best morning of my entir- a dramatic reading of the best granola parfait I've ever had P: Ooh my god
P: Ooh we got another video D: Another dog video, okay are you ready for this lads P: I've said "You need to watch this with sound"
*train horn blares outside* P: There's a train about to hit our tour bus, oh my gosh D: Can ya not- Oh god, did we park on a train track?
D: OH NO, no this..oh god. P: Oh it's this one! This is so funny!
D: You thought you'd seen every version of this, here we go, how will (haha howell) this dog react to the owner disappearing behind a towel? P: Yeah, just wait
D: Here we go 3, 2, 1 oh he's sad, he's sad. P: Aw he's gone, what's happened?
D: Oh he's tucking it over him, what's he doi- *gasp* OHGOD. OH GOD NO. OH CHRIST. OH SWEET JESUS TIMMY.
P: My gosh D: I think the dog was.. kinda hot for the tiger, I don't think the dog was looking at the owner. P: I think so.
P: I was watching this in my bunk at like 2 in the morning and I was cry-laughing and trying not to be loud D: I think everyone was like, "who's making weird snorting noises
D: Phil in his bunk, laughing at that monstrosity. P: It was me.
*reading texts aloud*
P: Don't mess with Dan and his food.
D: "how is the seed I put out on Friday already finished?" I asked Phil, how could it be possible? How could the seed be gone already? P: Yeah. How, there was so much seed!
*womp sound* D: WOW. That is a **THICC** pigeon. P: It's literally eaten all of the seed.
D: That ONE little pidgey boy, snarfed the whole damn bath.
P: Dan after eating too much pizza. D: *poooo*
*reading texts aloud*
P: Oh this was in an airport
P: "He was German" - I don't know why that's relevant D: Well you know, he was German so I didn't wanna ask if he was okay
*reading texts aloud*
D: WOT the hell is goin' on here? P: Wait what, what is this?
*reading texts*
D: Did we tweet this?? I th- oh my god okay P: I don't know. Should we just leave that without context? D: Nnnh
P: That was when we did yoga that one time. Our friend is a yoga teacher and they'd wanted to test it out on us. D: RIIIGHT. Okay. Mother of god that's- thank you, okay.
P: This is Dan in a text conversation. D: Truly.
*reading texts*
D: *Bursts out laughing* P: That was me having anxiety that I wouldn't want to speak to the delivery guy.
D: Like okay, if this guy comes and he's like "who's the weirdo that ordered 8 different kinds of mayo", Phil doesn't wanna be that guy. P: Yeah. Nope.
D: Judge me, I don't care, life is having a carb and dippin' it in 12 different *dips*. *Fight. me.* P: Oh my gosh
P (in video): I think there's something Dan needs, and it is.. mooore dips. You just need you some more dips. D (in video): Don't dip shame me.
*children yaaay-ing sound* P: So there you go that was our little insight into our text messages
D: That is the reality of our friendship, I don't know what you expected but that's it, 90% food or awkward moments that we have to share with each other P: It is, I know
P: Obviously, there's a lot more I could show you so if you enjoyed this give us a thumbs up, we might do it again. D: Yes, could do mor- oh god a comp, don't know if I'd make it through that.
D: Okay, sure. P: I could go into the old phones, see what's on them (YESPLEASEDOIT THANKS)
D: Hopefully Phil won't inhale any toxic fumes or die on this tour bus, I think you're all going to be scared for him after this P: Yep
P: And if I don't, you can come see me on stage, with Dan D: Yes, like I said, still in America, gonna tour these places
D: You can come see us for a few dollars, get uh - enter a competition to come to the meet and greet, P: Hang out with us, *AMERICA*
D: And then we're going to Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Mumbai, Manila in the Philippines P: Singapore!
D: If you want to come see us in real life before we all diiiee P: danandphiltour.com D: *snaps* NNH.
P: We're in the endscreen now. If you wanna check out the tour click on this empty space over here D: Are we? Yes, that lovely little thing up there in the corner
P: Dan's channel, check out my channel, subscribe to me, hope you're having a good day, gooooodbye (: D: Boom. I hope life is nice, see you later bye