How are you going YouTube, fam? I thought I'd drop in today since we're all stuck on
the couch together doing self-improvement from home and answer your questions directly.
Now I'm going to do this video today answering your questions that I've got here. The rest
of these videos I'm actually gonna do in the community section, so you'll be able to find
a link to that in the description of this video, so if you head into the community section,
you'll be able to get your question answered one-on-one. Leave it in the comments below
this video and let's get to your questions today. Thanks for sending them in.
The first is from Amber. Amber, we're all doing all sorts of different topics today,
so this is going to be good fun. Amber says, thanks, Mark. I completely love the advice
and it's been so helpful. I'm trying to understand what to do as far as removing your light in
terms of Instagram, should you still allow them to see your stories and posts?
Now, this was on a how to handle your breakup video. I want to talk about removing your
light. What I find is that a lot of women, they underestimate the energy, the essence,
the value that they bring to a man's life. There are gifts that you bring to a man's
life and don't underestimate these that men adore, that men want to have in their lives,
right? Sure. We can live with just the blokes around, but there's a certain essence, a certain
light that a woman brings to a man's life that he's never going to get from his buddy
Steve. So when I talk about breakups, it's about removing that light, not because you're
being malicious, but because you are respecting yourself and the value you have to offer.
And you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't choose you. So you remove your light
and give it to people who are accepting of it and choosing it and wanting it for your
own protection.
Sure, it can be a great idea to block or if they're harassing you, it can be a great idea
to block. But personally, I've never found the need to block an ex on Instagram. I think
it's nice to see them succeed in the future. I think it's nice to see them doing really
well and an ex is part of your path, so it's someone you can be very grateful for. And
my ex is one of my best friends and I'm super, super grateful for that relationship. So now
Amber, there's no need to block a guy. Let him see what you're up to, let him see what
you're doing, shine that light in your life and uh, if he wants more of it, he can reach
out to you.
Next question is from Zumba. Zumba asks exactly what I needed to hear right now. Once you've
put it out to the guy that you'd like to be exclusive in dating him and he pulls back,
is there still a way to make it work?
Yeah, there definitely is Zumba, and I've had a client go through this recently, but
you know, sometimes guys, they get on that edge when they really like you, but they're
a bit scared of commitment and they kind of get in that middle zone and you say, "Hey,
I want commitment." And they're like, "Oh, I like her. But I don't know if that's enough."
Sometimes you need that final, "Hey, you're going to lose me. I'm going to go walk away
now because I respect myself,"" and after a week, a couple of weeks, they finally say,
"you know what? I made a giant mistake I want to commit." So guys definitely do that. I
see that all the time.
As soon as you put a hard boundary in place, a week later, maybe a month later at most
they wake up, see your value in suddenly want to commit. But there are definitely guys that
will hold back early on and you might have to show that there are actions behind your
words before that happens.
Next question is from a dude. Ah Calm Exit says, what should someone do if controlling
behaviors apply to a female partner and you're employed by their father without another work
opportunity? You know, work is one of those places where unfortunately sometimes in the
short term you have to tolerate boundary lapses, where someone can step over your boundaries,
and you can always push back, but you just have to decide if it's worth getting fired
for. So my best advice bro, would be find another place of work ASAP. And if you don't
have a supplementary income or backup income, you're going to have to tolerate this until
you do. Get out of there, bro. Get out of there.
Buaberry Life says, "I was blocked by a guy with whom I've been talking about for months
online." Men these days. "As of now, I'm still missing and thinking of him, should I try
to contact him and ask him for the reason why he left me without any sign? Cause I want
to know why he left me like that. Try to move on, but I'm still missing him."
Buaberry in the end, you've got to choose men that choose you, right? You've got this
vision of this guy up on this pedestal. We would've had this great life. He was the perfect
guy for me. Actually, it would have been shit. I'm not saying that to try to douse your fantasies
or anything. I'm saying if you're with anyone who hasn't chosen you, the fantasy, like what
you think and what you are missing.
It's, it's smoke and mirrors. None of it's real. When you're actually with a good solid
guy who's there for you, who's emotionally available, that's the guy that can make a
great relationship with you. Umm not this guy, you know, as it stands, should you ask
him? I probably not cause he's blocked you, but, but even if you could, you probably get
a bullshit cop out answer. So I mean, you can try and occasionally, you might get some
legitimate feedback, especially if it has been a decent amount of time. But a lot of
the time you'll just get a guy who doesn't want to hurt your feelings and won't tell
you the truth. And it just tells you rubbish. My advice, invest in men who actually want
to give you their attention, who give you the respect and value you deserve, who value
your impression in their life and uh leave guys who block you behind. They ain't worth
it. This dude ain't worth it.
Georgina, thanks for the question. These are great. Georgina says, "what about if you express
to your boyfriend that you'd like more affection? Uh, and it'd make you feel more loved. But
he says affection isn't his thing and doesn't come naturally to him. What should I do?"
So, Georgina, everyone has different love languages. I mean, it'd be good to chat to
your boyfriend about what he, what does he mean affection isn't his thing? Like any kind
of affection. Cause that's not sounding super healthy if that's the case. But maybe he's
very, does lots of acts of service for you. And maybe he's very complimentary, but he's
not a touching person, right? There's some people who just struggle with certain types
of affection. So if that's the case, you know, you've got to sit down with him. And that's
the only way to do this. You've got to say, Hey, how do we make this work together? You
know, is there a compromise where we can speak each other's love language a bit more? Are
you willing to work with me? Are you not? A dude who doesn't show you affection? I'll
tell you what. If you get a parent who doesn't show you affection, you're going to have someone
growing up who's not very comfortable with love and they're not going to have a lot of
healthy relationships going. So if you've got a dude who is uncomfortable with giving
you affection when that's a value for you, I mean you can choose to live with it, but
I wouldn't recommend it to be honest with you. I've seen too many people get messed
up by making that choice. So I think you've got to sit down with him, have a really serious
conversation and then think to yourself, is this something I'm happy to live with or is
he willing to work with me on creating change here and meet him in the middle somehow? Good
luck with the Georgina. I really hope that works for you.
Mz Dynasty says, "Hey, Mark, one particular guy is interested, but he keeps using the
word patience, saying it will take time for us to go on the date. Uh, the P word, I prefer
him to, use should be plan. Patience just seems like some event that is never going
to come. I've known him for a year and he only brought up taking me out once in a little
rinky dink place. Yes, I could go on dates with other people, but if it were him, it
would mean a lot more to me. Any suggestions? He really doesn't like the idea of me inviting
him to partake in my interest. Mz Dynasty, what are you doing here? All right, you deserve
more than this. This guy has invited you out once in a year. I'm sorry girl.
You're amazing. This guy's not that into you. Not enough. He's not going to do shit for
you. He's not going to lift a finger and again, the fantasy that you think he's going to be
smoke and mirrors. There is nothing there with this guy. Invest your attention in the
men who deserve it. Maybe just maybe when you start doing that and really valuing yourself,
he will see your value. But I wouldn't be doing it for that reason. I wouldn't count
on it. Understand that this is a fantasy. You're trying to buy into this fantasy and
feel a certain feeling. Don't do it. Wean yourself off it and go to guys who can provide
you with what you deserve right now.
Maureen, Maureen says, "I need some advice. My husband likes women who are actresses and
who are tall and slim, but I'm short and curvy. He says he likes my body, but I don't see
how he can like both. Please help." Maureen, he's chosen you. Now, I don't know the context
of the situation. I don't know if he's comparing you to others, but it's very possible for
a man to be attracted to all sorts of different things and in fact, most men and women are,
we find different things attractive all the time. You're thinking very superficially here,
you know, relationships are so much deeper than this, and I really hope your, your marriage
is, it's nothing to do with what's on the surface, right? It's nothing to do with any
of that. What's to do is that deep connection that you and him have. That's what's gonna
keep you together and none of that surface stuff matters in the end, right? You can certainly
find attraction for people outside the relationship and a lot of monogamous people for some reason
think that's abnormal. It's not, of course it's normal. My partner's going to be attracted
to other men, right? But what she sees on the surface has nothing to do with what she's
fallen for in me. So remember, your husband has chosen you, and I would very much hope
that if he was the type of man who for some reason didn't want to be with you, he would
just tell you. Otherwise, he's chosen you for a reason. He's with you, and until he
says otherwise, he's your man.
Next question is from Stacy. Stacy says, what if you have a man that will not provide? Stacy,
you've given me zero context to work with here. So all I can say is you've got to decide
if that's a problem you're willing to live with, and if not, you've got to have a chat
to him about it, nothing more to work with than that.
Tally says, "ah, I messed this one up." Uh, this is on the get him to ask you out video.
She said, "I didn't see it coming. He said, what are you doing on weekends? I replied,
no plans. He said, no, I'll take you out, and I just smiled. He did not proceed. Is
there a way to fix this? What should I have said to that?" You should have said, that
sounds lovely. When would you like to go? As it stands, send him a text that says, "Hey,
if you're still up for that coffee, whatever he suggested, I'd love to hang out. Maybe
you can't with the VIR US but if you'd like to chat, I'd still love to chat with you.
Whatever." Give them a clear, clear green light. Perfect.
Poonam says, "Mark, could you tell me if my ex asks after no contact if I am dating someone
or get a new partner, what should I reply?" Poonam you shouldn't. It's none of his business.
You can tell him that.
Iris says, "please, I need help. Been dating this guy for three months, two weeks ago.
He said he loved me." Okay, that's quick. "We speak every day. I'm over at his house
almost every day. Kisses me in public and in uniform. He's a cop. He asks how my son
is doing." Cool. Cool. "He wants to spend time with us yet when I asked him are we together
together, his reply is maybe. What the fuck does that mean? His Facebook status is still
single." This is exactly what I'd be saying to him, right? He says, "Oh, maybe like, bro,
what the fuck does that mean? Your Facebook status still says you're single." You say
that to him, right? That's going to show that you're a lot more serious about this. Right
now, it sounds like he's enjoying the benefits of having you and the affection without actually
getting the little bit of pain and a little bit of fear that comes with commitment.
So if I was you, and if this is important to you, don't let them off the hook. Say,
"look, if you're going to hold my hand in public, if you're going to, you know, stop
other guys, come to meet me. And if you want to build all this emotional connection you
can commit, bro." Good luck, Iris.
Uh, Sheri says, "what if he's fallen deeply in love with you and knows you are the one
woman for him, but he's complacent and lazy in the relationship? How do you get them to
be proactive and less routine in intimacy? I've tried open discussions. I've tried reading
relationship books together. I've tried making plans. None of it's worked." What a man says,
Sheri and what a man does are two very different things. This guy, I can tell you're his soul
mate until the end of time, but if he doesn't do shit to prove it, if his actions don't
follow, it don't matter, girl. Right? Everything you're doing is stuff with him. The key to
making this work is to do stuff without him, right?
Focus your energy on other things. Focus your energy on other plans, other hobbies, whatever
it is you're doing. If you're stuck at home, focus it on audio books or I'm going to have
stuff in another video, all these different things you can be doing that aren't centered
around him. If he's lazy and complacent, he should be feeling like if he continues this
behavior, I'm going to lose her. Once you give him that feeling, you will see if he
stops being lazy and complacent for you.
Shreyosi Bala says, "is it okay to expose a cheating married man?" Woo. It's getting
spicy "by telling his wife when you don't know her." Look, Shreyosi your moral decisions
are up to you. But I'm just going to say, if I was a dude and I was married, my wife
was cheating on me. I would want to know.
Danielle says, "I met this guy start of last month and we've been in a relationship for
a few weeks now. What bothers me is that when he takes, is that he takes his phone to the
bathroom with him anytime he's with me and then gets angry when I ask him why. He says
he's still friends with an ex. She messaged him just the other day to sort something out
with him about his cat back in Turkey, which is a little odd I think he said she has a
boyfriend, but my gut feeling still thinks he has feelings for her. He does sometime
mention her name and it annoys me. Should I be worried or is it probably nothing to
worry about?" Look, Danielle, I'll refer you to my intuition or insecurity video, which
would give you some more clues about deciphering this situation. In my opinion, the behavior
you've described sounds f*cking fishy.
Ladies, if you're watching this, this is the stuff you want to be picking up on. These
weird things that happen. These are the emotional inconsistencies that demonstrate a man is
not willing to go deeper with you, right? He's taken his phone to the bathroom. She's
tried to confront him about it. He just, I think gaslights and asks why? So he asks defensive
and he's got this weird relationship with his ex, which is fine, but he's totally not
open about it. All right? Trust your instincts, Danielle. Okay, and you watching, these are
the situations you've got to become a mentalist there You've got to be a man reader, right?
If you'd want to join my program and work with me, you can apply free in the description
below. These are the situations where you've got to be, "okay, what's the inconsistency?
Why is that happening?"
Like really understand these because by doing so, you'll call men out, and you'll get the
truth one way or the other.
MCA says, so are you saying that the compatibility is more important than chemistry? Now for
a bit of context, this comment was left on the video where I talk about my own relationship,
and I'll put the link to that in description where compatibility did become a bigger issue
than chemistry. And the answer is, look, both are important. But in the Western world, compatibility
is the one we tend to forget. We go with chemistry and then we realized later on, "Oh shit, there's
no compatibility" and we can't correct the incompatibilities. Places where compatibility
would be more important than chemistry gets forgotten, would be countries where arranged
marriage is forced and you have to figure out the chemistry. Sometimes it works, sometimes
it doesn't. So both are important, uh, as our relationship skills, which I talked in
a video with Ben Ritter about as well, which I can put a link to in the description.
Uh, Alina says, "what if a guy leaves saying bad words or judging or trying to control
you? You lose your value. Should a girl ignore that attitude and keep being good, creating
good emotions for guy or take a step away, show disagreement with this treatment when
he comes back texting?" Look, Alina, I don't know if you're new to this channel, but if
you are watching and you're not new to this channel, can you guess what my answer is going
to be right now?
Alina, walk the f*ck away. Value yourself.
Gina says, "I offer my boyfriend's space all the time. Okay. And he doesn't take it. He's
always pissed. Won't tell me about his day, doesn't want to hear about mine, don't want
to talk about throughout the day because we worked together and he thinks I'm constantly
trying to argue with him when I'm not, I'm losing my mind and if this doesn't work, I'm
done with it all. Sick of life and love. Anyways, what the hell is wrong with him?", My God,
I was exhausted just reading the comment and trying to figure out all the stuff that's
going on here. Gina, this does not sound very healthy. It sounds like you guys are triggering
each other and it sounds like there needs to be some big, tough, difficult conversations
had between the two of you. I can't tell from this. This is only one side of the story.
I can't tell what he's perceiving in his side, but it certainly doesn't sound like either
of you are happy, so I'd be having some serious conversations and deciding seriously if you
do want this to continue.
And the final question is from Amanda. "Oh, I've watched a lot of your videos, but your
jab at my, at my president, just made me unsubscribe. I'm proud of the president of the United States
as are millions of Americans. You'll lose more subscribers doing that take care." Oh
dear. Well Amanda, the president is an interesting character. I will definitely compliment him
on this. He has been more entertaining over recent weeks than most episodes of The Simpsons,
including the one he's been on. That's a compliment to anyone that's way more entertaining than
me. I'm sorry to lose you on the channel, Amanda, but seriously, I guess that's what
democracy is here for, isn't it? We all appreciate each other's opinions. So I love you regardless.
And that is the Q and A for today. If you want to ask your question, put in the comments,
I'm going to answer it in the community section. If you want to get a copy of my book that
is in the description as well. And if you want a free download description, you know
where to go. Give the video a thumbs up, hit the subscribe button with the little bell,
and I'll see you in the next video real soon.