Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette!
In today's video, we discuss something that we all care about, being liked by others.
More specifically, we discuss 11 easy ways to become instantly more likeable.
I'm a big believer in being myself but sometimes, it can really help to get through life more
easily and to get what you want if you adapt in a certain way so you become more likeable.
So first of all, what's a likeable person and what are their traits?
Likeable people are often considered down-to-earth, open, authentic, interested, self-deprecating,
trustworthy, and a bunch of other things.
Usually, they're warm and emotionally stable people that others want to be around.
So are you a likeable person?
The first thing to consider is that if you think about this question, you're probably
too hard on yourself.
Four university studies found that people often underestimated how much their conversation
partner liked them.
So you're probably already more likeable than you think you are, however, there is always
room for improvement.
So what are the 11 easy ways to get instantly more likeable?
Number one is to be yourself.
I know it's a super cliche answer but sometimes, the person you want to be doesn't line up
with the person you actually are.
The perfect example is social media; the way people portray themselves on Instagram or
in Facebook rarely matches the real-life circumstances.
We spend a lot of time and energy trying to get people to like who you want to be rather
than who you actually are, you may come off as insecure and unreal.
Often, people can sense this and they want to know the real genuine authentic you, not
the idealized version.
So let them see the real you even though at times that might seem embarrassing, it really
helps to increase your likability because people can relate better with you and they
don't put you on a pedestal that is just an ideal of everything that they can't have because
obviously, they know about the things that are not perfect in their own lives and they
like to see it in others.
Two, learn some great conversation starters because other people will be relieved that
they don't have to start the conversation.
Those could be things like "did you choose your profession or did your professions choose
you" or maybe "what makes you laugh the most?".
Having a few good starter questions ready every time before you attend a social event
will make you more secure and you will probably end up having more good conversations.
It will also avoid awkward moments and people will thank you for it because they know when
they talk to you, it's never embarrassing or strange.
if you want to know what my favorite conversation starters are, please head over to this video
where I talk all about how to get to know someone and what questions to ask.
Three, the sure way to get instantly more likeable is to give others a compliment even
though you've just met them.
Most people think a lot more about themselves than others do think about them.
So they may put a lot of effort into a hairstyle, their outfits, or the way they dress but others
won't ever notice it.
So by picking up on something that is special about a person and by complimenting them on
it makes you instantly more likeable.
Why?
Well, you actually stand out from the crowd because you noticed something others don't
and it flatters the other person and honestly, who doesn't want to be flattered?
That being said, it's best not to comment on body parts or ideally, things that people
can't change anything about.
Instead, compliment them on something they do or they did.
For example, they chose their shoes or they presented their argument in a very eloquent
way, compliment them on that.
On the other hand, they did not choose their eye color so don't compliment them on that.
Frankly, all the successful networkers I know will always compliment the other person in
a genuine way when they see something when they first meet.
Four, on the flip side, that means you also learn how to accept the compliment in a graceful
way.
Often, when people are complimented, they don't know how to respond.
They try to diminish the compliment by saying "oh no I just found it at a flea market" or
"oh really do you think so?"
All of these are ways to really put down the other person who was trying to be nice to
you and if someone else gives you a compliment, you should not diminish it, deny it, or deflect
from it.
Instead, you should accept it gracefully.
What does it mean specifically?
All you need to do is to say thank you and smile.
Now, of course, that's just the basic answers and there are many pitfalls and nuances.
To learn more about those and how to accept a compliment in style, please check out this
video here.
Five, show some self-deprecating humor.
If you check out the most popular videos on YouTube, chances are they contain some elements
of self-deprecating humor comedy or parody.
Why is that?
People love humor and they enjoy a good laugh.
It's easy to be funny and cracking jokes about others and even though everyone might be laughing,
the person the joke is about will deep down end up hating you.
You may never see it and they may never admit it but deep down, they will distance themselves
from you because it hurts them in some way.
So the perfect way to utilize humor to become more likeable without distancing others is
to use self-deprecating humor.
So what does it mean?
Just make fun about yourself.
That means, maybe share weird things about you or share a time when you look like a loser
or when you did something that looks really stupid.
I know it seems weird and hard but by doing that and getting other people to laugh about
it, they will instantly like you more.
For example, I'm known for often being well dressed so if I joke about my prom outfit
and the leather jacket the teddy bear tie and show people the picture of it, they'll
look at me in a way and think "wow you weren't always that way" and they instantly like me
more than if I would portray a picture of myself as having always been well dressed.
Another good way to add self-deprecating humor is to compare yourself to others so you can
say "oh wow you're just twenty-two when you're running your own business when I was 22 my
mom did my laundry for me".
You see what I mean?
That way, you put yourself in a light that lets others shine and that makes you instantly
more likeable even though you may feel like you look like a loser.
In my opinion, a master of self-deprecating humor is Ellen DeGeneres.
She utilizes this technique all the time in her show and people love her so next time
you watch that show, pay attention to it and you will see how she utilizes it to become
instantly more likeable.
Six, focus on listening.
So far, we all talked about active steps you can take but one of the easiest way to become
more likeable is to really in genuinely listen to what other people say.
No, if you're just waiting for the other person to finish before you can give your reply,
you're not actively listening.
Actively listening means that you comprehend what they're saying that you repeat what they're
saying and that you later follow up with a question pertaining to it so they really know
that you listened and also cared.
So always try to paraphrase what people said in a quick way without going into too much
detail.
You can also have follow-up questions that show that you comprehended what was said and
you just keep the conversation going.
In general, people like to feel like they're heard and understood and by actively listening,
you achieve exactly that.
An even bigger step is not just to listen but to act on what someone just said.
For example, if someone tells you that they really enjoy biking or that as a kid, they
had fond memories of eating Cheetos, the next time the opportunity arises and you may be
organized a bike tour for them or you just buy a little bag of Cheetos for them and give
it to them, they will instantly feel reminded of their childhood, they will remind that
they talked to you about it and that you listened and that you cared so much and went to the
effort to do something nice for them, that's one of the best ways to become more likeable
in my experience.
Seven, ask more questions.
It goes slightly into the same vein as the active listening but more questions keep a
conversation going and the more smart questions you ask, the more understood and heard the
other person feels and the more they feel taken care of and comfortable in your presence.
Also, follow up questions that you ask allow the other person to go deeper which can lead
to a more meaningful conversation.
Eight, be vulnerable.
Most people engage in small talk but small talk doesn't allow you to really be vulnerable
and it's not well-suited to get to know someone.
Mostly, it's just tedious and boring and frankly, it can be much harder than having a genuine
conversation about things that actually mean something to people.
So try to stop yourself from engaging in small talk and get real.
That means you can be a leader in a conversation who dives deeper first without waiting for
the other person to expose themselves or show a vulnerability.
Of course, this has to be a gradual process.
If you tell people about your financial problems the first time they meet you, they think of
you as being weird.
So a good starter question that I always use is "what do you do when you don't work?"
Most people have the impulse to tell me what their job is because that's what they usually
hear but then it usually takes a second for them to realize I'm actually asking about
their passions and you can see a little smile, they'll light up and they tell me more about
the things they like to do.
Now, that is a first step to create a connection, to create something where they feel they can
share with me and usually, they have an interest in it so they don't get tired of talking about
it.
Once we're at that step, you can ask deeper and deeper questions and that way, you have
a conversation that is quite meaningful and both people will walk away without feeling
like they wasted their time and that they were bored.
Always keep in mind, people love to talk about their passions and not so much about their
insecurities yet everyone has them and by opening up and sharing your struggles and
your insecurities, you become instantly more relatable and thus likeable.
Nine, minimize complaining.
We all feel like we want to complain every once in a while and that's okay, however,
if you complain constantly, you carry a negative aura with you and others don't want to be
around you because you just bring them down or make them feel bad.
So what if you just have a natural negative outlook in life and that's simply who you
are?
Well, in that case, I suggest you try to flip it around and try to see the positive things
and frankly, if sometimes that's too hard and you can't find anything nice to say, it's
better not to say anything at all.
Ten, make everyone feel included and comfortable.
If you have a group conversation, there's usually someone who speaks a lot more than
someone else.
If you pick up on that and you notice that someone is being quiet or just alone, it really
pays to loop them back into the conversation by asking them a question.
Most people want to be part of something, that can be a movement like CrossFit or simply
a conversation where people don't want to feel like they're left out.
By bringing someone back in who was left out, they're probably grateful to you, maybe even
subconsciously, and they will like you more for it.
Last but not least, it makes sense to embrace a positive attitude because other people will
like to be around you because it makes them feel positive.
Usually, positive people uplift other people and don't drain their energy.
Sometimes, just reminding yourself of that is all it takes to be more positive.
Finally, it's only favored to acknowledge that people have their own will and chances
are some people will never like you and that's okay.
In those cases, it's best not to focus on things you can't change but the things you
can do.
If you apply these eleven tips in your social life, I guarantee you, you will be more liked.
So what are your secret tips to become more likeable?Please share with us in the comments
and give us a thumbs up.
in today's video I'm wearing a typical outfit that I could wear to a party because it reflects
Who I am who's someone who likes to dress up yet at the same time it's casual enough
to not look aloof or out of touch.
it consists of a tweed jacket that I found vintage for five bucks I'm combining it with
a solid brown turtleneck sweater it's kind of a tan color which really works well with
a jacket because it picks up those tones it's actually from Uniqlo and it was rather inexpensive
I'm pairing it with black and corduroy pants which work well with a jacket because it has
black flecks my shoes are brown suede Derby chukka boots and they go well with the brown
tones in my outfit on the other hand my pocket square is burgundy red with tones of brown
that pick up the colors in my outfit creates a little bit of an accent all while blending
in you can find it in our shop here