A man with the most interesting name I've ever heard was recently arrested.
I'm Hedwig from Norrtälje in Sweden. Let's talk about that.
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Goooooooooooooood Mythical Morning!
This episode is brought to you by Kotulas.com, The Guys With The Goods.
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Like Rutt Wipe, Link. This is blaze orange toilet paper. Safer than white
for when you're wiping your butt in the woods, which hunters do.
- And I also do that. - Yeah. I crap exclusively in the woods,
- (laughs) - and that is brought to you by Rutt Wipe.
- Kotula's. - Sometimes I just go into my backyard,
just... nevermind. Forget it.
- News story. - Oh, that's what we're doing.
I have to share with you people the most interesting name I've ever heard.
- This guy, thirty years old, - Okay.
was arrested Thursday afternoon on charges of carrying a concealed weapon,
possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and a violation
- of probation in Madison, Wisconsin. - Wow.
But his name... his name... is unforgettable. Are you ready?
- Yeah! - Don't peek.
- Okay. I'm anxious. - Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop.
First name: Beezow, middle name: Doo-Doo. I'm not making this up.
- It's the news, people. - Beezow Doo-Doo?
Last name: Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop. Let me try to get it all together.
- Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop. - Sounds like a Louis Armstrong scat.
(gravelly singing) Zee bob beetzbop zippitybob boop doo-doo.
- (gravelly voice) Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop! - Clearly this is not his given name.
- No parents... - Right.
Unless they were celebrity parents like Gavin and...
- Who did he marry? - I don't know.
Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow would name her child something like that.
- Apple? Is that what...? - Yeah, you start with Apple
- and then you move on to Beezow Doo-Doo. - Zoppity-Bop... well, their last name
- isn't Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop. - Yeah.
Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop was born Jeffrey Drew Wilschke.
- Jeffrey Drew's not bad. - Wilschke's not good, though.
- Yeah. - I'd change that.
According to court records, he legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-Doo
Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop in October, just in time for Halloween, I guess.
According to Zoppitybop-Bop's apparent Facebook account,
No, it's Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop. There's three bops.
- Oh. Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop. - I paid close attention to that.
According to his apparent Facebook account-- listen to this--
When he's not in trouble with the law, he enjoys activities including, quote,
"Eating, standing, walking, thinking, and diamond."
I enjoy all of those, except diamond. Is that a verb?
- How do you enjoy diamond? - I think you just sit in the presence
- of a diamond. - I enjoy my diamond.
You sit in the presence of a precious stone and you come up with a name
like Beezow Doo-Doo Zippitybop-Bop-Bop.
Amazing. I can't believe that someone would legally change their name to that.
You know, I respect this guy for a number of reasons.
- Not for the drug use, right? - No, no, no. I disrespect him for
the drug use. I respect him for carrying a weapon. No, I'm just kidding.
- Didn't it say he was carrying a weapon? - Yeah, it said that he had a knife
- at some point. - No, I respect him for enjoying standing
- and enjoying walking and eating. - And diamond. Don't forget diamond.
I respect him for having the courage to change his name.
Because this is something that, while I've never truly considered it...
People ask us all the time, (silly voice) "Rhett and Link, is that your real name?"
"No way that's your real name! Rhett and Link, okay, so what's your real name?"
"That's a made-up name, right? Rhett and Link, that's your stage name, right?"
- No. Look at my license. - They use that voice?
(silly voice) Yeah, whenever people criticize my name, they kinda
talk like this.
Only people that talk like that criticize your name.
- Yeah. - I think that's what you're trying
- to imply. - Rhett is my real name, and Link is--
No one who talks normally would ever criticize your name, is that what you're
- trying to tell the people, Rhett? - Well, no... don't put words in--
(silly voice) Don't put words in my mouth!
Do normal people criticize your name or question it?
I'm not talking about criticizing, it's questioning the authenticity of my name.
My license says "Rhett." Now, Link's license doesn't say "Link," it says "Lincoln."
- But Link is short for Lincoln. - It's close enough, right?
Yeah, it's still not just some made-up stage name.
I'm also the third, and I have a son who's also-- he goes by Lincoln.
There's four of us, so it's totally bonafide.
But I have thought about the fact that I've got this name that I have to
- constantly qualify. - Mmhmm, mmhmm.
When I introduce myself-- I don't know what it is-- but usually, if I'm in a
place where there's noise, where there's a lot of ambient noise,
- Yeah. - like next to a train track... I spend
a lot of time in the woods crapping next to trains that are going by.
(laughs) Right. They won't hit you because it'll be orange.
Well, I've got my whole head wrapped in Rutt Wipe and...
Well, anyway, when people come up to me while I'm crapping in the woods,
or just any other time when there's a lot of noise,
- (yells) Hey, what's your name, Sir? - I'm like, "Rhett is my name."
And they're like, "Rick?" (silly voice) "Rick?"
- They use this voice. "Rick?" or, "Brett?" - Mmhmm.
And I'm like, "Rhett. Like--" and then I've come up with this thing.
- "Like Brett without a B." - Yeah, I've heard you say this.
Like Brett without a B. They're like, "Hmm." It takes a second to process.
They're like, "Where's the B in Brett? hmm... Rhett." And then they get it.
I have heard that you've made a decision with some people, when you're next to the
train track or whatever you said about ambient noise, I have heard you go ahead
and head 'em off at the pass and say, "I'm Rhett, that's Brett without a B."
- Yep. - So they're doing the math in their head
but at least they're not asking you a follow-up question.
- It's not really math, but that's okay. - It's funny. I kinda think it's
since we moved to California from North Carolina, because there's something about
my Southern accent, or what's left of it or whatever, I don't know if you think
- I have a Southern accent. - Yeah, you do. So do I.
Only out here I've started to notice-- and I'm not just talking about
one person here, I'm talking about multiple people-- when I introduce myself,
They think I'm saying "Leak." "Hi, I'm Link." and they say,
- (in unison) "Leak?" - Like a dripping faucet.
Who would call themselves after a malfunctioning plumbing device?
You know? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
So what do you say? How do you clarify your name?
I say, "Link, like in a chain." Or sometimes I say, "Link, like the sausage."
- Oh, don't do that. - Yeah, I don't...
Just say... why don't you do Zelda? 'Cause I mean, this generation...
I do get that from a lot of people. Like, "Oh, you were named after Zelda?"
It's like, quite the opposite. But yeah, the sausage one I should probably drop.
Okay, so, we've got these qualifiers. But see, I'm not gonna change my name.
Are you saying that you want to legally change your name to--
No, I don't want to legally change my name.
Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppitybop-Bop-Bop? Because it's taken.
But I think that there should be a requirement for people who want to
change their names. And I think it should be: You can only change your name
to the name that other people already perceive you as.
So you go to the name-changing place and the guy there has the power to look at you
- Yeah, he's like-- - and make a determination.
- No, Sir, you cannot be Beezow Doo-Doo. - No no, this is how it works.
This is how it works. You go to the name-changing place,
because this place does exist, and you're like, "I wanna get my name changed."
And the guy or girl behind the counter is like, "You look like a Doug."
And that's what your becomes. Because, you know how you see people sometimes
and they tell you their name and then you're like, "You don't look like a Mark."
- You don't say that to people, do you? - No, but I'm thinking it a lot.
That would be horribly rude. Almost as rude as saying, "Your name is what? Leak?"
But it makes me wonder, what do people perceive me as?
When I introduce myself as Rhett, what name do I look like? What name do you...
- We should figure this out for each other. - Okay. So if we went up to the person,
- Let's say, - I'll be the person at the
- name-changing place. - Hi, my name is Link but people think
it's Leak. I wanna legally change my name.
- And now it's up to that person. You. - You look like a Mark.
- Kinda plain. I was hoping something... - You know, glasses, coffee...
- A lot of things together. Your haircut, you know. Mark. Hey Mark, wanna go party?
- Mark? (laughs) - And then the guy, he gives you a name
- and then he invites you to party? - Then you go party with the guy
- at the name-changing place. - Never accept that invitation, people.
- (laughs) - If you're gonna legally change your name,
do not party. Never party with the guy who gave you your name.
No, no. Horrible idea. What do I look like?
Let me make my default expression. I don't wanna throw you off.
- Jaime. - That's like an androgynous name.
You've got a lot of life to live, I just wanna give you options.
- Leave a comment below. - Jaime...
I think it's a good time... yeah, just go with it, Jaime.
Leave a comment below. Give us your name and then, if you were to talk to the
person behind the name-changing counter, what name do you think they would give you?
Or you can just say, if you wanna legally change your name, what would you change
your first name to? Can't use Beezow Doo-Doo. Or I guess you could, there
- could be multiple ones. - You could use Jaime, I don't want it,
- Let's spin the wheel. - Mark.
- Oh, the wheel's already up here! - It is.
We forgot to take it down. We should take it down and then put it back up.
- But let's not. - No, we'll just leave it up here.
(Rhett) Rhett and Link howl like wolves.
(sighs) You know, the Wolfpack is our alma mater. That's NC State University.
If you want to add something to the board to replace that,
Well, it's the wheel. It's the wheel, actually.
- It's a spinning board. - Wheel of Mythicality.
- The Spinning Board of Mythicality. - (howls)
(high pitched) We'll see you tomorrowwww! - (howling)
(both howling, slowly sinking in pitch)
Sounds more like a hound dog. See you tomorrow.
[Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]