- These fucking millennials.
Millennials, is that what they're called this year?
Millennial?
Gen X?
Millennial?
Pussies.
Is that what they're called, pussies?
They're pussies.
All of 'em, pussies.
If there's 15 year olds in here
you're a fucking pussy.
All of you.
Fucking puss--
Right?
Am I fucking right? They complain.
You can't yell at 'em.
They'll say something.
You'll get in trouble.
They'll go, oh my God,
my mom yelled at me,
and I'm so scared to go to the house
'cause my mom yelled at me.
Man, go fuck yourself.
Are you kidding me?
You're scared to go home cause your mom yelled at--
That's all my mom did
was yell at me.
That was the only language my mom spoke was yell.
Ha?
What?
Say it again.
Say it!
What did you say, Joseph?
What did you say?
Turn around.
Turn around, Joseph!
That's the only language my mom taught, yell.
Ha?
When? When did you do it?
Where? Where did you go?
Ha? What?
Did you lose your lunchbox?
I remember when I lost my lunchbox one time.
Holy shit.
That's how my mom disciplined.
Through the, she never like physically touched.
She verbally attacked you.
That's when she went after you.
She'd break you down in words.
Interrogation, two and a half hours of yelling.
What?
Where's your lunchbox, Joseph?
Where did you put it?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Where?
Where did you go?
You go from house to school,
school to house.
Where the fuck did you lose it?
What, you just take your lunchbox put it anywhere.
Oh, I don't know where.
I don't know where anything is.
I don't know where.
Where's your lunch box, Joseph?
Where?
Where did you put it?
I don't, I don't know.
That she'll just repeat what I said in a stupid voice.
How do you not know, Joseph?
How?
I don't know mom.
What do you want me to say?
Tell me where it is!
Two hours of that.
Where?
Ha?
She wants me to have snot coming outta my mouth
and then breathe it in at the same time.
That's when she's happy.
That's when my mom knows she got me.
That's when she walks up to me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Joseph, breathe!
Breathe, my God.
Breathe! My God, Joseph.
Breathe, breathe!
Breathe.
It's just a lunchbox.
And then she's gotta embarrass me.
Then she's gonna put my lunch in a Tupperware container.
That's how she embarrasses me.
She always says that I'm going to put your lunch
in a Tupperware container.
And then I cry more.
Why?
I don't wanna go to school.
Why not?
Because I don't wanna go to school
with my lunch in one of your Tupperwares.
That shit's embarrassing.
If I send my son to school with a Tupperware container,
he goes to school with a clear bowl,
and it's got a blue lid, and it says Tupperware on the lid.
My son would be proud to go to school with shit.
My mom's Tupperware?
Usually an empty Cool Whip container.
Country Crock.
One time she put it in a empty neapolitan
ice cream container.
Had the red handle.
She put my homework and my lunch.
It looked like a fucking briefcase.
Like what the?
Put my lunch in a Cool Whip container.
That shit is so embarrassing.
And then she goes, grab a Sharpie
so I can write your name on the lid.
Like someone else has a Cool Whip container lunch box.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one
with a Cool Whip container lunchbox.
You never know, Joseph.
No, I know!
I'm walking around the lunchroom
looking for a place to sit
with my Cool Whip container lunchbox.
All the other kids are looking at me.
Whoa.
Your mom's gonna let you eat Cool Whip?
I don't know what's inside.
I'm sitting down at the lunch table
with my Cool Whip container lunchbox.
All these other kids are trading lunches in front of me,
but no one wants to trade for the mystery bucket.
My mouth is watering
'cause I see all these delicious trades going down.
I'll give you my turkey and cheddar cheese sandwich
for that peanut butter and jelly.
I'll give you my chocolate chip cookies for those Pringles.
I'll give you my chocolate milk for that Gatorade.
And I'm looking at all of 'em.
Does anyone want munggo?
Munggo?
No munggo, it's so good.
Munggo.
You get to keep the container.
- Yeah, my mama, man.
She didn't play, man.
My mama made us go to church.
Made us.
We ain't even sinned yet.
We still had to go to church.
Like, get up you are going to church!
Like mama, can't the preacher come here sometimes?
We always going to him.
He can preach on the kitchen table, mama.
Get up, you are going to church!
Make me sick.
Making me late.
She already talking 'bout we making her late.
And she ain't dressed neither.
Walking around with her bra on.
You are making me late!
I can't get dressed fooling around with y'all!
You can't get dressed 'cause you ain't dressed, mama.
You late too.
We just a late family.
Making me sick!
She'd be mad at us.
Every Sunday, she'd fix us some breakfast.
She wouldn't fix us nothing.
She'd be mad at us.
We'd be so late, she gotta eat it in the car.
She coming in the car with her food.
And one time she brought it to the car
and gave it to me to hold,
but I didn't hear what she said,
and I thought she was giving it to me.
And I ate my mama breakfast.
Man, I ain't never seen her this mad before.
All I heard was, here.
I didn't hear, hold this.
I didn't hear that.
And she like, get that door.
Get the door!
Make me sick.
Every Sunday we gotta go through this.
Here.
Hold that.
I got it, I was like, huh?
I thought mama was mad at us.
And she said, here.
Why'd mama fix me coffee?
My brother was in the back seat.
Man, what the hell are you doin'?
That's mama food.
Shut up.
Can't stand to see me have nothing.
Just like grandmama said, crabs in the bucket.
Don't even have to put a lid on the top.
Mama fixed this for me.
Mad 'cause you ain't in the front seat.
All of a sudden my mom said, "Hand me my plate."
Shut up!
Mama, what'd you say?
Boy, I said hand me my plate!
Oh, you mean the plate you gave me?
Boy, the plate I told you to hold!
Mama, you said, here.
I said here, hold my plate!
Oh.
Mama.
Mama, you still love me?
Boy, what are you talking about?
You know how sometimes I be doing stupid stuff, mama?
Boy, I know you didn't sit up there and eat my food!
You get outta this car and you walk to church.
You hear me, you get out
and you walk to church!
You got enough energy.
Get outta here!
Mama, I'm sorry!
I left you the biscuit, mama!
I had to walk all the way to church now.
I didn't care, I was full.
I got in the back of the church.
My brother was back there.
We back there talking.
My brother was like, you crazy.
I said, you crazy.
Let mama treat you like that.
My brother's like, you gonna go to hell.
I said, you already living hell.
We back there talking
and my mama friends see us saying, uh-uh.
Sister Russell saw us back there talking, she like, uh-uh.
Back there embarrassing Sister Tucker.
They oughta be ashamed of theirselves.
Somebody get Sister Tucker.
Touch Sister Tucker.
Mmm-Mmm, just back there talking.
Mary!
Mary, Mary, Mary.
Mary, look.
Mary, Mary, look.
Look, Mary.
He made it to church.
I thought somebody was gonna kidnap him.
He make me sick!
Back there talking.
Chris!
Chris, shut up!
Shut up, boy.
You hear me, shut up!
And I knew she couldn't get up and move
'cause it was in the middle of the church,
so I said, mama.
You shut up, mama.
Mama.
Boy, are you done lost you're mind, Chris?
Now I said, shut up, boy!
Mama, I said shut up, lady!
You wait out the church.
You wait out the church, Chris.
No mama, you wait out the church, mama.
You hear me, you wait out the church, mama!
You don't fix nobody no breakfast!
Boy, you done went crazy, boy!
You wait, you wait, mama.
You wait, you wait.
My mama so mad at me,
they thought she was shouting.
She mad at me.
Oh Lord, Ima get him, Lord.
Ima get him!
He ate my breakfast, Lord!
He ate my breakfast!
- The only reason for the longest time
I didn't go see a therapist,
only, only reason is like,
I didn't wanna snitch on my family.
That's the only reason.
That's a crazy thing.
I just picture the therapist being like,
what happened in your childhood?
I go, nothing, bitch!
Like, you know what, I just kept it.
You're not getting any of this!
I'm just gonna smoke weed and not commit to relationships.
How do you snitch on your little Lebanese,
I don't, she's little, but she's lovely.
Little Lebanese mother who,
they don't, you know.
She just always like, took care of us.
Always popping outta crevices.
You're never gonna find a mom like that.
They just is roll--
Like you know what I'm saying?
Ha, ha, like always asking the same question.
She's like, hey, hey, hey.
I heard you're hungry.
What? What are you saying right now?
How did you hear?
How did you know?
I am hungry, but how did you hear me?
You were upstairs.
She goes, I know, I know.
I'm like, you were vacuuming.
She goes, I heard over it, habibi.
That's what I do.
I heard over the vacuum, the noise, I heard over.
I transcended over.
I go, you psycho.
She still tucks me in.
I'm 38 years old.
She still, if I visit, will tuck me in.
Not a tuck in where you know it's happening.
Just in the middle of the night.
A four in the morning tuck in.
Like a surprise, you know?
You know how scary that is?
Just to wake up with your mom on you.
Like not the side.
She's on you.
I thought I was getting robbed,
and I'm fighting, you know?
I wake up and I'm fighting the covers.
Like wait, who are you?
And she goes, shh, shh, shh.
Habibi, habibi, stop, stop.
Shh, shh.
The furnace is broken.
It's broken.
Your stupid fucking father didn't fix it.
So it's cold.
The cold is coming in.
I don't want my habibi to get cold.
Shh, I don't want him to get cold.
The cold is coming in.
Then you go back to New York, and then you'll get colder.
Then you'll get sick, and I'm not there to take care of you.
Then you're gonna get pneumonia.
Then you're gonna die.
You can't die, habibi.
I have to die first, then you die.
Do you want strawberries?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Where did these strawberries come from, you psychopath?
But should I rat her out?
Yeah, she punched me in my sleep once.
'Cause I passed curfew.
That's all I did.
Like any normal parent, you wait, right?
You wait till the morning to deal with it.
She wanted that night, you know what I mean?
She couldn't wait.
And it wasn't, and I knew it was coming.
You know when you know?
And I was forcing myself.
I don't know if you ever forced yourself to sleep.
You just, I.
I didn't, it wasn't my mom anymore.
You know what I mean? I'm like, she's a sniper.
I was so scared.
Bro, I didn't know if she was in the room, but I felt her.
You know when you feel a body?
I felt a body in the room.
It got cold.
The room got cold, and I'm just scared.
I open my eyes.
Bro, she's in the air.
That's, she's in the air.
Already, she's in there and she goes,
then punched me right in the fucking chest.