All right. I want to tell you a story of one of the biggest introverts I know and how he
succeeded in dating. Who is it?
There is nothing that I'd rather do than sit at home creating content for you with my cat
though, being an introvert, as you know, is not always ideal. It does come with its downsides.
Now, first we need to get our definitions right. vocabulary.com defined introversion
as sometimes avoiding large groups of people, being more energized by time alone. Extroversion
was the opposite, feeling drained by time alone and being energized by time around others.
This is not to be confused with shyness. Shyness is correlated with introversion, but is not
caused by it. An introvert is more likely to be shy because they spend less time in
social scenarios, develop less social skills, and thus, develop shyness. But the two don't
necessarily have to go together. So here's seven ways for you to succeed in dating as
an introvert.
Number one, learn to love your introversion. I meet so many introverts who are ashamed
and wanting to get away from the fact that they're an introvert. They hate it, or they
look at extroverts and go, why can't I be like that? Their introversion becomes a point
of conjecture. Instead, learn to love your introversion. Appreciate the fact that as
an introvert, you're likely to be more observant. You're likely to be a better listener. You're
likely to be more sensitive, potentially even likely to be a better leader because you might
give people and employees a longer leash, meaning they can work on their own and be
in their own creative energies. There's a lot to love about being an introvert. So first
and foremost, appreciate your introversion.
Number two, empathize with extroverts. So just in the same way you want to learn to
love your introversion, you want to realize that extroverts don't have it so good. Imagine
sometimes being still awkward when you're an extrovert. There's plenty of awkward extroverts
around. People look at them funny. Imagine the pressure to always be the life of the
party. Imagine having people think you're superficial or surfacy because you're an extrovert.
Imagine always feeling drained by time on your own. These are all real struggles that
extroverts deal with every day. So along with loving your introversion and realizing that
it can be an amazing gift, realize that extroverts have it tough too.
Number three, create a social schedule and stick to it. So this was huge for me as an
introvert. And if you're an introvert, I would really encourage you to take this on. Basically
creating a schedule of social events, so that you can go out and get your social time and
practice your social skills. Now, one problem I had as an introvert who knew I was introverted
was I felt guilty about saying no to things. I felt guilty about not attending events,
about always turning my friends down about wanting to stay home with my cat. So here's
what you do, you set a schedule and then you don't have to feel guilty the rest of the
time. I'm going to go out twice this week. I'm going to go to one thing on a Friday night
and I'm going to go to a big Sunday lunch or Sunday session and that's it. I don't have
to feel guilty about staying home on Saturday night. I've already done my social time this
week.
Doing this not only allows you to grow the social skills and get out of the house form
those extroverted habits, but it allows you to feel great at the time you're still at
home. No guilt whatsoever.
Number four, don't try to dominate conversations. People can smell insecurity from a mile off,
and if you're an introvert who's trying to dominate conversations in an extroverted social
circle, you don't look secure and you're not impressing anyone. People can appreciate the
quiet observant person. If you say something and if you want to say something, get in there,
participate in the conversation, but don't try to dominate. It's not going to be a natural
state for you.
Number five, speak loudly. This is important and this is something extroverts or introverts
both have got to be able to do for confidence. Learn diaphragmatic breathing. Speak out of
your diaphragm. Speak loudly and impactfully. You're not going to run over the conversations.
You're not going to dominate conversations, but you want people to listen when you do.
Everyone loves the lion in the corner who's quiet until he roars. Be that person. Make
sure the few words that you do say have impact. Get people listening and show the confidence
that you can have as an introvert.
Number six, connect with other introverts who want to become more social. This is one
of the biggest things that I did that helped me grow social skills as an introvert, I had
to connect with others who wanted to push their comfort zone as well. Most introverts,
most people just want to stay in their comfort zone. My challenge to you is to find other
introverts who want to challenge themselves. I hated clubs, but I was fortunate to be able
to find a couple of other introverted people who may be, even though they hated clubs as
well, all wanted to learn social skills with me, so we all went to social events together.
We were all on the same page. We all pushed ourselves to talk to others and we all grew
as a result. The better you can find connections with people who want to grow and especially
people who understand your introversion but don't want to use it as an excuse, the more
confidence you're going to be able to generate as an introvert.
And number seven, never again use your introversion as an excuse for shyness. Introversion doesn't
have to equal shyness. I know because I've been there. Being an introvert who can love
being on their own with their cat and having social skills is literally the best of both
worlds. Now I get it isn't easy. You're going to embarrass yourself in some conversations.
You're going to be uncomfortable in some of these social events. You might not be speaking
all that much or all that confidently for quite some time at first, but I've been there.
I know where you're coming from, and I can tell you stick to that social schedule because
in the end, it is so fucking worth it to finish. I want to give you one last little quote from
urban dictionary. Not all introverts are shy. In contrast to what many people believe, some
have great social lives, love spending time with their friends, and just need time to
recharge afterwards.
That's the sort of introvert you want to aspire to be if you want to have success in dating
and with social confidence in general. So never let your introversion hold you back.
I can tell you there's no greater gift as being an introvert. And then having that ability
to connect with all this, it really has made me truly happy in my life and I know it will
for you as well.
Well, thank you for watching. I hope you enjoyed the video. Let me know your thoughts, comments,
questions, everything in the space below. You know what to do. Hit the thumbs up button,
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don't forget to download the first chapter of my book now available for free in the description.
Thanks again for watching and I'll see you in the next video really soon.
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