[ Music playing ]
-So, self-esteem and body issues.
At least when I hear that as a topic,
my first thought goes like,
"Oh, that's normally a conversation for women."
But at least for me, I definitely have
a lot of those issues.
You know, I'm not the tallest guy.
I'm not like long and lean and ripped in this kind of way,
and how much of a man am I or can I be --
-Could you even be with the, like --
-Yeah.
-I mean, that just, like, hit a chord with me
because the thing that I've always heard was to be, like,
a good-looking guy is tall, dark, and handsome.
And I'm like, well, I only have two out of three, so...
[ Laughter ]
...you know, like, what am I gonna do?
But it asks that question,
like how desirable could I possibly be?
-I obviously don't fit that mold.
And I never have.
-I see pictures of, like, male models on Instagram.
I could be doing better.
-Sometimes I feel like, "Oh, my God, I feel so good!"
And then sometimes I feel like
I don't even want to come out from under the covers.
-How about you guys?
-Yeah. I mean, my dad was a star athlete in high school,
and he is a much bigger dude than I am.
He's got maybe 5 inches on me.
And he's built.
And growing up, he definitely noticed that
and would bring it to my attention as often as he could.
-Awesome.
-And he'd always be like, "Are you -- What are you do--
Are you not eating? Are you not eating enough?"
And he'd, like, just put food in my face, and I'd be like,
"I eat everything!"
I'm better now, but actually, when I was in college,
I was getting really bad acid reflux,
and I was having really bad digestive problems.
It turned out I didn't, like,
have a problem per se with acid reflux.
I had a problem with overeating, and I would overeat,
and I'd go to the gym, and I'd gorge myself,
trying to get bigger.
And I did, but I didn't get taller.
-I think by freshman year of college,
I was like 245, and I --
At the end of my freshman year,
like, I got a talking-to from my department about my weight,
and they were like, "You're, like, a pop singer,
and you're a tenor. You're never gonna work."
So, I signed up for this clinic out here.
I lost like 60 pounds in 2 1/2 months...
-Wow. -Whoa.
-...going to this clinic, and I came back to college,
and they were like, "Well, now you're in between skinny
and fat, so you need to decide what you're gonna do."
-...them. -Wow.
-It was this, like, crazy year,
and it's very embarrassing as a man to say, but I had,
like, a full-on eating disorder.
I got so skinny at one point,
I came back to LAX for spring break,
and my dad walked by me in the airport
because I had gotten so skinny that he didn't recognize me.
And I was like, "Dad!"
And he turns around, and he looks at me --
and my dad's a doctor -- and he looked at me.
And I'll never forget. He said, "You look so good."
-Oh, geez.
-I've always been really skinny.
You know, that's always kind of been something that I was, like,
sensitive about a lot growing up.
And, you know, no matter what,
no matter how much exercise or anything,
I just can't put on weight very easily.
And so, I would always kind of --
I find myself, like, tending to go towards,
growing up, these guys, kind of like Iggy Pop
and Keith Richards and, you know, that style of man,
that I was just like, "Oh, those guys" --
kind of gave me hope that, like, you know,
you don't have to be built to make a splash and to be a man
and to be, you know, desirable, I guess, you know?
-What my body should look like
and what your body should look like
are completely different things.
I don't know that there is a perfect
what a male body should look like
because I've seen beautiful male and female bodies
in all different shapes and sizes.
-I think the media has kind of fueled the emphasis
of us looking a certain way.
I think before, it was about your swagger
and your confidence.
Now, it's becoming more physical.
The "300," you know, movies.
-Yeah. I think it's amazing
that even when you watch something like the "300,"
you're like, "All right, obviously these are guys
who just live in the gym, blah-blah-blah."
And that's all true, but even if you live in the gym,
you're not gonna look like that.
-Yeah. They're gonna spray in those abs to shadow it,
to make it look... -Amazing.
-...like a comic book. -Yeah.
-Yeah. I mean, like, the Old Spice commercial
is a perfect example.
She's like, "Look at your man. Now look at me.
Now look back at your man," and I'm like, "Please don't."
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, the media.
Oh, gosh, how does the media define our bodies?
I think it sucks that the media defines our bodies
because it doesn't give us a whole lot of room
for us to be ourselves and be comfortable in who we are.
These things that you have to have, like, a giant c-ck
and you have to have these heaving, giant muscles.
I think it makes those of us -- I include myself in that --
that are diminutive and skinny, small dudes, like,
it...us up, and it --
It's taken me -- And I still struggle with it to this day.
I'm [mutters] years old,
and I struggle with it every, single day.
-So, why, right?
This whole body-image thing, right?
Regardless of what community, what culture you're in
and why you want to look so good,
you know, what is that about?
-Once, I lost a bunch of weight, and I'll tell you,
when you go from a truck-sized body to a little-guy body,
people don't get out of your way.
And it does affect you to the point that, you know,
thank God, I put it all back on.
[ Laughter ]
And now people will get out of your way.
-I think it all just goes back to, like, that caveman mentality
of, like, the bigger, stronger, more prominent male
is gonna be the one to attract the most women.
-Well, I think also, going back to, like, wanting to,
you know, be a presence in your loved one's life
that makes them feel safe wherever you're going, you know,
in whatever situation,
that you would be able to handle the situation,
take care of it in whatever way that it is.
You know, so I think, you know, growing up as, like,
a skinny guy, that was something that I had to figure out,
like, what other ways can I make somebody feel safe?
-We need to be willing to broaden the definition
of what handsome and sexy means.
In the beginning, when we were cavemen,
it was very important that you had a mate
that could protect you
and protect your children from other cavemen.
Physical strength doesn't do that anymore.
The future is...dead
unless we can figure out a way to live together on this planet.
And that means negotiation, listening.
That means diplomacy.
That's where real strength comes from now.