a little over a month ago a young man
left this comment say I affiliate with
the LGBT group I'm bi and my boyfriend
is trans and gay
I've been scrutinized by friends and
family because of my choices I don't
feel comfortable living in my own home
why am I being scrutinized for wanting
to be happy I remember seeing that
comment I read most of them but on that
day I chose to talk about something else
a few weeks later I received another
comment say the boy that posted this was
my boyfriend three days ago he took his
own life I know how much he loved your
videos and like so many others I'm sure
he tried to get your attention can I ask
you a favor
send a message to your viewers make it
clear to them that suicide isn't a fix
and that they're never alone it's hard
to talk about this it's hard and
confusing first because it upsets me
even though I know it's not about me
it's about pain and it's painful to see
words written that no longer have a body
or a face or a smile or a beating heart
behind it's also hard to talk about
suicide because I know that it spreads
like a virus that hearing about someone
who took their own life can make it seem
like a real option for someone else and
I don't want that to happen but I want
to talk to you about pain especially if
you're in pain right now or you know
someone that's dealing with it
first I want to acknowledge how real
that pain is that psychic pain is just
as horrible and unbearable as physical
pain and the way to think about that
pain is not from the perspective of
having to live with it for the rest of
your life it's from the perspective of
getting better and recovering from it
which you will ending your life may seem
like a way to end the pain but it
doesn't end it it spreads it out to
other people people that care about you
people that you might not even know yet
and those people have to live with that
pain for the rest of their lives
you might not care about that right now
but it is true you would also be
destroying something incredibly special
you might not be able to see that right
now and these words might make you sick
but you are incredibly special you're
also not alone in the pain that you feel
there are many other people around you
that are also drowning and it is as
serious as drowning and I wish you could
see it on the outside as gasping and
thrashing around to try to stay above
water but you can't always see it but
that is what is happening and you have
to let other people know about it and
you have to look for signs of it and
others pain needs to be talked about
openly
I understand that there's feelings of
shame around pain but some people can't
tolerate talking about it that some
people say that it's not that bad and
some people think that talking about
pain is a sign of weakness and I'll say
things like suck it up but that's
it's irresponsible and it's
if you haven't experienced that
kind of pain then it's time to start
listening and trying to understand it
when you start talking about the pain
that you feel you're going to start
accessing the things that are going to
help you and it's not going to be easy
it might take time but it will get
better when you start trying to reach
out you might even feel worse for a
moment you might feel worse because
you're trying and you're not getting
better right away and that can bring out
feelings of hopelessness but it is not
hopeless and you will get better I'm
saying this to you not as a licensed
professional but as someone who has
experienced a lot of pain who's been
through it and has emerged on the other
side I'm not ashamed of it it doesn't
make me weak and in fact I think it
makes me more capable
I've been curled up on the floor holding
my gut like I've been stabbed crying so
hard that I couldn't breathe so hard
that my sweater and the carpet was
covered in snot I've been to therapy
I've seen therapists that weren't a fit
that didn't get me that didn't
understand me and some were frankly
idiots and I left them and I tried again
and again until I found somebody that
was a fit that worked for me
they are out there but you have to find
them and it works but even then I had
moments where I was afraid that it
wouldn't work I had a feeling that I was
moving backwards but I was not moving
backwards I tried talking to a lot of my
friends some weren't that receptive and
some couldn't handle the conversation
but I kept trying until I found somebody
who was willing to listen and talk that
person might end up not being your best
friend might be someone else but you
will find them I tried all kinds of
things tried to develop a toolbox I
tried to learn how to talk about pain
how to ask for help how to get support
and when I felt like those tools weren't
working in the moment like I was
drowning again I tried medication
lexapro it helped me quite a bit helped
me get to a place where I was treading
water again where I could continue to
fight find more tools and get stronger
many people that know me intimately
don't know these things about me they
didn't know when I was going through it
and they might be surprised to hear
about it now but I did get better and it
didn't happen in a flash moment it took
time and a lot of war
work on the help of a lot of great
people and you will get to the other
side of that pain it's worth it if you
have experiences of getting through pain
please talk about them there's a lot of
great resources out there I've tried to
list a few some might not be right for
you but keep looking and if someone sent
this to you because they think you need
it remember that they love you and they
care and they're going to help you get
better