-Our next guest is a talented actress and comedian you know
from shows like "Shrill" and "I Think You Should Leave"
as well as the film "Together Together."
You can see her next in "The Lost City,"
which is in theaters March 25th.
Let's take a look. -This is Allison.
She is our new social-media manager, and she's going to be
helping us target that younger demographic,
meaning women in their 30s who wish they were in their 20s.
-Hey, what's up?
I took over your social.
So this morning you tweeted "Where my ladies at?
Meet me at Ballroom G at 5:00 p.m.
#Shawnmendes.
#Gagging to meet you all."
-Please welcome to the show Patti Harrison, everybody!
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Welcome to the show, Patti.
-Thank you. -This is a very big film.
Sandra Bullock, Daniel Radcliffe,
Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum. -Yeah.
-Filmed in the Dominican Republic.
-Randy. -Randy?
Who's Randy? -The goat.
-The goat? There's a goat. [ Laughter ]
Had you worked with a goat before?
-In almost every project I've taken on.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-There's been a goat.
-That's sort of on your rider.
The thing you need.
-Yeah. Inclusion rider.
That's what Frances meant when she stood up and demanded that.
-She said, "Every film should have at least one goat."
I can imagine some goats are easier to work with than others.
How was Randy?
-Randy was -- [ Sighs ]
I feel like, you know, I just want to be a more honest person,
especially in, like, today's climate.
I feel like I don't want -- I don't think people
have the bandwidth for fakeness anymore.
[ Laughter ]
That being said, I don't know if Randy's handler is listening.
I don't know if Randy's handler will be offended by the fact
that I don't think Randy's name is actually Randy.
That's the character's name. [ Laughter ]
I didn't even take the time to learn the actor's name,
which is, like, you know,
high-spectrum narcissism kind of crap.
-That is a little lousy that you didn't go out of your way to --
-Well, Randy didn't have a lot of credits.
And, like, I was like... [ Laughter ]
-So it's not about it being a goat versus a human.
It was just that as an actor, he hadn't done a lot.
-Yeah. It was like, could I either corner Sandra Bullock
and try to network with her until she dies,
or should I do that to Randy?
-Right. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, the choice there is obvious.
-And when I say "until she dies,"
I mean I network her to death.
[ Laughter ] I ask her if she wants --
-So within a matter of days, we might be mourning?
-Yeah, I'm asking her if she wants to get coffee
so I can pick her brain about the biz
for about four or five days. -Is that your dream,
to reach the point where someone comes up to you and says,
"I'd love to get coffee and pick your brain about the business"?
-I mean, I've had people do that in, like,
a more dark and disturbing way.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. On dating apps sometimes.
I live in L.A., and it's a very specific place to live
because everybody there, there's not a lot of, I think --
and I'm generalizing the city, again.
You know, sorry, Randy, sorry, the city of L.A.
But a lot of people are actors or aspiring to do so.
-Yeah. -So if they recognize me
in any capacity, which it's like,
I don't think I'm a famous person,
but in L.A., a lot of people
will just have this hyperawareness.
-Mm-hmm. -So I'm transgender and I've had
guys on dating apps be like, you know,
"I've never dated a trans woman
and I'm not romantically attracted to trans women,
but I think you're really funny
and I'd like to pick your brain about comedy."
[ Laughter ]
Which is, like, so horny.
-What a turn-on.
-It's really good. [ Laughter ]
I'm sorry.
There's so many boners in the audience right now.
-Every point of the checklist there
of like, how to attract --
-I actually like it now. I didn't at first.
That's all to say it's a positive thing.
It used to be a negative thing for me,
but that's actually what I'm attracted to now,
so keep doing it. [ Laughter ]
-You were profiled in "The New Yorker."
I mean, obviously, it's a very esteemed magazine.
Did it feel like a career achievement
to be written about in "The New Yorker"?
-I mean, it felt cool.
As someone who doesn't read at all and hasn't --
[ Laughter ] I can read.
[ Laughter ] I'm not one of those people
that thinks it's funny to be illiterate
'cause I think that's a hard life to live.
No, don't laugh. It's a really hard life to live.
-Mm-hmm. [ Laughter ]
-But I don't read.
I can and I choose not to. [ Laughter ]
-I feel like that's a very powerful stance
that not a lot of people take.
Like, to go through all the work of learning
how to do it and then like, "No."
[ Laughter ] -Well, it felt really -- Yeah.
I try and inspire as many people not to read as possible.
[ Laughter ]
I say if you go to someone's house you're on a date with
and you see that they have books, run.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
So, a lot of people sometimes, I think, will posture to show
how learned they are by saying
they subscribe to "The New Yorker."
Is it safe to say you don't subscribe to "The New Yorker"?
-What are you trying to get me to say?
[ Laughter ]
-Like, what sort of mail --
Do you get any mail that you're into?
-I get my old roommate Mitra's mail a lot.
-Yeah. Do you go through it?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
I slice it right open.
My mouth is watering when the mail comes.
I'm like, at the mail slot,
my eyes looking up through the thing.
The mailman's like, "No, no," and I always grab his arm.
[ Laughter ] It's like "It," Pennywise.
-He should have learned at this point
not to get his arm so close to the slot.
-Yeah, my mailman puts his whole arm in my mail slot.
-I think that's his turn-on, is to get grabbed through the slot.
-Hey, it's whatever. -Whatever.
I heard you're really good at drawing cars.
-I was really good at drawing cars.
-When was your peak?
-Probably like 2008, 2009.
-Can you still draw a car?
-Maybe. Not? We don't know. What kind of car?
-We heard this from Bowen Yang, that you could draw a car.
-Why is she talking about me?
[ Laughter ]
Is she here? -No.
-In the building?
-Prob-- No, I don't think so.
I think they're on hiatus. Right, Wally?
-Yeah. -Yeah, not here.
-Can I cuss? -Yeah.
-Can I call her Little Miss Bitch?
[ Laughter ]
I'm kidding.
Wait. What -- -A car.
-Well, what kind of car? -Your best car.
-Best car? -Like what car are you best at?
-I don't -- I can't -- like --
-A Honda Accord.
[ Laughter ]
-I don't -- Okay. I haven't seen one in awhile.
Is it okay if...
Okay. This is like a 1999 Honda Accord.
I'm going to try and speed-draw this.
And yeah, I do have a brand deal with Honda,
so that's why this is happening. [ Laughter ]
Okay, see, I'm already --
Literally, I have not drawn a car...
Okay. This is kind of looking like...
-Oh, well, there we go.
I didn't know what was going on until I saw that.
[ Laughter ]
She just did a wheel, which kind of gave me a sense --
-Is this really -- Does the audience love to guess like --
-We do a lot of like market research about our show
and people said, "We want to see people draw more
without knowing what the drawing is."
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-"We don't want to see the drawing.
We just want to watch someone draw."
They're like, "We want to watch."
-Okay, so this is what I'm doing so far.
-That's pretty good, I think. -Okay.
And I'm just going to finish it off here.
And if it's okay, I am...
I am making the cabin of the car breasts,
but they do have a bra on. [ Laughter ]
Is that --
-That's fantastic. -Wait, I didn't finish it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's really good.
That is very -- Look at that!
Wow! Wow!
Patti Harrison, everybody.