You know there few things as hard as the loss of a child. I've got a friend that I think
can help us with that. Pam Hansen today on Live on Purpose TV. There are few things harder.
I can even imagine a lot of things harder and I've got really great imagination. Harder
than losing a child and I'm so sorry that this is something that has come up for you.
And whatever context that has in your life. As I anticipate making this video, I know
exactly who I needed to invite. Pam, that's why you're here. This is my good friend Pam.
Thanks for having me here. Let me give you little background on who Pam is. She was on
my podcast, do you remember that? Yeah, I do. This is years ago. I invited Pam to come
on my show on Live on Purpose radio. In fact you can link to my interview with Pam right
down in the description below. And listen to our conversation. We had a little more
time there to talk about some of the history. Yeah. And the context on all of this. Pam
is the author of this book - Running with Angels- which I think inspired thousands of
people to see some new possibilities in their life. Running with Angels and then she followed
it up with this one - Finding the Angel Within - which is a wonderful little book about self
worth and discovering the value of that's inside of all of us. But the context and Pam,
maybe you can share some of your story around this. As much as you'd like to. All of this
projects started with the loss of not just one but two children. Which I love the cover
of your book because as you can see it shows a young woman here that's running and there
were two reflected shadows in the lake symbolizing two children that you had loss. Yes. Pam,
is there hope? There certainly is. We loss our twin daughter, it's been 20 years. And
it does get easier. The pain never goes away of course. But it does get easier and then
17 years ago, today, we went it for our routine ultrasound. I was pregnant with one boy, and
we discovered that there was no heart beat. And he had passed away so, he would be actually
17 years on the 11th of April. And I never thought that I had to bury 2 children little
than one. And the first daughter Emily, it was really easy to reach for food for comfort.
We had her twin has to eat every 2 hours, he was so little and I wasn't doing very much
to take care of my need to myself and in turn, it was hard. You kind of do with what you
have. We had another daughter that had arthritis. And caring for her when she was a little girl
was very difficult because she was in so much pain. I did what I could. You were. But I
neglected to just take care of my baby sick need. You know the need to exercise, the need
to get out of the bed. And I have a very supportive husband. So finally with the loss of our son,
I started to walk and that first walk was like 5 minutes, and I turn around, and came
home. I just didn't want to do anything. But have my babies. Right. And I kept going out
just because I wanted to feel better. That first 5 minute walk, turned into 45 minutes
of walking, praying, crying, listening to music, walking with my husband, walking with
friends. It seemed friendly to be a positive outlook o r positive way to express my grief.
Yes. And that led to huge weight loss and achievement of dream running in marathon.
Running a marathon? Yeah. And that led to two more marathons and I've had my knees replaced,
not because of that, because of other things and that kind of....You what Pam just remembering
the story that you shared with me about this. Because you were depressed. You were in a
dark place and you know what this is a natural response. I think it's a normal response to
an abnormal event that occurred. And as you loss those children, especially the first
one. It triggered a process where you were feeling with it and probably the best you
way you knew how to deal with it. And we do this as human beings. We just go where we
think the relief is going to be. Hmm. And for you, you had turn to some food and kind
of closing into your self a bit. Yes. Which caused some predictable cause some predictable
consequences in your health, in your weight, and just your mental health as well. Right.
And I remember you keep sharing a story about being with your family watching the runners
come in on a race. Isn't that in Salt Lake City I think? It was. And one of the runners
came by which turned out to be Hawk Harper. You probably don't know who Hawk Harper is
but he is a legend in the running industry here locally in our community. But he pointed
you out and said something. Would you share that with our listeners. We did.We were waiting
for my husband to come down in the marathon route and so we watch released all these runners
come down and this man, who I didn't know was Hawk at that time. You didn't know him.
I didn't know it. ANd he turned to me and said, "you should be out here." And I was
thinking, he's talking to all of us here that we should be out of the trail with him. Then
I realize he was just talking to me. It was you. Well here you are, you;re depressed,
you're overweight, you're having a struggle internally with this loss and he call you
out. Yeah. And you took that seriously. I did. Because I knew I wanted to be out there.
Running a marathon was a dream since I was in high school. I volunteered at the finish
line at the desert news marathon. which is held every July 24th. And since then, there
was always an excuse not to do it. I'd never had a runners body. You know runners you see
they're just... And I'm going to be battling my weight, my whole life. You know now I exercise
everyday. I tried to eat healthy. It has become part of who you are and part of your message
to the world. And it's not about having the runners body. You weren't being predisposed
or whatever it is. What you're demonstrating here first Pam I think is start contrast.
It's normal and natural to experience the depression, right? The self doubt, the grief
that comes of losing a child. That's the way it's supposed to feel. How we deal with it
can be healthy and adaptive and productive or it can be less healthy adaptive and productive.
And you've experienced both. Right, I've done it both ways and believe me, the second way
I did it through walking and just taking that time to take care of myself. Not necessarily
you know going to get my nails done every week or things like that it's just the basic
needs. Stop for a drink. Spiritually. physically, mentally it's so important. Right. Your second
book, Finding the Angel Within. You've talked about what you've learned during the process,
how to really value yourself. Which put you on position not only to deal with the grief
and a loss but also to show up in some powerful ways for those who were still with you. And
this was important for you Pam. You had other kids. Right. I did. You had somethings to
pay attention and you still do. So it's important to acknowledge this isn't just about us. How
we deal with our own trauma and grief affects everybody around us too. So can I just tooth
your horn for a minute? You know what I've seen this lady do, I picture it like this
Pam. We go along through life and suddenly a whole pile of stuff is just dumped on us,
right? It's not that you signed up for this so you wanted it, but here it is. You know
you lose a child and you experience all of that natural pain and grief that comes through
that kind of experience. That's the stuff that being dumped on you. Now what are you
going to do with all these stuff that was dumped on you? Well you wrote a couple of
books that are changing people's lives. You are affecting people in ways you could've
imagine for all of these. Well, that's actually why I wrote the second one because I heard
from thousands of people that said, I feel the same way about either the weight or the
losing of a child, losing a loved one, or just having some challenges that that couldn't
deal with. And who doesn't? Yeah, we all have challenges, of course. But it was a need to
hear those stories and I think too that when we are willing to expose ourselves to you
know get out there, that other people are willing to share their stories as well. Well
you took a risk...in putting yourself out and you still do. Pam now is serving it's
really phenomenal ways like you and I had a chance recently to serve on the board of
the non profit organization that provides some powerful educational programs for kids.
Novel principles foundation. Pam you're sponsoring races every year. We do it 5k. Crossing the
finish line of my first marathon was so thrilling that I thought, everybody's, got to experience
this. You got to give people the opportunity. Not marathon but a 5k, the proceeds will go
to the Women and Children's services in Utah Valley. Beautiful. And there's a program called
Angel Watch. When parents discovered their children are probably not going to make it,
this wonderful people go in and provides support, they make mold of little hands and feet and
create a memorable experience. So that there's a you know again a positive way because there
are so many choices we have upon learning that you're going to lose a child you have.
And I've seen every year, families that come to this "Running with Angels 5k, that will
be held in May this year that there's a positive outlet for that grief. And there are families
that are saying, "you know what, this helped us to talk about it". And a lot of times it
is so hard to know what to say and allow others in. Yes, that feeling of community is really
a healing factor and knowing that there's someone else that going through that same
challenge. Not exactly the same obviously they're all little different. But there's
nothing that we can experience in life that hasn't already been experienced by somebody
on the planet. Who might be available to reach out and help. The reason why I mentioned the
race Pam is because you've taken this pile of stuff that was dumped on you and you've
used it as construction material to make something that's productive and helpful. And that's
one of the keys I think to do healing and dealing with such a significant loss. Yeah.
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Folks Pam Hansen. You can connect to her in
the description below, find out more about what kinds of things she's doing to deal with
this. And I would love to hear from you and listen to your story. Leave a comment down
below or get connected with Pam that way. Thank you. Hard stuff but I'm so glad that
there is hope. I think that you might have some stories about hope that would be beneficial
too. If you wanted to share those below, we'd love to have you engage in this conversation.