- The truth of why your spouse
doesn't support your business.
Do you sometimes feel like as an entrepreneur,
you're out there, you're working hard,
you're putting in long hours, you're taking a lot of stress,
you're trying to provide for the family,
but sometimes maybe your spouse doesn't understand you or
in some cases they even sabotage you and they hold you back
and they prevent you from going to the next level.
Today we're gonna share with you why that is,
how that came about, and how you're gonna solve that.
(upbeat music)
- I think it's very simple, lack of communication,
because you never tell your spouse what are you working on.
- I think part of it is, one thing about our relationship,
we are very transparent, that ...
I think a lot of times-- - Sometimes too transparent.
- I agree, like she knows, not like,
because I think in terms of husband and wife,
sometimes the husband or the wife
is out there in the business world
and you're trying to make money,
you're trying to build a business,
but you tell something to your spouse,
now maybe you're thinking, oh he or she won't understand,
or maybe I don't want to burden him or her with
what's going through like all the stress, I will take it on.
I don't think that's very healthy.
With Jenny, I tell her everything.
I mean she knows every single client that I have,
she knows every single partner that I have,
knows them very, very well,
she knows all my investments, she knows everything.
- Even though I haven't met some of them.
- Yeah, she knows everything.
So that's what we talk about.
In fact, I think in our communication because with
what we do, we talk about business probably 80% of the time.
- Yeah, yes we do. - 80% of the time.
We're talking about business, we're having dinner,
we're having lunch, we're talking about business,
we're talking about how about this,
how are we gonna make it better or a scenario that we have
and we solve the problems together versus
I think even with my main tease sometimes I see the,
let's say the husband and wife,
let's say the wife is a house wife.
The husband sometime feels like, yeah but you know
she's at home, she doesn't understand, she's watching TV,
or she's taking care of the kids,
I don't want to bother with her,
and I don't even want to bother trying to explain to her
because she won't get it anyway.
It's not her job to get it,
it's your job to communicate what you're doing.
If you want their support,
I always say as the lead of the family,
you've got to sell him or her,
you've gotta sell your spouse, you gotta close your spouse.
If you're gonna go and take that new leap of faith,
take that risk, you want your spouse to support you,
well if you can't even sell your spouse on a vision,
how you gonna sell everybody else on the vision?
How you gonna get your employees,
how you gonna get your team to work towards
together with you on the vision?
You can't even sell the ones who's closest to you.
- I gotta talk from a wife perspective.
Just imagine, let's say we're at home all day, pretend,
and then taking busy with the kids, or busy with the family,
and then the husband's working outside
and then coming back home--
- Late. - Late,
and then we have nothing to talk about.
Like sometimes maybe from a wife perspective,
I wanna tell you what I've gone through today,
but then the husband's so busy,
he don't wanna listen. - I'm so tired,
I don't wanna hear about it.
- Then he's like, "Okay so what did you do today, tell me,"
and the husband's, "Oh I'm so tired, we'll talk
"about it another time." - I don't wanna talk about it.
- From a wife perspective, it's very frustrating.
At least you could tell me what is not going through,
like what is not going right, what's not working?
I can help you in a way.
Maybe I'm not good like helping solve it 100%,
but at least you can tell me a little, I can try to help,
and then sometimes when you're actually,
"Baby I closed this deal," or something like that,
you could let us know too and then we will celebrate
together and sometimes you need celebration right?
It can't just be working, working.
Then sometimes, the thing is ...
It's funny, I sometimes give him very feminine perspective
which he never, never thought about.
- Yeah, I agree.
- It's brand new kind of perspective.
Then I gotta tell you, naturally,
women can read people better.
- Yeah, I agree. - Which means sometimes
men stuck with how come this deal is not going through,
this is not really, I tried to come into it this side,
doesn't get me, but maybe talk to you wife a little bit.
Maybe wife knows, "Mmm, maybe he's thinking that way
"you never thought about, how about try that," right?
- I think the whole thing with this, how we all started is
I know when I was speaking or traveling a lot
and we see each other less and she was at first,
"Oh how come we can't see each other as often?"
Then it's all, "Because I'm traveling,
"I'm speaking somewhere, I'm flying,"
"But why don't you bring me along?"
I said, "Bring you along, like how does that work?"
I don't know, and we actually thought well maybe
we'll try it once, and she was actually kind enough to
volunteer, she kind of helped me at an event.
When she showed up because our relationship,
the trust is already there, I don't have to worry so much.
Now keep in mind, you had no experience running an event,
it was a pretty big event. - No, no.
- But she was just trying her best,
of course she made some mistakes, doesn't matter,
but the heart was there and she was helping out,
and then I thought, okay this is nice.
- Because you were hiring an event planner
for that right? - I had an event planner.
And at time it was a lot of things were going wrong,
a lot of things were going wrong but she stepped in
and said, "You know, why don't I help you?"
I said, "Appreciate that," and she did.
- I even find a friend to help me out too.
- That's awesome, and then afterwards
it was very, very successful.
Then after that, what's very interesting is
I started to get Jenny more and more involved in what I do.
Like to a point where, and of course,
she's so smart and so intuitive that
you picked up a lot of different things,
and from there, even now, almost every business meeting
that I bring her along, if I'm meeting with a new
partner, a new business person, always bring her along.
Now when I bring her along, she doesn't say much,
she just observe, but I always say she's like my,
what is it, the detector, like a detector.
Right always after the meeting, I'll say,
"What do you think of that guy?"
I would say, "I think that's a great guy,
"I think we can do some business together,"
and she's like, "No."
She's like, "That's no good."
I say, "What do you mean?
"I think he's confident, he seems to know what he's doing,"
and she will say, she would pick up things
that I would've never picked up.
At first as the successful entrepreneur I would say--
- Alpha male. - Alpha male.
Like, "No, no, no, you don't know what he's talking about,
"I know, come on I've been doing business a long time,
"I read people very well," and I do read people very well,
but so many times where I would read someone
and I look at it wrong, but she's, I would say like
99% of the time, maybe 99.9% of the time it's right.
Now it's easy for me.
I just say, "What do you think?"
If she says, "I like this person, do it,"
"I don't like this person, don't do it,"
it's very easy for me, very easy.
If you're planning to do any business with me,
get through her.
You get through her, you get through me.
She's like my filter.
When I listen to her, her woman intuition it's unbelievable.
Vice versa, so going back to the question that
if you're wife doesn't support you,
your husband doesn't support you, it's your fault
that you haven't convinced them, you haven't persuade them.
Or maybe, let's face it, as entrepreneur,
we have a lot of failures, we have a lot of ups and downs.
You go and present a new idea to your,
let's say to your wife, "Hey wife, I'm gonna do this."
I say, Dan you just fucked up the kind of thing
you try in the last 10 years, now you gotta try this again?
Right? It happens.
But guess what, every single time, as a lead,
as an entrepreneur, you gotta sell, and you know this,
and I know maybe you said it many time.
"Wife, this is it.
"This is the last time, I'm telling you.
"This is gonna be huge!" - "This is the big thing."
- "This is gonna be huge, it's gonna be awesome!"
Right, "Didn't you just say that like three months ago?"
"No that was that, forget that shit.
"This, this is real," and then he fail--
- Happens to him too.
- It happens to me many, many times, many, many times.
But law of the average, one of those incidents,
you will make it, and you'll make up one win,
that's the good thing about business,
one win can make up for all losses, just one.
I don't care if you screwed up five years,
10 years, 20 years, it doesn't matter.
I don't care if you're in debt, it doesn't matter.
One win can make up for all losses.
That's the great thing about business,
but just gotta keep swinging the bat,
hit the home run, keep swinging the bat.
Now on the other hand, sometimes in a relationship,
you have the spouse that's also entrepreneur.
So you're entrepreneur, the spouse is also like,
you have an alpha male and then you have alpha female.
Now what do you do?
- Wow, yeah.
That's another really tough situation,
but I would say, communicate, still communicate.
You gotta make it with each other and you gotta
know clearly role of what you are playing in your family.
It goes back to, we always talk, there's only one leader
in the family. - There can only be
one leader in the family.
- One leader, one follower.
It cannot be two leaders.
Two leaders are gonna fight. - Someone has to make
some sacrifices.
Someone has to to come to some kind of compromise.
You cannot be, "I wanna build my business,"
"I wanna build my huge business," well then,
you're not together, you're not one unit.
- When you marry or even when you're dating,
you could be marrying in the future,
you're basically like on the same boat.
You cannot say, "Let's go left," "Let's go right."
- One is like going that way, the other one's
going the opposite direction. - We only have one boat.
- Then what happens, the boat just spins.
You gotta go in the same direction,
because now two people together,
you have much more fire power.
Again, if your spouse doesn't support you,
it is your job, think about why doesn't they support you?
If you are honest, why doesn't they support you?
What about your track record in the past?
Have you shown them that you are someone
that they can rely on?
Have you shown them that they could trust you?
Have you shown them that you know what,
by helping my partner, that we would be successful as well?
Or you've been kind of sloppy with certain things
and then you don't have a track record.
One thing about Jenny can tell, she can always rely on,
if I say I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it.
I say I'm gonna provide, I'm gonna provide.
There's no, "Well what if Dan doesn't make it?
"What if he loses it? What if, what if?"
What's your perspective?
- I gotta say also, goes back to communication.
Even though you you've maybe had a lot of failures,
but then at the other partner, I think from women's,
we are always supportive in the beginning.
Doesn't matter what you do,
and sometimes when I see Dan's working really hard,
it feels really hard for me to blame him
on lacking of some things.
Like I know he's working so hard
and he's trying to be focused in the day,
so at the night, okay I'll understand that,
or tell me a lot of failures, I'll go,
oh okay maybe you had a tough day,
maybe let's forget about it and then I'll cheer you up
on another successful day.
If you don't say anything, wife is like,
"You don't tell me, I don't know what have you done."
Maybe you have been kicking ass outside,
or maybe you had 10 failed meetings,
but at least you're trying.
If you tell this to your wife,
I think your wife or the other partner
will be really appreciative
and then they wouldn't blame you down or maybe,
because without communication,
all they can do is imagination.
I imagine you didn't work hard because you failed this,
I imagine you didn't do--
- You slacked off.
- Yeah you slacked off, you didn't maybe talk enough,
or maybe you didn't try enough,
but the truth is maybe you already tried so hard.
I think it's very important.
- I think as a man, you've gotta show that conviction
to your wife, that even though when we were together,
I was already successful but not as successful as today,
I don't think we even thought about
I'd be this successful, I don't know.
- That was never planned, yeah.
- Never thought about, oh I'm gonna be this big,
but it's more like from the belief that,
and still the belief in her that if someone's
gonna make it that big, it's gonna be my husband.
- Yeah, I do feel that way.
- If she's met so many men, so many different people,
it's like you know there's someone
that can make it that big, it's gonna be my husband.
So are you conveying that kind of message to your wife?
Are you conveying that kind of conviction to your wife?
Are you conveying that kind of confidence to your wife?
I think that's what missing.
Don't so much blame your spouse, look within.
Look within yourself, the hey,
have I done everything I could to get the support?
Not even get the support, to earn the support.
You don't just get the support,
you've got to earn the right.
You've got to earn the support,
I think that's what the big message is.
Don't feel like, oh she's supposed to support me,
he's supposed to support me, he's my husband, she's my wife,
no put that aside, put that aside.
I bet, human beings, if you're truly strong enough
and you are truly reliable and you
truly can give your spouse the confidence,
guess what, they will support you.
If they don't, guess what, then probably,
they maybe not be the right spouse for you.
But I think most of the time, if you're truly strong,
they will more than happy,
why would they not see you do well?
Why would they not want you to succeed?
Why would you not want you to do the best for the family?
Of course they would, it's you haven't given them
the confidence, that's the issue.
That's the big message for today's episode.
Always remember, it's look within.
For something to change, first you have to change.
You want something to change, you have to change.
Comment below, maybe share with us your experience.
What's it like with your spouse or your relationship?
If you have any questions, also comment below.
If it's a good comment, it's a good question,
we're gonna cover that in the future episode of
Alpha Man and Smart Woman, okay?
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