Grif: I'm telling you, this is a whole new world for us.
New bases, new armor,
it's a fresh start.
Simmons: Then why the fuck are we still having the same stupid conversation?
Grif: Just think!
You know how people say:
"If I knew then what I knew now?"
Well that person is you,
and you already know it!
And the "then" is right now!
Simmons: What?
Grif: Don't you regret anything from our last assignment?
Like all your mistakes?
Simmons: I didn't make mistakes,
you made mistakes.
Grif: Exactly,
you set too high of a bar,
and that made it harder for the rest of us.
Simmons: There is no "rest of us,"
there's just you.
And, you suck.
The bar has nothing to do with it.
If the bar was set any lower,
you'd just hit your fucking head on it.
Or accidentally eat it.
Grif: You need to loosen up.
We got a good thing going here, I mean this is an easy gig.
We need to make the most of it.
You should question authority every now and then.
Simmons: What? I question authority.
Grif: Asking Sarge
"Can we have more work,"
is not questioning authority.
Simmons: Well Grif, technically, that is a questi-
Grif: Stop it.
Simmons: Besides, all you ever do is waste time.
Grif: Waste time?
I make time.
Every second Sarge spends arguing with me,
is one second I don't have to do something stupid like,
clean our guns 'er,
whatever it is he's always making you do.
Simmons: You dumbass, we have to maintain our equipment.
Otherwise-
Sarge: Gaw...
ah, son of a bitch!
Grif: See? That should keep him busy for at least like-
Sarge: Simmons, Grif!
Front and center!
Grif: Dammit.
Simmons: Nice plan, jackass.
Clearly it's working flawlessly.
Sarge: Hussle up, idiots!
Sarge: Men, we've go a situation on our hands here.
Grif: Hey Sarge?
Why do you always call us over when you wanna talk to us?
Sarge: What, you want me to write you a letter?
Grif: No, I- I mean there's two of us.
Wouldn't it be more efficient for you to come to us?
Instead, we always have to c-
Sarge: Shut up, Grif.
Grif: See,
I just bought us ten more seconds
before he can give us something to do.
Sarge: Grif, can it!
Grif: Five more seconds.
Simmons: Shut up.
Grif: Two more.
Sarge: We got a problem men.
I'm trying to upgrade the Warthog's weapon system.
Simmons: The weapon system?
Sarge: Yes.
As you'll recall,
on our last mission we encountered that magnetic pulse thingie.
So I thought we could upgrade the Warthog
to use that technology for a fancy new gun.
Simmons: You mean the pulse that knocked out our car and made it stall?
That technology?
Sarge: Yes.
Simmons: You wanna add that to the car,
and activate it on a regular basis?
Sarge: Mmhmm.
Simmons: Specifically in battle.
Sarge: Bingo bango.
Simmons: And you're sure that's a good idea.
Sarge: Why wouldn't it be?
Grif: Don't listen to him Sir, I think it's brilliant.
The enemy'll never see it coming.
Simmons: That's because it won't be coming!
It'll be shutting down every time we fire our primary weapon!
Grif: Like I said,
brilliant.
Sarge: Our problem is
that we still don't have the power online in the base!
Simmons: Right.
Sarge: So I'm forced to use only my hand tools.
I can't get anything done like this.
Simmons: You want us to get the generators running
so you can use your power tools?
Sarge: No!
So I can use the radio to call Lopez,
have'm come do it for me.
Grif: Nice.
Wait, our radios work.
Simmons: Not our helmet radios dumbass, the long range ones.
The people who were here before us disabled them all.
Sarge: It seems to me that Blue Base is online...
Sarge: We need to get someone over there, see how they did it.
Simmons, that'll be you.
Simmons: Why me?
Sarge: I don't think Grif could possibly figure out how electricity works.
I'm not even certain he knows what it is.
Grif: The man's right,
I have no idea.
Simmons: *sigh* Whatever.
Grif: No, seriously, I have no idea.
I always thought it was some kind of invisible magic.
Simmons: Shut up.
Sarge: Oh, and see if you can figure out what they've been up to over there!
They've been pretty quiet lately.
Simmons: Fine.
Grif: Okay, great.
Now that he's gone,
how 'bout we enjoy a little "us" time.
Kick back,
make some margaritas-
Sarge: Grif,
I need you up on top of the base.
See if you can figure out why ours isn't firing that blue boltamajiggy.
Grif: *gulp* You mean, up there,
by that airlift and, and the flag?
Sarge: No,
I mean on top.
Grif: Um,
do we have a ladder?
Sarge: Oh, sure, an 800 foot ladder?
Of course not ya idiot!
Now get to shimmyin'.
Simmons: Greetings fellow websurfer, be sure to subscribe to our channel before you go.
It'll be just like we're friends.
Not that I...need friends...
(Nervous laughter)
Please don't go.