If I were to interview you for a job, for employment, I wouldn't ask for your resume.
No, I wouldn’t ask for it...
How good you are at jamming the copy machine with paper, and typing up a crappy cover letter
that nobody cares about, tells me nothing about you.
Instead, what I would do is ask you what your dance shoes are.
What you choose to wear on your feet, while you dance, tells me everything I need to know
about you.
Let's find out who you really are…
Before we start though, if you want to watch more dance comedy videos that make you laugh
and be happy, then please subscribe to my channel.
Lets get on with the Video.
Pointe shoes What do pointe shoes say about you?
It says you think you're from the future, where you live in a space station, and bad
dancers are extinct.
If dancing were the Hunger Games, then dancing in pointe shoes means you'd live in district
1, and you'd be damn proud of it!
All the other dancers secretly want to be you, and they hate themselves, because they’re
not you.
I don’t blame them.
I’d hate me too if I sucked at dancing.
The only reason they’re revolting, is because they don't live in district 1.
You don't see anyone district 1 rioting do you?
No, because you don't riot.
You barely look like you’re breaking a sweat while you dance.
Instead, a lifetime of dancing, which you were forced to start at the age of 4, has
led you to be hard working, and immune to pain.
Lets ignore the fact you didn’t have to care about poor people's problems, like how
to afford 10-15 years of child dance training.
I’d be like, 1000 times better too, if my parents forced me to dance as a child, instead
of letting me roam outside, like a free range rhythmless chicken.
Thanks mom and dad.
Dancers on pointe make everything look easier.
Your body even weighs less when you dance in pointe shoes.
Because pointe dancers should not have to experience third world problems, like struggle,
or gravity.
Your dance and life accomplishments have no failures, because you're not a failure.
You wear pointe shoes.
Good for you...
Regular socks If you actually endure the shame of dancing
in regular socks, it means you're one of two people, one you’re broke.
The only sixty dollars you can scrape together every month, has to go to group dance classes.
You're basically a dance immigrant.
You've worked in a factory your entire life, just so that you can afford a ticket in steerage
aboard the Titanic.
You have a dream of getting good, and only one way of reaching it.
Spoiler alert, the Titanic has other plans for you.
Regular socks are designed to sink your dreams.
You w ant to get good?
ICEBERG!
You want to solo dance?
Slip and break your ankle..
You want to partner dance?
Get stepped on and break your toes.
Which brings me to the second type of person who wears regular socks to dance.
The person who thinks they’re “totally advanced” after 6 months of dance lessons,
but in reality, they’re a delusional beginner.
If the first person is getting on board the Titanic, then you’re getting on board a
Carnival cruise ship.
You're gonna end up at the same place you started from, but you're gonna tell yourself
you’re actually going somewhere, and it's dirt cheap, so why not?
Either way, I hope you know how to swim, because your dance career is slowly sinking away.
Disregard everything I said though if you’re a pro.
If you have to ask yourself whether you’re good enough to dance in socks.
You probably aren’t.
Runners You are a beginner.
An unpolished piece of marble, yet to be sculpted into a dance statue with aesthetic lines.
The amount of self doubt, and dirt that you’ve brought into the studio, is outweighed by
the fact that all experienced dancers, secretly appreciate you.
It’s a symbiotic relationship.
You give us validation, and we give you…
*random thinking poses* More self doubt when you compare yourself
against us?
Does that make it like a parasitic relationship if only one party is benefitting?
I don’t know.
Anyways, If you're lucky, you'll end up as a half decent dancer.
But if you’re smart, you’ll end up dating someone hot, and great at dancing.
The only useful thing dancers get out of dancing, are cute people to date.
It’s like a $30,000 per year tinder subscription.
No regrets though.
You’ve just started dancing, and you can't wait to show off your terrible dance moves,
to your non dance friends.
You are finally the popular girl, or the hot shot guy in high school you’ve always wanted
to be.
This is because you can post on facebook, and get over 100 likes for the first time.
Too bad high school was 10 years ago, better late than never right?
Short form content Dance sneakers
You’re past your prime and just like any broken bodied dancer, you care more about
comfort and ergonomics, than style and precision.
You like to tell people how amazing you were, “back in your day”, when dancing was ten
times as hard, and dance floors weren’t even invented yet.
You’re the person who talks at other people and tries to make other people admire the
skilsl you think you had, but never really did.
Ha!
What a joke.
I’ll be sure to play slower music, to make dancing easier for you.
Slip on socks for runners You are a dancer.
The outside world was not made for dancing.
You don’t care though and you were smart enough to figure out a way to dance outside
while not wrecking your dance shoes.
Unlike the rest of us, who wrecked our shoes and our feet, dancing outside.
Now please, use your entrepreneurial skills, to find out a way to make dance clothes more
affordable and comfortable.
We promise to pay you, with exposure.
Flamenco shoes You are Spanish, even if you’re not, you
are Spanish.
You like wearing, weird dresses, because it shows off your “personality”.
You date matadors who run with the bulls.
And you also believe that playing drums is meant to be done with your hands instead of
with 2 sticks on an actual drum.
You’re like a tap dancer, except with your hands.
And last, but not least, red, is your favourite colour.
Why else do you think the matadors like chasing after you?
Foot undies, toe thongs, toe socks, whatever these things are called.
You love feeling grounded, and connected with the floor.
Nothing excites you more, than doing acrobatics on the balls of your feet, and scaring everybody
else around you, because they think you're doing capoeira and you're gonna kick em in
the face.
Your feet are the only part of you that’s grounded because, you’re also insane.
If you were on my hot crazy graph, then you’d manage to double your crazy score, and somehow
break my graph.
Please don’t key my car for telling the truth.
Barefoot You’re a monster, an artistic savage, and
you have facial expressions like one too.
Your feet are full of calluses, and you avoid pedicures like an anti-vaxxer.
You have weirdly shaped feet and your broken toes no longer feel pain.
After you leave the dance floor, nobody else wants to go on after you.
Not because they think they can’t match your performance, but because you left a toenail,
and a bloody trail as you walked off the floor.
You think every other dancer is weak, in comparison to you.
And that’s all the dance shoes we have for you today.
But wait…
I know what all of you viewers are thinking.
Especially you Felix!
Leave it to the german dancer, to tell me how incomplete my dance shoe list is.
Obviously, there are way more dance shoes that I’ve yet to cover.
But I can’t make a 30 minute video.
Here’s a quick screen run of all the dance shoes I want to talk about in the future.
If you want to see more, then tap that like button and subscribe to my channel .
If this video gets 25 likes, then I’ll make a part 2.
And just like Smokey the Bear said, in a really poorly paraphrased way, only you, can help
me make these trashy dance videos.