Hey guys,
I'm going to do this video a little differently
by telling a story about
why nice guys finish last.
This is a fictional story
based on numerous real life situations
I've seen over the decades.
If you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen
I help men decode modern women
so you can find, attract,
and keep your keeper.
Now, before we get into the story
let's look at what people mean
when they refer to "typical nice guys"
in a derogatory way.
They don't mean genuinely
kind, good-hearted men.
They mean a man who is nice
because he has a hidden agenda
with a self-serving purpose
maybe even one he is not consciously aware of.
You'll see what I mean
as we explore "Eric's" story.
So, once upon a time
in the bustling city of Urbana
there lived a guy named Eric.
He was the epitome of the "typical nice guy."
He possessed all the traits
that we think of as desirable.
He was considerate, polite,
always willing to go the extra mile for others,
especially the women
he was interested in.
However, these very qualities
would lead him down a path
to loneliness and bitterness.
Eric's relationships always started
in a familiar pattern,
and I'm sure many of you have experienced this.
He'd meet a woman who caught his eye
and his heart would instantly flutter with hope.
He'd shower her with compliments,
listen to her intently,
put her needs before his own.
But the women he pursued
always ended up distancing themselves
or ditching him with the familiar
it's not you, it's me.
Have you ever heard that one?
If you have, share your stories in the comments.
All right, the truth is
Eric's excessive neediness was suffocating.
His lack of assertiveness
and inability to communicate his desires
left women feeling unfulfilled
because he never revealed
his true thoughts and opinions
fearing rejection if he dared to disagree.
As a result, relationships or
attempts at relationships
lacked excitement, authenticity,
and the absence of challenge
made them grow stale.
Remember, I'm not the creator,
just the decoder.
So, Eric's self-confidence was fragile.
He was constantly seeking validation
from others, particularly women.
His constant need
for reassurance was burdensome
and the few girlfriends he did manage to date
eventually found it too draining
to constantly prop up his fragile self-esteem.
Key point,
emotionally healthy women
yearned for a man who believes in himself
and has a strong sense of identity.
Eric's passive aggressive tendencies
also played a part in his failures with women.
Instead of addressing his concerns directly
he'd stew in resentment
resorting to subtle jabs and sulking
to express his frustrations
like a child.
Key point, when a man acts like a child
a woman feels like a mother.
Mother mode suppresses arousal mode.
His indirect, immature approach
only pushed women away.
As the years went by
Eric found himself alone,
bitter, and resentful toward
all women in general.
He blamed them for his loneliness
failing to see his own behaviors
contributed to his situation,
unable to understand
why he was constantly left behind.
He grew envious of couples
who did find happiness in their relationships.
And over time, his bitterness
seeped into every aspect of his life.
He became cynical,
believing that all women were only
interested in superficial traits
and overlook genuine kindness.
Eric's once optimistic view of love
had transformed into a jaded perspective
and he was miserable.
Can you relate?
All right, well, let's look at the top 10 things
"typical nice guys" get wrong.
And then we're going to rewrite
Eric's story into a happy ending
and you can learn
the single most important thing
you can do to stop feeling
helpless, hopeless,
and to get your power back.
All right, number one,
nice guys lack assertiveness.
They tend to be overly passive and hesitant
when it comes to expressing
their desires and needs.
This lack of assertiveness
makes them less attractive to women
who value confidence
and a take charge attitude.
Two, nice guys prioritize
approval over authenticity.
They seek validation and approval from others
particularly women
suppressing their true thoughts and feelings,
which is disingenuous
making it difficult for women
to establish a genuine connection.
Three, nice guys exhibit excessive neediness.
Neediness is not the same as having needs,
but it's suffocating and again,
burdensome to everyone
and makes women bow out
to seek a more independent partner.
Four, nice guys
lack a sense of mystery and challenge.
They're predictable and avoid any form of
confrontation or risk taking.
To be clear, being considerate
and reliable is good
but without mystery and excitement,
a relationship will feel stagnant and unfulfilling.
Five Nice guys struggle
with setting boundaries.
They tend to prioritize
others' needs above their own
leading to a lack of balance and respect.
Respect precedes attraction.
Women need men with healthy boundaries.
Six, nice guys lack self-confidence.
This often manifests as insecurity
and a constant need for reassurance.
This lack of confidence is
unattractive not just to women.
You need strong sense of self-belief
in your own abilities.
Seven, nice guys exhibit
passive aggressive behavior.
Instead of directly
expressing their feelings or concerns,
they employ sneaky forms of punishment
as a means of coping with their frustrations.
This indirect approach creates
tension and misunderstandings
within relationships.
Eight, nice guys
prioritize others' needs
at the expense of their own.
They please others
over their own emotional and physical needs.
Consideration is good
but neglecting your needs
results in an unbalanced dynamic.
Women need men
to prioritize mutual care.
Nine, nice guys lack a sense of adventure.
They play it safe and avoid taking risks,
which is boring sorry
but also weak-minded.
Women need new experiences
and a sense of adventure in their lives
even in simple ways.
10, nice guys struggle with
assertive communication.
They fear that by expressing
their desires or concerns
they'll upset or disappoint others.
This reluctance to speak up
leads to miscommunication
and unmet expectations
ultimately resulting in rejection or a breakup.
Did any of these sound familiar?
Well, let's rewrite Eric's story
and see if there's a happy ending.
And then the major,
the one major mind hack
that will totally change your life.
That's appropriate for men and women by the way.
All right, Eric's new story.
All right, one day Eric has a moment of clarity.
He realizes it's his own behaviors
that have led to his lonely existence.
It dawns on him
that being a nice guy is not enough.
He now knows he needs to develop
a self-confidence, learn to set boundaries,
and to cultivate a sense
of adventure and independence.
Key point, for himself more than anyone.
So, with new found determination
Eric embarks on a journey
of self-improvement for himself.
He works on building his self-esteem,
honing his communication skills,
and discovering his real
passions and interests.
Gradually as he improves his life
his bitterness starts to dissolve
and he begins to see women as
simply different rather than the enemy.
As Eric evolves and grows into his
better real self, he discovers
the importance of balance in relationships,
all relationships.
He understands that true compatibility
requires both partners
to express their needs and desires openly
while respecting each other's boundaries.
And he no longer sees
being kind as a weakness
but as a strength that can be balanced
with confidence and authenticity.
In time, Eric's transformation
attracts the attention of women
who appreciate his true sense of self
his quirky real him.
He forms connections based on
mutual respect, shared interests,
and genuine emotional connection.
But being a well-rounded individual
who respects himself
and others opens doors
to fulfilling relationships
not just with women.
Okay now, the one major mindset change
that will transform anyone's life
and everyone should embrace.
Eric learned that by blaming others
for his choices,
it would never lead to his happiness.
True fulfillment comes from within
and you have the power
to shape your own destiny.
The major mindset is
to accept full responsibility for your life.
Key point, this doesn't mean accepting
bad behavior from others.
That's "nice guy" behavior.
It does mean accepting accountability
where you can.
Key point, where you can.
If you accept this mindset
your transformation will extend
beyond your love life.
Your confidence and assertiveness
will permeate every aspect of your existence.
You'll excel in your career,
you'll pursue your own passions,
and cultivate meaningful friendships.
You'll become a pillar of strength
and inspiration for others
who are also navigating
relationships and self-discovery.
While being a truly unselfish
nice guy is a good foundation,
it's essential to develop a well-rounded
and authentic self.
By embracing your true identity,
embracing new experiences,
and setting boundaries,
you can navigate relationships with confidence.
Ultimately, finding the love and life you desire.
Your "past mistakes"
will become stepping stones
to fulfillment and happiness.
I know it sounds crazy but it's true.
And isn't that what we all really want?
Happiness? Yes.
So, if you want to rewrite your story,
you might want to try my
wake up to love program and do the work.
I believe in you, you got this.
God bless you.