- [Nicole] Welcome back to the F Word,
a series about adopting a kid from foster care.
- You have plenty of time.
- No I don't, she said 12:30.
- Okay.
- I'm just nervous.
- [Kristan] Chill out.
- I'm just really, really nervous.
- You're gonna be great. - Okay.
- [Kristan] What's there to be nervous about?
- Um, Sharon's like in charge of the future of our family.
- Bye, love you. - Love you.
- She forgot keys.
Here she comes.
- Forgot my keys. - Yeah.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Alright, have you or your spouse
ever experienced any of the following?
Just wait till I'm done and tell me what.
Incarceration, I mean just say yes when it comes up.
- Okay.
- Okay, incarceration, military combat, bankruptcy,
interrupted pregnancy, infertility, juvenile detention,
death of a child, witnessed or experienced violence,
had a child adopted, had a child abducted,
domestic violence, or none of the above.
You or your spouse.
- Yeah, none of the above.
- Which of the following have you or your spouse used?
Barbiturates.
- No. - Okay.
Club drugs like ecstasy? - No.
- Cocaine, crack, quaaludes, methadone.
- No. - Heroine, morphine, opium.
- I don't even know what half of those are,
but I should say that my dad founded D.A.R.E.
- [Nicole] We might've role played this home study
before walking into it.
- [Kristan] Yeah, watch out Sharon,
you haven't met the perfect parents until you've met us.
- Do you or anyone in the household possess or view
any sexually explicit adult magazines,
videos, internet sites, or similar material?
- Have we ever watched a porn?
Yeah, of course.
- Do you or anyone in your household
view sexually explicit materials?
- Nope.
- When you're just stressed,
what kind of self-care do you have?
- Um, so I have this meditation practice
that I've been meaning to get off the ground.
- My senior year in high school,
I ran a violin camp out of my house,
and we had a pool and the kids swam, it was crazy.
I can't believe that parents left their kids with me.
- I'd have just as much fun playing games
with small children as small children do.
- On a scale of one to 10, how motivated are you to adopt?
- 10.
- You are a 10?
- Yeah, I'm a 10.
- On a scale of one to 10, how motivated are you to adopt?
- I am like a 12.
- [Nicole] What do you wanna do tonight?
- [Kristan] Hmm, ooh, let's get some barbiturates
and have a living room dance party.
- [Nicole] Honey, barbiturates are downers.
- [Kristan] Oh, how 'bout some quaaludes then?
- [Nicole] They're pronounced quaaludes.
- [Kristan] Well, Sharon called them quaaludes.
- [Nicole] Yes, she did.
- One requirement of adopting
from foster care is that you have to get a physical.
- [Kristan] So, we went to see our family physician,
Dr. Tiny.
- Alright, give me some big breaths in and out.
I'm gonna push on your belly now.
- Whoo!
- Sensation feel the same on both sides?
- Yeah.
- Resist me pushing and pulling, good, excellent.
Stick your tongue straight out.
Left, right, awesome.
- Thank you!
- Clean bill of health, you guys are gonna
be awesome parents, I'm so excited for you!
Thank you for raising queer babies.
- Oh, they're gonna be so queer!
- They're gonna be so queer, yes!
The first word is gonna be "Yes!"
- It's so early, I don't know why they do this.
It's Sunday at 7:50 in the morning.
- Are you okay, are you okay, are you breathing?
- [Man] Just put as little as appropriate.
- Oh hey, you, go call nine one one!
- What should I wear, for Sharon?
Kristan, what do I wear?
- [Kristan] I just vacuumed!
- [Nicole] I spilled three beans
and I picked up two of them.
- [Kristan] Three minus two makes,
- Okay. - divorce.
- [Sharon] Hi pooch, hi poochie!
I have to describe this place
- Oh okay, - in the home study,
so I'm, that's why I'm staring.
How're we gonna describe this?
Cozy, charming.
Okay, we're talking zero to four.
- Mm-hmm. - Male or female?
- We don't really have a preference.
- Okay, and your preferred ethnicity?
- We don't have a preferred ethnicity.
- [Kristan] If we're matched with a child of color
we would definitely prepare for it.
We know that trans-racial adoption is really complex.
- [Nicole] We're gonna buy a thing...
- [Sharon] But that would be a big issue.
- [Together] Yeah.
- [Sharon] Walking up and burning...
- Yeah, no, I've burned myself.
- [Sharon] Religion?
- [Kristan] We're Jew-ish.
- Yeah, Jew-ish.
I mean, we do Christmas, it's sort of like,
what do they mean religion, we're not gonna be
taking the kid to church.
- [Kristan] Unless they ask.
- Unless they say, "Hey, I wanna go try church."
- It's all over-the-counter stuff, so...
- [Sharon] There you go.
That totally works.
Although when a child is here, you would take the key out.
- Of course, yeah!
- Do you open this up in summer?
The windows. - Yeah.
- [Sharon] So you're gonna have to child-proof that.
Let's talk about drug exposure.
- We're okay with marijuana,
we're okay with crack.
- Yeah. - Heroin?
- Heroin, yeah.
- Now here's the biggie, parental mental illness?
- I'm pretty nervous about that, particularly schizophrenia.
I feel like we can handle depression.
- Schizophrenia's so easily treated today though.
- If they take their meds. - If they take their meds.
But I think, you know, case by case is a fair assessment.
- I know you want total openness if possible,
so why do you prefer openness?
- I don't really feel like there's any other way.
- Do you have any fears about doing that?
- My fears come more from
not wanting to put our child in harm's way.
- Yeah, I think we'd rather take on
some level of discomfort if it means
being able to answer all those questions
and keep in place the relationships
that are safe to keep in place.
- What if they are a product of rape or prostitution?
- Right, but to lie about it or to conceal the truth
is never healthy, I think,
you know we have to be honest about it, open about it
and help them begin to heal, and maybe that
involves a therapist and other outside help
but it doesn't mean we shut up about it
and keep a family secret.
- [Kristan] Where do we go from here, what's next?
- From here, um I have to write this all up.
And then I have to get it approved.
Aren't you so excited?
- What's next? - Let's move forward!
- What's next!
- Um, and then I can present you to the adoption exchanges.
And so we're lookin' at January.
- Okay!
- Then, don't call me .
- Don't call you, you'll call us?
- We'll talk! - Okay.
- Cheers to part one. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, we should get salt and orange slices.
B-R-B!
So what're we gonna tell our family
when we see them and they're like, "How's everything going?"
- There's this funny thing with adoption, right,
where it's like you announce that you're gonna do it
and then you're like, but, don't follow-up
with any questions 'cause it's going to be a while.
It's like announcing that you're starting a Ph.D. program.
- Do you ever wonder if our child
has been born yet, if they're like, in the world?
- Yeah, I think about that a lot.
- Me too.