[Spanish music]
- "Are you uncomfortable?" He whispered.
And she was.
She suckled the red juice of his ungloved fingers.
Warm and slippery.
Underneath the table, his organ strained to essence.
"I'm here for you."
He said as she grabbed handfuls of his hair.
Her dewy honeypot sticky with sweetness.
- [groans] - His probing piston
hot and raw sought her damp cavern.
He knew how to properly handle a woman
and a fish, but both together?
As she approached lubricated frenzy,
he leaned in and whispered-- - Seriously?
- Wha-- - [grunts]
[groans]
I think I just sprained my--
Never mind.
[upbeat music]
- This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- Not you, though
- You're stuck here
- 'Cause you're a part-timer
- Yeah!
- You can do anything
- As long it's not hard
- And you can go anywhere
- As soon as you get a car
- You're gonna be a huge success
- Come on, that's not who you are
- You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams
And this low-paying job
Is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Whoa
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Oh
But seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?
[creaks]
[crashes]
- Romance? Me? [chuckles]
Ms. Cleon, are you reading my moon sign right?
I'm not the psychic one here, but...
the men in Sacramento are like-- - Lori!
- Like boys. Call you next week.
Lori, the health inspector's here and he's gonna fail us
and my dad said he won't bail me out this time.
It's so unfair! You burn down one Donut Hut--
- You don't have to worry.
I got a strategy that works every time.
- What if the inspector finds the rat droppings?
Or the larva? Or the cheese lice?
- Don't worry about that.
First, never let them lead.
As long as I'm in front, I'm in charge.
Which brings me to number two. Literally.
Never let them see the upstairs staff bathroom.
That's self explanatory.
- I didn't even know we had an upstairs staff bathroom.
- None of that even matters because the inspector is Carol
and we play on the same softball league
for childless adults. - But, Lori--
- Calm yourself down.
Oh, I better go clear the hotdog skins
from the kitchen sink.
Send her over in ten.
- [slurps]
- Pete, you want your shave clean.
Smooth. Intentional.
The eyes might be the window to the soul,
but the face is the escape hatch to the mind.
Now hand me that sweet Schick Hydro razor.
- Okay, weird guy that says the full names of products.
- Whoa.
- Oh, Pete just got his first whisker.
- Yeah, but it was a thick one.
- Weird.
Hey, Pete, could you stay after work and quiz me?
I've got an exam for nursing school
and I could really use your help.
- Yeah, sure. Yeah.
- Thanks, Pete.
both: Ooh.
- Holy shiz.
- What? - Bang-a-rang.
- Guys, what? - Pete...
today's the day you become a man.
Now, obviously,
Mads wants to take your relationship to the next level.
- Really? - Of course, dude.
She just asked for your "help".
That's an invitation to do stuff.
- What stuff? - All the stuff.
- Front stuff. Back stuff. Side-to-side.
- How...do I know when... to do this stuff?
- All females are different.
Some hop around when they're ready.
Some shake their haunches.
Some simply present their genitals when they're in estrus.
- Look, dude, older women will just straight up tell you
when they're ready to do the stuff.
Any of your mom's friends on Facebook?
How about your friend's moms?
[upbeat music]
[water sloshing]
- Are you fingering the rim?
[Spanish music]
What you need is a little backend wetness.
Are you Lori?
[music winds down]
- Dale Stevens, Department of Health.
- Oh. Wh--where's Carol?
- Severe cat bites. Shall I lead?
[pen clicks]
- Hot and raw. - Ex--excuse me?
- Your meats. They're hot and raw.
All raw meats are supposed to be kept under 34 degrees.
- I-I'm sure they should be.
- Your honeypot is sticky with sweetness.
- [moans softly]
- You need to wipe the spillover down to, uh,
avoid pupa infestation.
[Spanish music]
- The AC is out. It's not usually--
- A damp cavern?
- [sensually] Yes, a damp cavern.
- Is this blood? - Juice.
There's a carpet bump and-- - Whoa!
- Pete! - Oh, God! Sorry!
- Suckling the red juice from his ungloved fingers.
- Stop suckling your fingers and go get a towel.
- Sweet Jesus.
- Are we-- are we failing?
Why are you sweating? Are we failing?
- I'm not sweating. Everything's normal.
I'm drying out my parts. - Okay.
[Spanish music]
- [growls] - Oh!
- So I hear you know about the stuff.
- What stuff? - [whispers] The stuff.
- Oh.
Well...yeah.
Um...
How do I know... when...
to do the stuff? - Mm-hmm.
- She'll let you know. You know?
"No" is easy.
She'll make excuses like,
"My dog's sick." You know?
"I'm washing my hair." "I'm tired."
Crap like that.
- So...what's a "yes"?
[sensual music]
- Are you getting the "yes"?
- Yes.
- Good.
- Good luck out there now.
[funky music]
- His nimble fingers danced
down her newly-formed limbs.
She may have been both woman and fish,
but he was all-- - Where have you been?
The juice is hardening--
What are you doing? That is my private, personal--
- I'm sorry, Lori.
I just wanted to know about the stuff.
- Is that him? - What?
- The voice of the Health Inspector.
Is he the narrator?
- Oh, I don't know.
- Is Dale the voice? - I don't know!
- Just go ask him.
He's on his way to the staff bathroom.
- The staff bathroom?
[sighs]
Just ask her out and don't be a jerk.
[funk music]
[Spanish music]
Sir. Dale--
- I don't know what to say here, Lori.
The walls are slippery.
There's enough viscous liquid on the floor
to create a lubricated frenzy.
- That's it! Stop it! - Excuse me?
- You can't come here, get me all riled up,
practically licking my body with your sultry voice
and provocative words. - What? I never intended--
- Are you him?
You're him, right? Just tell me you're him.
- Him who? - The voice of the erotic novel.
You've pleasured over a million women a year.
- I have? - You haven't?
- I haven't.
- Oh.
- What would you like me to do?
[Spanish music]
- I want you to, um...
[inhales sharply] Talk me off.
- Okay.
"Will you go out with me?"
[Spanish music]
- Here's your grade, kid.
- An "A"? We don't deserve this.
- But you do, Lori.
- [sighs] I can't take this.
It's not right. Just give us the grade we got.
- But I'd have to shut you down on the spot.
- Okay, give us a "B". - Okay.
- Now...kiss me like it's the last time, Dale.
- It is the last time, Lori.
I have to saddle up and ship off to Ohio.
Diphtheria outbreak in a major cracker factory.
- [sighs]
I hope you make it back alive, but if you don't,
we always have the staff bathroom.
[Spanish music]
- Cardiopulmonary resuscitation.
Heart stoppage.
When the heart stops, the lack of oxygenated blood
can cause brain damage within two minutes.
Ugh, I'm done.
I'm so done.
- Are you sure? Uh, there's just a couple more.
- Nah, I'm tired.
And I got to get home to wash my hair before tomorrow.
Plus, my dog's sick. - Oh.
I get it.
You don't have a dog. - What?
Of course I have a dog.
He's probably vomiting all over the floor right now.
- Wait, really?
Awesome.
Err, I, uh-- I mean I hope he gets better.
- Thanks, Pete.
[uplifting music]
- His nimble fingers
danced down her newly-formed limbs.
She may have been both woman and fish,
but he was all man
and he knew exactly how to handle
his taut, wet line.
[both inhale slowly]
[both sigh]
- Wait, did he just [bleep] a fish?
[upbeat music]