Ian and Larissa asked me to read a couple of quotes
from a man named John Piper
who is a well-known Bible teacher
and he talks about marriage
and how this mystery refers to Christ and the church
and he says this
"Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically
It is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love
between Christ and his Church"
he says, "Knowing Christ is more important
than making a living
treasuring Christ is more important
than bearing children
either way, it is short
it may have many bright days
or it may be covered with clouds
but if we set our face to make of marriage
mainly what God designed it to be
no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way
every one of them will be not an obstacle to success
but a way to succeed
the beauty of the covenant-keeping love
between Christ and his Church
shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it"
Ian and I first met in 2005 at college
and had a blast for ten months getting to know each other
I was looking through and I found one of my favorite pictures
which I think was actually taken right before his accident
he set up a camera on his tripod
and it's just a classic Ian face
that, to me, sums up who he is
we had been dating for ten months
and he was working an extra job for his dad
and he was on his way to work near Pittsburg
and we got a phone call that he had been in an accident
and we didn't know if it was when he got to work
or on his way
and so we got down to Pittsburg
and I was just praying the whole time in the car
that it wouldn't be his brain
after being at the hospital for a few hours
we found out that it was
and he had been in brain surgery for a few hours
and had suffered a traumatic brain injury
God totally spared his life
one night he was failing four out of five brain activity tests
and the next morning he was doing well
and his brain was starting to respond again
I moved in with his family after the accident
so I was really involved in his therapy
and just did whatever I could to make his life fun
we'd go out on dates and, looking back, it's weird
cause he couldn't talk
and he couldn't eat
so we probably looked like complete weirdos being on dates
but we had a blast and I just talked to him all the time
I knew that before Ian's accident he was very serious
about marriage and was ring shopping
so I knew where he was
and that helped me so much
after he couldn't talk
I knew that he loved me
and I knew where he wanted the relationship to go
because we were dating very intentionally
we just prayed that marriage would someday happen
and watched all of our friends get married
and start having families
and that was challenging
but we just tried to hold out hope
that that would be us someday
This is our board of gratefulness
and we encourage anybody who comes in
to write a note of something they're thankful for
it could be really small
mine is just Saturday mornings
it's just a good way that we found to be
just practicing gratefulness
Ian, I think half of yours say, "My wifey"
yeah
which is pretty cool
yeah
we decided that we couldn't really
consider marriage as an option
until Ian was able to communicate
but if he could communicate with me
then we could have a marriage
knowing it would be really different
but as long as Ian could talk to me
then we could make it work
so once Ian began communicating
it became a little bit more of an option
and then we just kind of watched Ian progress
Hi, husband!
Hi, wifey!
How are you?
Fine. How are you?
What?
How are you?
I'm good, it's good to see you
How was your day? Good?
Good, yes
A conversation I had with his dad
it was one of those conversations
where I realized this could happen
then that August his dad was diagnosed with brain cancer
and at that point his dad's biggest concern was Ian and I
and whether or not we were going to get married
or step away from our relationship
he wanted us to make a decision
to move our lives in some direction
he passed away before he was able to see us get engaged
but that was a huge impetus in why we started to pursue engagement
throughout premarital counseling
we just used This Momentary Marriage
it was so helpful because John Piper talked a lot about
primary things and secondary things
which is real important for us
because we were walking out our marriage practically
Ian can't do the secondary things like working
or making a meal for me
everything that's primary, though, he can do
which is leading me spiritually
Ian always comes back to
the foundational truths of who God is
and kind of reels me back in from my emotions
and that's the most important thing
we have two friends that we're going through the book with
I think we've just been able to help them see
that maybe the little things that they're excited for
about marriage are worth being excited about
but they're not the end-all and be-all of their marriage
but we also have so much to learn
and we're learning from them
and things that they share
because our relationships are different
and we can glean different things from each other
I think what helped us in deciding to make
this commitment to each other
at least for me
is knowing that Ian wouldn't have left me
if the roles were reversed
and that we love each other and we know
that God is going to be faithful to our marriage
we're able to love each other
with, I think, a more Christ-like love
because of Ian's disability
and just understand that picture
a little bit better than if you were healthy
Do you agree?
Yes
What about God enables you to have a happy marriage?
You know...
What?
He's awesome!
He's awesome?
Yeah
"When all around my soul gives way He then is all my hope and stay."
Desiring God exists to spread the truth that
God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.