What's up, my warriors!
Wind your neck in and let's get wreckin'.
Now, dreamfast with me, if you will, back to the forgotten, prehistoric wastes of a world before Siege -
- what, about fifteen months back? -
when Hasbro launched one of their famous and never-contentious fan polls,
basically to find out which toys we feel like complainin' about this year,
presenting us with a choice of three versus packs:
Wheeljack vs. Spinister,
Tracks vs. Needlenose,
and Mirage vs. Impactor,
the last of which obviously won, because Impactor.
Bitches love Wreckers.
And naturally, everybody universally rejoiced at the result and no more was said on the matter
until the twin pack was released and nothing confusing happened
and everything was perfectly great forever!
Except, no. That could never happen, could it?
'Cos what actually happened was, the versus pack did come out, but with a blue clear plastic Mirage
and a third-wheel Powerdasher Weaponiser repaint that literally nobody asked for!
Meanwhile, the actual Mirage and a way less cool Impactor
both hit the shelves individually at the same time as the versus pack? What!?
Hasbro, babe...
Can't you just be cool? Just once?
And on top of that, as everyone was tiresomely quick to point out,
Impactor ain't a Decepticon! What's he doing, goin' up against good old Mirage?
Well, that one I can let slide,
'cos while Impactor's never actually been on the side of the baddies,
he is a pretty big asshole
so it does make sense to me that he might butt heads with the good-natured Mirage sooner or later.
But it's probably gonna be less a full-on battle to the death
and more like a Twitter beef with laser guns.
Besides, look at these versus line-ups!
It's classic, bankable Autobots versus Z-list cult fave baddies.
They needed a big name like Mirage in there, 'cos like
who's gonna vote for Impactor vs. Birdbrain?
But anyway, here we go with Siege Impactor
sportin' the slightly stodgier of the two headsculpts
'cos the nice one's packaged with forty bucks' worth of toys I don't want
and this was the one that they had in the shop while I was in there.
£16.99. Let's get this on with.
So rather than the slick, Spartan-style IDW head,
this is the '80s Marvel UK retro noggin
or as I call it, Impactor Senior. Ha!
Check him out there, lookin' surly and stern with his hard-ass helmet and giant crusty mohawk!
And that kinda sums up Impactor's whole vibe - he's just severe!
He's such an old-school hard-boiled wily old buzzard!
He's rough and ready and built to last!
He's flat and square and he don't care!
And that's what we like about him.
He's Impactor!
Not Helveticor.
But he is in fact so staunchly no-bullshit that he sorta feels like a throwback
to the pre-Prime Wars CHUG figures.
I mean he is perfectly at home in Siege as a larger Deluxe dude
but I feel like he could've come out any time between 2006-14 and just slotted right in
like a shelved older design that they finally trotted out
now that the fan poll proved there was demand for Impactor.
Not sayin' that's what happened, but I'd believe it!
Anyway, the body's a big bold-faced block of Autobot beefcake
replete with sorta recessed tiddy square inverse pectorals
along with a cheeky plain-lines insignia auto-filled with his native purple
for that unintentional Shattered Glass flavour.
He's also loaded up with triple backpack ability,
an extremely strange underboob waist swivel,
a full 90-degree abdominal hinge for the old Dreamwave crunch 'n' reach,
and what appears to be a shoulder-mounted Shockwave head.
Gotta say I'm heavily taken with the colours!
Like, the margarine yellow and Dairy Milk purple are definitely a rare mix for an Autobot.
I mean, it's basic counterpoint colour wheel work, but work it do.
Anyway, Impactor's arms are just classically cool chunky robo limbs
that go super hard on the Siege firepower frenzy!
'Cos, check it out, both his arms and his rifle are just bristlin' with posts and ports
like an absolute blast action hero!
His hands even swap out for extra ones
and this suspiciously jaggedy pistol gives you some classic Marvel harpoon hand hook man car door.
Also, his shoulder blocks really remind me of Rook!
Could that possibly be a Collector Club callback?
Legs are lookin' fabulously flared, flanked with cool-ass tank tread longjohns!
Feet have got these tasty toes, and the tilts default to a harsh 20-degree slant
to give him a serious Sepultura strength stance.
Bit on the empty side, though - like, these shin gaps are extREMEly tough to ignore
'cos they are big, they are deep, and they are obvious.
Like, I'm tryin' to do some cool action poses but the leg voids just suck my eyes right to 'em
like a fun vacuum.
They don't even help him transform. It's just poor show!
Anyway, as per his obligations, Impactor's up to all the standard Siege tricks
like the little gun pops, touch of the old scratch 'n' scuff,
ultraviolet Easter egg download code,
One guess what his word
- yeah.
But yes! Big day for Impactor!
Check you out, gettin' your own toy and everything!
And the robot mode's pretty standard.
Like, there's nothin' mind-blowing goin' on, and the legs really do drag him down,
but on balance, I can't hate him.
He's all right.
He's fine.
He'll do.
He's mostly coastin' on the name and the novelty factor isn't he, which, why not, if you can get away with it?
Impactor's great at getting away with stuff!
Right?
#I wanna wreck 'n' rule all night#
[laughter]
#and party every day#
#I wanna wreck#
[embarrassed laughter]
That's such sh*t!
Transformation's hilarious.
Like, I don't know why, but the first time I saw how his legs worked, I laughed for about 20 minutes.
And this alt mode is all business, baby!
Yes indeed, this is fantasy space tank Impactor,
most frequently seen rollin' into the ruckus with his mates
Goblinthespian and Orcperformer
- 'cos Impactor. Right? Imp Actor?
Is that too stupid to exist?
But check it out, it's definitely ready to wreck with this massive main cannon,
these two sunken secondary ...phasers, I guess,
along with these subtle sculpted side blasters,
nasty-ass ram tusks,
the old Shockwavey shoulder blaster
and a - like a roof knife
plus, y'know, whatever else you got lyin' around.
And it's a truly mean-lookin' baddie mangler
or it would be, if it wasn't bright yellow.
But it's solid and chunky and great fun.
Like, it's got this nice but narrow tread base that just barely accommodates the massive, oversized turret
which itself does a full 360 spin on a slightly awkwardly-positioned axis
and reveals an unfortunate thigh gap!
It's deeply imperfect and I am here for that!
But, dude, this seriously feels like an old-style Classics toy!
In a good way - like, it certainly holds up among the Siege gang
...whatever that means...
But it just has that certain vibe, y'know?
It might just be because that's how long it's been since we've had a solid, traditional Deluxe tankformer
that wasn't encumbered with combining or cockpits or whatever.
And, I dunno, it's got its problems, but it IS an all right figure!
It's just kinda weird that THIS came out in 2019.
There's nothing especially clever or cutting-edge about it that they couldn't have pulled off before.
But what it does mean is it's nice and non-era-specific
so it fits in with the rest of the Wreckers!
'Cos they have definitely been drip-fed through several different design phases
but check 'em out, all hangin' out together like a picture perfect little violence family!
And Impactor 100% looks the part as a convincingly commanding tall-ass Deluxe
and I enjoy that he's not quite as hefty as Roadbuster or Springer
- either of the Springers.
It just gives him like an extra layer of grizzled grandpa gravitas!
But - come with me on this for a sec.
Did Roadbuster invent Siege?
He's got the spacey vibes and the way too many guns and the ports everywhere!
Is Siege just all the characters doing a Roadbuster?
Was he like a stealth Siege proof of concept that they slipped into the mainline five years ago
to see how we felt about it?
Is it a coincidence that there was a Headmaster about that time
and a Combiner right before that?
Were the last three or four lines all foretold in earlier Generations?
Or are those just the things that Transformers generally do?
Combining, Headmasters, having lots of guns,
and I'm just sat here trying to force them into a sort of zero-stakes conspiracy theory?
Does it matter? No.
It's just a thing I noticed!
Who cares? We're just gonna end up back at G1 anyway!
It's just gonna be a perpetual cycle of different stages of G1 until we're all dead, isn't it?
Anyway, my name's Thew! Thanks for watching!
Like and subscribe if you want some more, 'cos it's never not 1984!
Whay, another one in the bag! Boom, bitch!
So yes, big shoutouts to all the new patrons who've rolled up recently,
and especially to Charles Goodson!
Catch ya later, baby!
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Limited appeal, keeping it real.