So if you've been on my channel for a while you know that I really like Taylor Swift's music.
I'm not a huge fan of her as a person, but she is probably my favorite musical artist.
From her first self-titled album to Folklore and Evermore I've been listening to Taylor Swift for
like well over a decade and I wanted to talk about her again on this channel for a while
because I've been thinking a lot about the media that I consumed as a kid and young
teenager and how that has shaped me as an adult. So in this video I want to focus on how Taylor
Swift tackles relationships in her music and also other portrayals of relationships between boys and
girls that I saw on TV as a kid in relation to the friend zone trope but directed at girls. I think
we talk a lot about how the friend zone affects men and how it makes men perceive women as prizes
to be won or makes them think that their owed a relationship for simply being a girl's friend, but
I don't think that we talk enough about how media targeted at girls and young women makes them put a
man's happiness before their own when they're just in middle school. So part one Taylor's not like
other girls. Before we get into the topic at hand I just want to address a Facebook article that I've
seen circulating way too many times. Unfortunately I couldn't find the article for this video, but it
uses this photo from Taylor Swift's Blank Space music video and the title goes something to the
effect of "Taylor Swift is perpetuating the crazy ex-girlfriend stereotype and saying that it's okay
for women to abuse men" and it's like what? The entire point of the Blank Space music video is
that it's a response to the sexist criticism that Taylor is a crazy ex-girlfriend. She acts that way
in the video because if that's who people think that she is, she might as well play into it and
capitalize off of it and make fun of it I guess. Like way to totally miss the point of the song
and music video! Anyway let's get to the topic at hand. This is semi-related, but I think that
Taylor gets a lot of unnecessary criticism and flack for singing about men and relationships and
high school drama because it's seen as frivolous, when actually that's a big part of people's lives,
especially her core demographic, which is mainly girls and young women. And the things that she
sings about isn't mindless fodder, it's real. Teen girls' interest to get attacked a lot and I
think that Taylor gets a lot of criticism mainly because her core demographic and her music is made
for teen girls. Why is it okay for men to pine over women and make entire shows about it and it's
seen as romantic, but when a woman thinks about how a guy won't notice her or a guy she likes
um is in a relationship with someone else it's seen as pathetic? Like just let women sing about
what they want to sing about. Let them sing about unrequited love breakups and relationships, it's
not that big of a deal. I think female artists that have a primarily female fan bases tend to be given
higher standards to live up to because they're made out to be you know good role models that they
have to set an example, when news flash, celebrities are not role models! However one theme in Taylor's
early music that could be seen as problematic is the theme of the girl that's not like other girls
is stuck in the friend zone. So before we start to label anything, let's unpack this. I think we're
all socialized to believe that men and women can't just be friends and that there's always this like
underlying romantic or sexual tension even when there isn't. And the TV shows that I'll mention
later that always have the girl and the guy best friend character always getting together doesn't
really help in this belief either. And when you're a kid immersed in this kind of entertainment
environment that's constantly telling you that you and your guy best friend must end up together
it is kind of reasonable for a young kid to believe that "hey I am the one for this person and
screw all the other girls." And this is all normal and natural. Kids are still learning and are still
developing their emotions teen girls especially are held to this incredibly high standard because
they're already seen as vapid and shallow just because of their age and gender. Young girls around
this time get a lot of messaging that's basically "don't be like other girls who are self-absorbed
and airheaded". Most girls don't want to be labeled as that, but because they can't help being a teen
girl, shedding the stereotype is that much harder. So in the end it's no surprise that a lot of young
girls related to Taylor Swift's music, which juxtapose her as opposed to the other girls.
It's not because teen girls are petty, mean, or evil, but rather it's just part about growing up and
learning about relationships and most women end up growing up and learning that the fantasy in You
Belong with Me is just that - a childish and kind of immature fantasy. That doesn't mean that it's wrong
to have that fantasy or you're a bad person, it's just that yeah sometimes as humans we have selfish
wish fulfillment fantasies and that's just part of life, and Swift capitalized the [ __ ] out of that,
fantasy probably because she herself had that as a young girl and also knew that other girls could
relate. Hey Stephen, Teardrops on My Guitar, Speak Now and the aforementioned You Belong with Me
all have the theme of "girl is being friend zoned because other girl bad". And before we go on,
some people do just love their best friend in a romantic way and that's fine. The only problem
is when it goes over the line and you grow up thinking that you are the special and the only one
fit enough to date your hometown crush or think that you're owed a relationship because you waited
longer or you're smarter or you're different, but I think most women are smart enough to realize
that they're not owed relationships simply for being a man's friend, just like how most guys are
smart enough to realize that girls shouldn't go out with them just because they're a girl's friend.
And I think it's important that we talk about women being in the friend zone because the friend
zone isn't something that just affects men. Women also sometimes feel entitled to relationships
because they've been friends with you or because they waited longer or this is how it ends in the
movies, but ironically, in media about friend zoning it's usually the guy that's in the friend zone
and we as female audience members are meant to identify more with him than the actual
main character who's usually a girl - at least in female-centered media - and we're supposed to want
them to end up together without even really thinking about what she wants. So in the end
because women like men are socialized to believe that there's always underlying romantic tension
between friends even though there isn't, it's no surprise that Swift recreated this in her music.
It doesn't make the girls who listen to Taylor Swift "idiotic" or Taylor herself
"crazy", it's just the obvious outcome of being fed this narrative from a very young age that
boys and girls can never just be friends even as children, and the media that perpetuates it.
So part two - friend zoning in media directed at girls. Even in media directed at girls and
young women with female protagonists, we're usually meant to sympathize more with the
male secondary character, especially if um the female character is perceived as putting him
in the friend zone. And there were tons of Disney and Nick sitcoms that I used to watch growing up
with this exact plot. Zoey 101, Kim Possible, Lizzie McGuire, Phil of the Future, That's So
Raven and the list goes on. In each of these shows there's the main girl character and her two side
best friends - one guy and one girl. The main girl character and the main guy character usually have
awkward romantic feelings for each other, but these feelings usually rest more with the guy
than the girl. The guy usually goes through this whole arc of not wanting to ruin their friendship
and withholding how they feel from her, but then usually ends up confessing how they feel and she
in turn confesses her own feelings for him. They usually date around before this, but usually by the
end they share a kiss and presumably get together and that's the end of the show. Raven even has a
vision that her and Eddie get married and after she tells him this they kiss, but then they walk
off in separate directions leaving the ending ambiguous. Zoey gets a boyfriend in season four
but of course ends up with Chase who has been pining after her for years and harboring secret
feelings, and of course Chase is not like other boys! Gordo and Lizzie of course get together um
Lizzie has a crush on another guy but he's kind of a ditz so he's not the right guy for her, I guess.
And gordo is because he again, he is not like other boys! There's actually going to be a spin-off
Lizzie McGuire series and Hilary Duff told E! that Gordo is not engaged to Lizzie McGuire in this
new show, so there's that. And to top them off Ron and Kim get together, after wouldn't you
know it, expressing their true feelings for one another! There's even this song called "Could It
Be You" that's sung by Christy Carlson Romano the voice of Kim and it's played over the last
scene that they shared together when they finally kiss in their last movie. And like
I mentioned when I was talking about Chase and Gordo, another trope that is in these childhood
friends turned lovers plot is the "not like other boys" trope or the "give a geek a chance"
trope. The main guy in the show is usually a nerdy outsider and he doesn't fit in and the girl on the
other hand is usually stereotypically feminine, but also has something that sets her apart from other
girls like she's a spy or she has psychic powers. The main guy and girl characters are usually just
written to be made for each other, and yeah it makes a lot of sense they're not like other people
and this of course isn't a bad thing. Kids usually feel as though they're weird or that no one gets
them or that they're an outsider so making the main characters of these shows different from the
other kids is relatable and also the shenanigans that they get into are a lot of fun to come home
to after a long day at school. And this formula did later change with Hannah Montana and iCarly,
which actually have the two side best friends getting together rather than getting with the
main girl character. I think this change happened primarily because the formula was getting old
and also because, and this is giving them way too much credit, um the people behind these shows
wanted to teach young girls that they don't need to go out with their best friend just because they
say that they like them. And though on the surface it seems as though the girls are in the friend
zone, as they're the main characters and they do feel kind of threatened, jealous, or dismayed when
their best guy friend gets a girlfriend, the girls aren't the ones in the friend zone, the guys are.
And though a lot of the girls in these shows do also pine after their best friend or at least
may feel some type of way about them, it's the guys in the show that are tasked with doing
the big romantic gestures, telling the girls how they really feel, and putting it all on the line.
And I don't think that's necessarily insidious. I think that it's a good thing that the guys on
the show are written to be you know emotional and kind and made to express their feelings
and I think one of the reasons why the TV shows are written this way, to have the main girl
character fall in love with her best friend, is because the best friend is a lot I guess seemingly
less threatening to the female audience and to the main girl character in the universe of the show
because they're already her friend and they're not just like this random guy. And I also think that
showing the main guy character harboring secret feelings for the main girl character plays into a
lot of young girls real life fantasies that "wow maybe he does secretly like me" because at that
age most kids think that everyone is against them that everyone hates them. And thinking that "wow you
know someone might actually like me" you know it's a big deal. On the other hand it is kind of shitty
that their friendship isn't enough for Chase, Gordo, or Ron. That they need to have more, that they need
to have these girls completely. Granted the girl usually ends up playing the field and seeing who
else is out there before ending up with the best friend character, so keep that in mind. However
sometimes the other guy that the main girl goes out with is also written to be like an evil
villain. I think this plot of childhood friends end up together either annoys the [ __ ] out
of people because the girls are settling or makes people really happy because it's wish fulfillment.
Is it dangerous? Does it give both parties false expectations of one another? You tell me in the
comments down below! I personally don't know, but I don't think it's that terrible. I think that it
actually helps the kids that it's meant to help that might be going through something similar,
and I think that most of us grow up and realize that this is fiction and not real life.
I do however think that it's dangerous that girls are told that they have underlying
romantic feelings for their best friend and they just don't know it yet because guess what? Guys and
girls can just be friends without any unnecessary underlying romantic tension because it is just
that - unnecessary. But again, being in love with your best friend or having romantic feelings for them
doesn't make you a bad person and it's completely normal and natural. I mean Taylor Swift's NLOG
songs are popular and resonate for a reason. It only becomes insidious when you grow up and
turn into an adult who thinks that you're owed reciprocated feelings because you waited longer
or because you think that you're better than everyone else, because people don't owe you
their feelings! You should be kind to people just out of the goodness of your heart and that's it.
Taylor's music has obviously matured as she has, and she doesn't really sing about you know wanting
to be noticed by her guy best friend that much anymore, and I think that's good. I'd like to think
that girls nowadays are feeling less pressured to have feelings for their best friend simply because
they're a guy and she's a girl, but of course this idea will always persist because when you're a kid
you don't really have this kind of foresight into the future that someone might love you. When you're
a teen you want that validation now. You want to be reassured that you are lovable and that's another
reason why I think that this trope is so popular, especially when directed at young girls who are
purposely brought up to be insecure about their romantic futures. These childhood friends to lovers
or romantic partners plot or trope or whatever you want to call it exists to help girls not feel so
insecure about themselves. To make them feel safe, to tell them that they're that they're lovable and
that they will get a man's validation. And you know it's helpful and also a hindrance at the same time.
There's a lot of layers to it from men being the only writers on Zoey101, and really hammering
in that give geeks a chance trope, to girls being conditioned to identify more with male characters
in popular media than female characters, and to you know this idea that women need to constantly put
a man's happiness before their own, and even admit to liking them even when they might not have had
feelings for them before. Not to mention the nerdy geeky not like other boys boy
needing to get the girl at the end and that you're the reward for him even though you're the main
character of this story! But if you are a young kid out there just know that someone will love you
and that you know if you have feelings for your best friend don't be afraid to tell them because
it won't ruin your friendship. That honestly always bothered me in shows like Zoey 101 where chase was
afraid to tell Zoey that he liked her because "it'll ruin our friendship", like no it won't! And
actually I guess what we learned from these shows is that if you you do tell your best friend that
you love them it'll actually help you land the girl! And know that you can still be friends with
your best friend even if they don't feel the same way about you. Anyway enjoy being
young and know that the best is yet to come! So that's it for this video. Thank you so much
for watching. I hope you enjoyed this mini deep dive into Taylor Swift and girls in the friend
zone, if you like this video please give it a like, leave a comment, share with someone, and of course,
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is going to be a review of little women from 2019, so stay tuned for that! And I'll see you
all next time! Thank you so much for watching thank you to my patrons and my subscribers, a
big shout out to my patrons of course. Thank you so much and I'll see you on the next one, bye!
you