- One of the most attractive qualities
you can possibly have is to be not needy.
You could say the degree to which you are attractive
is the degree to which you are not needy.
And if you are needy,
then the degree to which you are needy
is the degree to which you put off other people.
So when we understand the mechanism of neediness
and we heal it,
that's when we then and become more attractive
and we become more self-centered validating
and we aren't then looking to the outside for validation.
So in this video, what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna share with you the cause of neediness
how to cure it, how to never be needy again
and how that will make you way, way more attractive.
These are things that completely transformed my life
and I believe they will change yours as well.
(upbeat music)
Welcome back to another video.
My name is Aaron Doughty
and I help people expand their consciousness.
Now, in this video, I wanna share with you
the most important thing I've learned
when it comes to attraction
and when it comes to energy dynamics in general.
And it has to do with something that is called
the locus of control.
The locus of control is what we use
to control different aspects of our life.
And the challenge is that,
if our locus of control as external
meaning we rely on the outside to get our needs met,
then what we end up doing is we end up
developing a very needy energy dynamic.
Think of this energy dynamic,
kind of like from the movie anchorman Sex Panther.
There's a guy Paul Rudd in that movie, he's like
you gotta wear this cologne called sex panther.
All the ladies become inactive when you wear it,
and he puts on the sex panther
which has like the of a panther
and like all this crazy stuff in it.
And he wears it thinking it's attractive.
He thinks it's gonna get him once he wants.
Which, what does he wants is like, you know,
the ladies that wanna sleep with him.
He puts on this cologne.
He goes out and people are like, what the hell
that smells like paste like, wanting to get away.
It's repelling.
Well, in the same way, that's what neediness is.
Neediness is sex panther.
You think that neediness is gonna get you what you want
because then you can control other people.
You can control what they think about you.
You can control and get validation, but in actuality,
it is completely repelling them.
Now, what if I told you that your natural pheromones
and you being yourself would attract people
if you would just be in your own frame, be in your own body.
That's a metaphor.
Also, maybe there's somewhat truth in it.
But the degree to which you can be you
and in your own container, you can be embodied
is gonna be the degree
to which you release these pheromones
that then attract people.
Now in a way maybe there's truth to pheromones.
I'm using it as a metaphor.
The authentic version of you is what's attractive.
It's just that many people aren't being themselves
because their locus of control
is on controlling the outer environment.
It was like that for me, for a long time.
I was in relationship and dynamics where I would try
to control what people thought of me.
This had me also attracting people that were also
wanting significance by being with me.
And, I remember, I have friends that were like this
that were like, they have,
they liked that like almost like sense of significance
from having me around in their frame.
And what would then happen is I was getting
their validation.
So I was getting my needs met.
And they were feeling more validated
by being in their frame.
And it became this like unhealthy relationship type thing.
So once I became aware of this
and once I started self-validating myself
and I started to change my value system.
This really is the key.
If you're needy,
then what's happening is there's a codependent pattern there
that most likely stems from childhood.
There were times in childhood
where you wanted your needs met
and you had to tune to the external to get your needs met.
Maybe you had to tune to your parents
or tune to their emotions.
And what happens is you then were looking
for their validation.
Maybe they didn't give it to you.
I know that I felt that in many ways, because I felt
like I had emotionally parents doing the best they could.
But in that way,
I then developed a belief that I'm not worthy.
I'm not enough.
And it became normal for me to try to fix people,
to try to get them to love me.
I would find people and attract people that I needed to fix,
that I felt I needed to fix.
Then I would be completely dependent on their validation,
their sense of them coming around.
And I didn't realize that
I was literally addicted to that pattern.
Neediness is an addiction.
You're addicted to needing validation from other people.
And the idea is that if someone can give you validation,
then you'll finally be enough
but it's built on a false premise.
It's built on a belief that says
you're not good enough already
and that you need validation from other people
because you haven't given yourself the validation.
This is key.
What I had to do is I had to let go of the neediness
and the old codependent behaviors
and really the old version of me.
Which let go of the blocks of like people
taking advantage of me, me not being in my body
and in my own frame.
I had to let that go.
And I had to let in a version of me that had
a higher value system that valued authenticity
over validation.
That value being raw,
even though sometimes that meant I was more polarizing
I had to let go.
And then why you're in a completely new reality.
Now something that this inspired me to do is
letting go of this codependent behavior
and understanding how to be magnetic.
There's something that's gonna be starting
on July 1st to July 21st.
It's a 21 day magnetic love challenge
for raising your vibration and becoming magnetic
from the inside out for letting go
of these co-dependent behaviors, letting go of unworthiness,
letting go of blocks that you might have for love,
letting go of intimacy blocks, the childhood trauma
and wiring in a brand new version of you
that has higher vibrational,
where it is natural for you to have love as a reflection
or being deep relationships or whatever it is.
So if you're any relationship and you wanna go deeper
and you wanna heal your child to trauma or you're single
and you wanna attract 11
or just feel that self love within yourself,
then click the link below and go
to "aarondoughty.com/love"
because we're gonna be going through
21 days of transformation.
Letting go of the old to why you're in the new.
This is a process we're gonna be going through.
And if you guys join right now, you get two bonuses as well.
You'll click there.
You'll see what's involved.
One is a bonus.
My shadow work integration coach,
which I've never shared him before
but he's gonna be doing a live call
on masculine and feminine polarity,
how to heal and take down the masculine or feminine shield
within yourself so that you can embody that polarity
and how to really embody your energy too.
So anyways, I'm excited about that.
But the biggest transformation I've had this year
is letting go of codependent behaviors that I realized I had
because I was trying to either fix other people
or I wanted validation from other people.
And it was realized,
no, my dad is like the traditional nice guy.
So I had to shed that pattern.
I had to become more authentically me.
The more and the degree to which I could go
within my own body and I could see, what do I wanna do?
And I could start drawing source from within was the degree
to which I was in and had that magnetic energy
where literally my whole entire reality changed.
And it really also,
a lot of this is from the fear of abandonment.
If we're afraid of being abandoned and people
aren't going to either they emotionally abandoned us
or physically abandoned us when we were kids.
If we're afraid of that abandonment,
then what happens is we're changing our center of gravity
to mold to other people trying to get validation
or approval or support.
And the challenge with that is that then
because we are externally focused
on trying to change the outside,
it's like our sense of gravity is so weak
that we're constantly feeling not enough.
Really what this is, is we have a value system
that's rooted in a belief that we're not enough
and we value people's approval over our own authenticity.
And the key to this for me was realizing
and becoming aware first off of my own inauthenticity,
even like the nice guy pattern that came from my dad.
It was realizing that being the nice guy is inauthentic.
Being a people pleaser is inauthentic.
It is trying to literally exchange.
It's a needy vampire energy.
That's trying to exchange being nice for approval.
And when I started giving myself my own approval,
it became way more dangerous
because I was not at the whims of other people's approval.
I started having my locus of control being from the inside,
I started instead,
which means I started valuing myself
and I started validating myself
and I started knowing that I could choose.
I'm not at the victim of anything else.
Maybe because I was a victim in my childhood.
I believe that I was at the whims of everything else
that changed everything.
Neediness is a disease.
Neediness is, I mean, not literally a disease,
but neediness is like a drug.
And the way that you cure this drug is
you start going within for what you're looking for.
You start realizing a chunk of you
is not outside of yourself.
It's not in another people.
The validation is something you can give yourself.
The emotional abandonment that you experienced as a kid
or the physical amendment you experienced as a kid
where you decided that you had to tune to the outside
to get your needs met.
You can realize that you abandoned yourself in that process.
Yourself being in your body.
And the key to this is realizing, what do you want?
Who are you?
What are you passionate about?
What is it authentic for you in this moment?
As you start asking that question,
you start embodying more of your own energy.
That changes everything.
So that really is the key to this.
And right now when you join also that 21 day challenge,
it's also gonna be the frame technique in there.
The frame technique is a workshop on bringing
the awareness side of your body and understanding that then
as you embody that energy,
you don't need anything on the outside.
You're more in the container of your own body.
So like, I said, go to "aarondoughty.com/love"
If you wanna join the thousands
of us going through this process, I'm super excited.
Other than that, like this video, if you liked it
you want me to do another video on neediness,
codependent energy and how to heal it.
Hit the like button below and comment.
Let me know if you're in,
on the 21 day challenge comment and say I'm in.
Either than that, I hope you guys enjoyed this video,
and as always peace, love and namaste.