Our next guests are both Emmy award-winning TV legends,
whose 40th--
this is amazing--
40th anniversary happens to be today.
Imagine being married 40 years.
They have a new bestselling book out.
It is called What Makes a Marriage Last.
Please, welcome Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue.
Hi.
Thank you.
Hello, you two.
Ellen, still gorgeous.
It's so nice to see you both and talk to you.
And I love the book.
But let me just say, congratulations.
When you hear that you have been married 40
years, isn't that incredible?
Yes.
Yes, it is.
It boggles the mind.
Incredible is the right word.
Well, nobody thought it would last.
Oh, is that true?
Really?
Well, when we first got married, people
thought that we were so different
that it wouldn't work.
And we are.
We're very different people.
In fact, when working on this book,
we saw how different our personalities are.
He's very cool.
He's very laid back.
And I'm kind of jump for the phone, let's do it now,
let's figure out a solution.
And it was interesting.
When we did the interview for Elton John and David Furnish,
we went to Toronto for it.
And when they got there, the assistant called us and said,
I'm sorry, but you only have 30 minutes.
I went 30 minutes?
All the interviews were two hours, three hours.
And what did you say?
I said, don't worry.
Once we get into this, you can stay as long as you want.
They'll be with us.
Yeah.
And that was true.
And by the way, when we talked about ourselves,
that seemed to start the role.
And they got into it.
We were shocked ourselves.
And how much people said.
We spent a long time with all of the couples.
And finally, I would say I'm sorry,
but we really have to go.
And before we did it, when we finally decided
we were going to do this--
I'm sorry.
--Phil said to me--
I'm sorry.
Andy-- Andy sneezed and went backwards in his chair.
He's upside down.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
We'll edit this out.
Oh, my God.
Literally, television royalty were talking to.
I'm so sorry.
[INAUDIBLE]
We're not understanding what--
We can't hear what's going.
We're all good
I'm so sorry.
Literally, you're in the middle of telling us,
and Andy sneezed and went over backwards into the bushes.
And he was upside down and couldn't right himself.
Oh, no.
Who did?
Andy.
I'm OK.
That's the guy who's always outside her window.
Is he all right?
Yep.
It doesn't matter how he is.
That's why he's outside.
Keep it.
Are we starting over, or what are we doing?
Oh, my God.
No, no, no.
But I've read that in the book where Phil said, don't worry.
Once we get in there, that we'll have more time.
And he was absolutely right.
And you were saying that you were
surprised by how much people, once they started talking,
and I think that's what's beautiful about the book.
You get so many different couples and everybody's take
on what makes a marriage last.
And everybody's different.
But what do you think is the main takeaway that you got,
the through line is here?
I think that the determination, the desire to make it work.
These were not people looking for an escape route.
These are people that really, as Kyra Sedgwick said
so succinctly, there is no plan B. When you get married,
you have to feel that this is it.
And they had more than lust, if there is such a thing.
In addition to lust, they had a lot
of accommodation of each other.
Yeah.
And I think, obviously, being in a relationship--
and now we've been together almost 16 years--
you really do learn about yourself.
You learn about selflessness.
You learn a lot by living with someone.
And I think that is the beautiful thing
about a relationship, is the give and take,
and being able to bend, and not be so rigid in your beliefs.
[INAUDIBLE] about you and I?
And seeing yourself as a team, that what you're
doing, when you need something, your teammate will help you
get that.
Michael J. Fox said there were days when he just knows
he can't get over that wall.
And he said, every time the person that helps him over
that wall is Tracy.
Well, that is a special relationship.
Absolutely.
You can get through anything if you do it together.
But Peter Hermann, who's married to Mariska Hargitay,
said something really interesting.
He said, if you get married thinking the other person is
going to make you happy, you're not going to get there.
Because happiness comes from what you build together.
And the other thing I love was what John McEnroe's wife said,
Patty Smyth.
She said, women are always saying
this guy really has potential.
She said forget it.
Don't marry potential.
It's never gong to change.
Who you marry, that's the person.
You like that or not.
And it's not 50-50.
It's 100-100.
We should go on tour just talking about--
The things we learned.
Yeah, and what other people are doing to keep the marriage
balloon in the air.
And it's such a good book.
And it's such a great book right now for people
because a lot of people are in quarantine.
And they should be reading this to help them out.
We'll take a break.
Back with that Marlo and Phil right after that.
I remember that from my own show.
Have to take a break.
The book is called What Makes a Marriage Last.
And what a great time for this book to be utilized,
I think, because it's doing very well.
But I think it's going to do even better right
now because there's so many couples
spending time together during this quarantine.
What advice do you have?
Well, I love what James Carville said, which we are now using.
We're using a lot of stuff from the book.
But tell Ellen what James Carville said.
This is for when you find yourself going around
and around, and what will eventually be seen
as a rather unimportant issue.
He says, kick that can down the road.
It's such a great idea.
Yeah.
And apparently, he's got a number of cans down his road.
Don't we all?
But every now and then, when we're
getting into an argument about something that's useless,
and we're going around and around,
Phil sort of saying to me, kick that can down the road.
And it was such a new tool for us to use.
So we're using it all the time now.
And I love what Melissa McCarthy says when Ben Falcone said.
He said, I don't believe in this thing--
I don't go to bed mad-- he said I intentionally
go to bed pissed because I know it'll be gone in the morning.
And that is really true.
And the bottom of all of this is, is the love, and the trust,
and the respect that you have for the other person.
And if you'll just get out of the way of that,
you'll be able to enjoy that happiness.
Absolutely.
There's so many good stories in there,
so many beautiful things to take away.
Before we go, Marlo, I know you do so much for St. Jude's
Children's Hospital.
And it seems like now more than ever
these kids really are very vulnerable during this time.
And we want to encourage people to donate.
And Shutterfly loves to support organizations like yours.
So for your anniversary gift, we are going
to donate $10,000 to St. Jude.
Thank you.
God bless you.
Thank you.
You've done so many nice things [INAUDIBLE]..
At our wedding, my father-in-law Danny Thomas raised a glass,
and said, I haven't lost a daughter.
I gained a fundraiser.
And he was right.
Somewhere around the reception, I
realized that I had married a hospital.
Yep.
Well, you do so much good work.
Thank you for everything you do.
And I just-- I love both of you.
You're so incredible.
You're a great example, and a great inspiration
to so many people.
Just, I admire both of you.
It's called What Makes a Marriage Work--
Last.
And it's in bookstores.
Nobody's going to bookstores.
It's wherever books are sold.
Thanks for watching.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
Be kind.
Thank you, Ellen.
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